I have trouble picturing T in between sessions lol. I have a better time remembering her eyes and her voice more than her actual self as a whole...weird....the picture the university has of her on the website doesn't help since it looks nothing like her!! Even though she was younger, she looks older in the pic, her hair is a bit longer and not dyed, and idk maybe it was the angle or the camera or whatever but she does not look very appealing I feel so awful saying this lol. I'm glad they matched me up with T cos if it were up to me, she would not have been at the top of my list tee hee.

I find it hard to remember my old T's face and she meant the world to me too. I wish I had a photo as a reminder. Like Jenny and Echo I can remember her voice which I guess is something.

I used to think it was cos I tried to picture her in my mind too often for my mind to keep up.

Would love to know if you ever find out what it means.

Butterfly

I can't picture my T in my head either. I could describe her features, but I can't seem to create an image in my head between sessions. I can do so only for a little while right after a session.
Dumb thing is I can picture the receptionist perfectly.

I'm the same - I remember silly things like her hands and her teeth in great detail (what her teeth??? I know!!!). I remember in great detail the tone of her voice and every word that she spoke as well. I remember those things very clearly, but the overall picture of her is hard to remember. I don't know why. It doesn't really make sense does it.

I can't usually picture my T in my mind either although I can describe her. I don't know why. I can picture other people I know without any problem.

OMG!!! I can hear ex-T's voice also and ex-T's teeth are so white!

I guess we remember their voice because ... after all it's called talk therapy! lol

Kansas

I can't picture my Ts either but I'm REALLY horrible with faces. I can feel my Ts if that makes sense, I can experience them but not visually a lot of the images in my head are... representational, abstract.. I remember most people by my body sensations (that sounds creepy - i don't mean it to!) or feelings. Describing people is super hard for me no matter who they are.

Maybe for those that can't PICTURE your T if you sort of need them there you can try 'feeling' them - like pretending they are with you in some form even if you can't draw up their actual form in your head? I bring my Ts around with me lots of places - they've suggested doing that (imagining them there) it's really comforting. Sort of like projecting that something is your T, something external in your environment if you can't visualize and want to

Hmmm. I need to have my T in side me to make me feel safe when I am not with her - but I have huge trouble doing that. It is a problem for us right now.

I am a person who noticed detail in my life - yet I would forget T's face, or what she wore instantly after i left her office. Furthermore recently (after 6 months of weekly appointments) I noticed a HUGE picture on the wall of her office (like 6 foot long by 2 foot wide) . I asked if it was new. It wasn't - had been there every week. Hadn't noticed it. I asked where the clock was - there never was a clock. Then last week I said - I thought the window was at least half the size of what it is. I have sucha perception distortion.

I have known T for 16 years, yet I can't remember her face, voice - but I do have her words inside my head at times.

OLDT - I see her about once a month so I get reminded of her. I used to notice a LOT about her. Nowdays - I forget her at times or at other times - I will smell her, someone with the same colour eyes will force a PTSD reaction in me, I will hear someone with the same deep voice.

I am wondering whether I invested so much in OLDT - and became attached to her (first person in my life) so that now I am with T - I don't let myself do it because I think she will terminate me too??

Cat - love your idea of imagining them with you, I think I need to do this. Transitional objects don't work for me.

Somedays

Oh I feel so lucky, about six months in and brought in my little camera in my handbag and just asked at the end of the session if I could take a photo of T. He was very surprised and thought about it and said " I don't see why not". I explained it would help me as I can't see him clearly in my head but looking at a photo would help. Oh boy, that really helped. I can see him so clearly in my head now.

And he lets me record each session so I hear his voice EVERY day. I can now hear his voice in my head without my ipod.

I am so fortunate.

I like my T SOOOOOO MUCH. He is so kind to me.

(remind me of this next time I have a major strop and am walking away AGAIN)

I can't picture T's face or hold onto his voice. I can see his photo that is on his website, but I have such a hard time looking at him while we talk, because seeing him have a positive, engaged expression toward me gives me the same reaction I get when anybody gives me a compliment. It's like being stabbed and I need to run away from it as quickly as possible. I can picture T's arms for some reason. Just his forearms, like the tone and texture of his skin. I have no idea what that's about. Something to do with the hugging, I guess? You'd think I'd be able to picture his hands instead, because of holding them during prayers and stuff, but no. Just his arms. I could describe a lot about him, like observations I have noted, but I can't pull up an image of him in my mind. I think it is pervasive, not just about my T, my inability to hold onto a sense of someone in that way. I'm pretty sure his eyes are blue, but I feel like I'm guessing there. I don't think I've ever really looked into them, though I have looked at them.

I can't picture or hear T in my head.

I put a thread of something similar up once.

It's to do with object constancy I think...the ability to keep people you feel close to in mind so that you can soothe yourself with the memory of them when you feel down. Kids who are grown up in good environments master this skill in infancy.

My T is beautiful. Interestingly, I'm not sure if I remember her in my dreams. I have dreams of her...

Every time I see her in the clinic, its almost stunning because suddenly I remember the whole of her obviously that im seeing her. I'm jerked out of my dissociation of her but it takes only about 20 minutes to forget the sound of her voice when i leave clinic.

Even though I have hard time picturing T inbetween sessions and remember her voice better, I am able to hold on to her her face really well for a few days after session cos im still on that like "post session high" as I like to call it. Then it gradually fades and I can only picture certain features of her, like her smile and her eyes, her hair, but not everything as a whole. Im even able to remember the smell of her office and the clinic and her perfume as well which I find oddly comforting...I know weird.