Hi Debbie, Not sure if we've met yet, so a quick hello and welcome to the cafe!

I am five weeks away from a two week break with my T, with one session, then immediately followed by a three week break. I also usually see my T twice a week. A big part of me has wanted to pout, to be mad, and to be sullen so that she can figure out what's going on and what to do, but I realized that I'd be wasting my time if I choose to fall back on my usual behavior. (Yes, I do regress to child-like behavior when I'm sad/mad/worried/feeling anything - we're working on it!)

I decided, though, that I am going to be forthright about all this. A few weeks ago, when she told me she'd be out of town right before my trip, I totally freaked out. I was on the verge of tears for nearly 48 hours. I put all my angst into a letter and handed it to my T to read. I spilled out everything I was afraid of about her trip and my trip immediately after. I included a few thing that I thought might make me feel better about our separation. (Email/Snail mail contact, phone sessions, skyping, etc.) I knew I could never verbalize that, so I had to write it out if I wanted to get anywhere with it.

We had a great conversation about my letter. She was great, more than great, she said exactly what I needed to hear. She told me what she would be ok with, and what she thought might be helpful. (She asked me what I thought would be helpful, but her coming on my trip with me was not an option!) I haven't made any decisions about it, yet, but I have been mulling over my options.

Last night I wrote my T a letter telling her a few more worries (week one of our break is me out of town, week two of our break is her out of town, then she's back and I am hoping to get a double session in before I leave for three weeks. I get back and get one session before she leaves for another week) about all the summer travel, and I plan to discuss it with her tonight.

I want to fall back on my old behaviors when I get back. I've thought about being silent on my first session back, being snotty and talking back, and all that, and there is a chance I might start the first session back that way. But really, it won't get me anywhere. It has been so hard being open and vulnerable with her the past few months (we've only been working together since Christmas) but I'm learning a lot.

Good luck, whatever you decide to do!

Hello Room2Grow
Thanks for your reply, which I have read very carefully,thanks for your insight, I guess deep down I am worried about going back to my old none too healthy behaviour as it is soo risky when I do it, maybe that's what's bugging me most. I think I might try writing this down for her for Wed as we have used writing. Good luck with your break when it comes _ thanks a million Deb

Deb,

There have been quite a few threads regarding T's vacations. I know I've had many on here. T's being gone can be really stressful, especially when you see T twice weekly a two week break is 4 sessions and that is a long time to go when you are used to having that support every few days. I see my T three times a week and I have a two week break coming up next month which (as usual) was not well received.

I'm sorry that you didn't get more advance notice. I think it is important to be able to discuss all of your feelings about the break with your T. Also, find out what, if any, contact will be allowed during the break. Is your T arranging back up with any other T in the area during the absence? Is this for emergencies only or could you schedule a session with this person?

My T and I have a routine now when it comes to her absences. We started a few traditions that we are continuing with this next absence. Our preparations are pretty elaborate compared to some, but it works for me and my child parts. We make a countdown chain (there is a thread here somewhere about it) and she writes messages in each link of the chain and I open a new link every day that she is gone. We also exchange an item. I give her something to keep (which she usually takes with her on her trip) and she gives me something to hang on to until she gets back. We exchange them back at the first session back. When she was gone last fall and completely out of touch because she was out of the country, we recorded a story that she read ahead of time so we could hear her voice while she was gone. The story was about staying connected even when apart.

Things that I do on my own during a break are to post here, usually daily in a countdown thread of some sort. I also try to make atypical plans for at least some of the days, especially days that I would normally see T.

I hope that helps!

I've been with my T for 6yrs now, and she takes off all the sch holidays, so used to long breaks. I remember the very first break with her when she asked me how I will deal with it, and I said just blank it out, wipe her out of my memory, she said in doing that I am wiping a part of me out too.

6yrs on its still hard, but the lead up to the break is the hardest for me and when actually in the break, good feelings of T's caring come back to me, but then the return, yes I want her to know how painful it was, so have tried, silence as a weapon, but inside I didnt feel good about that, but felt compelled to carry it on, I guess thats how I use to function as a child, I couldnt tell my step mother how hurt I was, because she didnt really care, so I held it in, learning to talk about pain and have the other person respect it and not intend it is a difficult lesson.

