((About)) I think it does happen to many people, and I'm sorry you are feeling triggered. I get triggered a ton on forums not just here, but everywhere.

I go through the same 1-3 thought process as you, so I wish I could give you some wisdom. You're not childish… your feelings are real. I think.. apart from keeping away it's a matter of accepting the discomfort. "Okay, I'm going to post this, maybe no one will respond, maybe someone will, maybe I'll freak out, maybe I won't, I'll definitely feel undeserving, and selfish and awful… so I need to plan for that, etc" Then accept yourself if you can't handle it.

I've come to terms with my deleting posts, I know it annoys some people or is weird and confusing but, unfortunately I've had to accept over the past # of years… it's what I do, and maybe I won't in the future as I learn to accept myself more. T2 always said to me… expect to feel uncomfortable about things you're uncomfortable with… be curious about how you feel… and see if it changes, keep trying if you want to. Something like that, and I roll my eyes… and yet it works.

Hi, About.

I just wanted to say that I relate to what you're saying. I read often, and rejoice or feel for what so many of the members post. I don't feel like I have much wisdom to offer -- especially with so many wonderful saints here who do, so I post randomly, at best.

And I struggle so much with my own T and with belonging -- but have the tenacious desire to fit somewhere -- that the best I can do most of the time is sit on the sidelines and watch and learn. I take what I learn and apply it to my own life as much as possible.

So what am I saying?

I think that we all belong, but we're all very broken and we will have any number of triggers.

I, for one, have so appreciated what you have shared, and I see you as an integral member of this forum.

As you look at concluding with your T later this spring, I imagine that it is undoubtedly causing you to want to shut off contact in a lot of areas or easily triggering other reactions. But I think that everyone here wants you to know that you belong and will always be welcome. And if you feel the need to delete posts periodically -- or regularly -- we all understand, and many of us have been in the same place.

Hello everyone and thank you for your answers! I typed two answers that my computer mysteriously erased and I am just back from France, so I finally have the time to answer properly.

quote:

T2 always said to me… expect to feel uncomfortable about things you're uncomfortable with… be curious about how you feel… and see if it changes, keep trying if you want to. Something like that, and I roll my eyes… and yet it works.

That sounds quite like my T, and my reaction, and yet... it works indeed. I guess I am sometimes just too much hoping to get an answer, a "validation" of my feelings that I cannot be patient, bear the uncomfortable feeling and immediatly switch to the next step: feeling I deserve the pain I am feeling.

quote:

I don't know the solution to dealing with the triggers, other than to put on rational glasses and grit your teeth and listen to your common sense rather than give into the very old feelings and habits of "I am being rejected and dismissed, therefore I am unworthy. It hurts and I must protect myself by fleeing'.

Apparently it's good to sit with the feelings.

I heard that... but... the pain...
And yes, I try to focus on the common sense, the only thing is that, usually, I post precisely when my common sense is rather low, which of course creates a bad combination ! My inner sense is that I should never feel bad, or tell about it, because actually, my pain is negligible or my fault, and, while rationally knowing it is not the case, I can't help reading the sometimes not immediate answering on the forum as the "proof/validation of that". It is not at all a reproach as I do know it is not the case, just my own triggers^^

Outsider: Thank you so much for your kind words, and your point about belonging. Indeed, it is very linked to the feeling of deserving, of being worth as a part of something (a forum).
And I am so scared of the termination with my T. I would be so tempted to try to stay in my current town to keep seeing her, but I am not sure I could forgive myself for choosing that... I will probably post about it...

Thank you a lot for your kind and validating answers, they are most appreciated.