I told her one of the books was just sudoku, and the other was "Under The Tuscan Sun" by Francis Mayes. T looked surprised at that, ""Really?"
"Yes," I told her, affectionately stroking the book's cover, "It used to be one of my favorites when I was younger." (young like late teens, not childhood)
T said that it must be better than the movie, then, and I said probably, that I had read the book but not seen the movie. Well, T had seen the movie and not read the book, so we filled eachother in on each of them, comparing stories, so to speak. T was looking more and more interested.
I had the impulse right then and there to pronounce, "Let's read it!" It would have been so fun to jump right in and experience at least the preface together.
But. . . instead of being impulsive and spontaneous I went all diffident, awkward, and stiff, and asked T if she would like to start it right then. T said, "No, not now, but I do want to read it." and brought us back to therapy. Maybe she thought I was trying to say we had spent enough time on the book? But really, I genuinely wanted to read some right then with her. I simply had trouble expressing that, and then it seemed better to move on.
A small thing, but it made me reflective on how therapy (and maybe life in general) *does* seem to flow much better when I allow myself to be spontaneous and impulsive. T has told me that I seem locked down and I know I probably do.
I think I am going to make a point of paying more heed to these kinds of impulses when they arise, and kicking myself into following them, at least sometimes.
What about you, dear reader? How good are you at following impulses in therapy?