Thanks everyone, I came back to this last night after a restless night as it's causing me such pain. I did not mean to say that there had not been other posts on this, I was more worried about posting about a first break in t. that's me not explaining myself very well. My relationship with my T is not so far advanced enough to ask for something like the paper chain (although that sounds a great idea) so if you don't mind, I'll borrow the letter idea, and have already composed one which is on my blog. I like STRM's idea of doing something atypical even though t days are work days, so I might try that one, even if its seeing a silly movie or having a cake from a cake shop. I am learning a lot from reading these posts - so thanks, its just off to practice reading the letter for tommorow's session now and as FF says it is going to be a tough lesson but that's how we grow right in t and outside t

poet45.tumblr.com

I have my last session with T on Thursday and then he leaves for a one week break. I feel a bit childish complaining because it's just a week and I've read about breaks being much longer, like yours R2G.

T gave me 2 weeks notice, which was 4 sessions. But we haven't had a chance to talk about it much because there were other pressing things that had to be addressed. And so, now I have only 1 session left to talk to him about how I am going to cope. I did tell him it would be hard for me but that as long as he promised to have warm thoughts for me while he is gone, I'll be okay.

But not really. Woke up at 3:30 this morning crying over his impending departure. Was thinking that I wouldn't go see him on Thursday because I couldn't deal with it.

I do really like some of the ideas on this thread. STRM, I love the chain idea. I love the little notes she writes for you. I'm always afraid he'll say no even though he told me recently that I need to ask him for things. Maybe I should take a risk. We'll see how brave I get between now and Thursday. Like you, R2G, I'm trying to figure out what I need and what would be helpful.

Update on last session before break
Well T and I met today for my last session before my first ever break of 2 weeks or 4 sessions. I took a chance and borrowed the letter idea from here and managed (a first for me) to read it out in between the anxiety, panic, tears, fears. All the time t was there saying 'Take your time, we have time' 'I'm here with you, you're doing really well, I'm so proud of you' - which made me feel teary but warm and fuzzy at the same time. We then had a good but difficult emotional conversation about partings and how difficult it was to deal with (if any of you have abadonement issues you'll get that bit)them. Then out of the blue she gets up and gets her little heart (it is very significant to her) and says 'I wanted to give you this for when I was away, now you are holding two hearts, yours and mine, because I will be back (more abadonment fears stuff) and I want to take your letter on my journey with me, and I will be holding you in my heart. There followed lots of other tough stuff, and we bid each other farewell with our customary 'go well' to each other. It was a heck of a session but one to hold onto. I know lots of people here have breaks coming up, so for those of you its okay for, I send safe (((((all those with breaks coming up))))).

DebbieN I am so glad that your T has handled this in a wya that would make it less painful for you. She sounds great. Keep posting here during your break for support.

hug,

BB

That sounds great, just so connected, even though I know it will still be hard to be away from your T. I'm so glad you were able to be so brave and have such a payoff with your T.

I just realized myself that I kind of use T's texts to me and mine to him as a way of feeling we're connected, even when I take a break from texting him (as I occassionally do). So I was pretty sad when I heard he deleted them for privacy reasons, like I'm no longer with him. I shared (in writing) a dream where he gave me something to keep when he had to go away...I think last month. Some time I will just have to really ask for something, I guess. He has offered to play marbles with me a few times, but I (embarrassingly) never ever learned. Maybe I'll ask for a marble if he ever goes away for a while.

Wonderful!! I'm so happy that you had such a great and connected session and that your T really understood your feelings. The exchanging of items is something that my T and I do and I find it really helpful. I hope the break passes quickly for you and you are able to maintain that feeling of connection in the meantime.

Thank you to everyone who took some time out to comment, suggest and feedback on this. It was an incredibly hard, moving, emotional session, and my t giving me her little stone heart to look after (I did not ask, she just did) was so moving for me, I guess maybe I got lucky with my t and it did help today to hold it in my hand when I was having a rough day. I deeply appreciated everyone's help on this.

"What doesn't break us, makes us stronger"
Debs