Don't freak out Smiley... it was good that you told her because she needs to know how dark it is for you at times. I think you needed for her to know and you took a risk but this means that you also trust her.

What I wanted to ask you is this... do you usuallly just "chit chat"? Do you keep your sessions on the surface and resist going into the really deep areas? Or do you just refer to any talking with your T as chit chat? I am really hoping that you do confide in her about your feelings and your challenges so she can help you out.

In the meantime take a deep breath. I don't think she will do anything unless she feels that you or someone else is in imminent danger.

Hug
TN

Smiley,

I agree with TN. I think it is a good thing that you told her and I also think that it is a sign of progress. I know it can feel really scary to be that vulnerable and have yourself out there like that. I think if she didn't feel you were safe that she wouldn't have let you leave. I'm really hopeful that this revelation to your T can be the start of some meaningful and helpful work with your T.

(((hugs)))

Smiley - I agree with TN. I don't think T would do anything unless she were convinced someone was in danger right now. I may not have been around when you shared about the gun, so I can't be sure (and it's OK, you don't need to share it again, although I'm willing to listen if it is helpful). It's definitely good that you were able to open up to T like that. Sometimes it is easier for me to tell T stuff near the end. Sometimes, it's that I have finally gotten comfortable after talking for nearly an hour (yes, sometimes it takes that long). Other times, knowing I have to leave triggers very strong emotions that bring things forcefully to the surface. Either way, I don't think you need to worry about when it came out. It would be nice, sure, if these things could surface at the beginning and then be worked through nicely and wrapped up with a bow at the end of a session...but the reality is that therapy and life often doesn't work that way. T knows it now and will be able to take that knowledge forward for your work together in your next session. It really is a positive thing, but hard, and it's OK to feel confused with both positive and difficult feelings regarding sharing it.

Edit: I think I now recall what you are talking about. For some reason, in the context of discussing your parents here, I was thinking it was a past (childhood) story. It is SO good that you shared this with T!

((((Smiley))))
oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you are so freake dout. Try to take some deep breaths and just take this one moment at a time. I am so glad you posted about this instead of keeping it all inside. That was a big thing to say, and I can understand why you are scared and freaked out. However, what you did was amazing and a wonderful thing to do and that you don't have anything to be afraid of about telling her. I want to say I totally understand and validate the fear (I have been there myself) but I also very much do believe it really is going to be ok and that you did a really good thing.

She checked to see if you are safe, you assured her that you are - so she's not going to do anything else in terms of sending you to a hospital or anything like that. You did share with her something that is vulnerable to share, and whenever I do that, I tend to feel really scared and nervous afterwards - but it's gonna be ok.

You did not make a mistake at all. I know it's hard to let your T know this part of the pain you have been through - I understand that way too well as I struggle with it myself. But it is going to help. It is really good you told her. It's not too much for her to handle, it's not too much for you to share at all.

If your T shared it with your partner without your consent - or shared it with anyone at all - without your consent, your T would be in violation of HIPAA regs in a major way (litterally criminal). The only times a T can share stuff without consent is in the case of immenient pending danger (which you already assured her you are safe) to you or someone else, or in the case of a child or ederly person being abused. EVEN in those cases, your T would work with you, and I can't imagine her ever just contacting your partner without especially working with you about it.

If you had more time in the session, I am pretty sure she would have been able to reassure you of this herself right then and there. Your fears are normal to have and Ts are even required when we first go to them for therapy to tell us about these confidentiality rules - because most clients have concerns about this so it's really understandable what you are feeling, and what you told her is very confidential and very safe. In order for her to break that confidentiality, you would have to be like about to act on those thoughts and in that case, she would call for a welfare check, not your partner - and she would tell you. So you are safe. What you told your T is safe and confidential and protected by some pretty stong confidentiality laws.

Even though it doesn't feel like it right now, you did a really good thing by telling her. I'm really ecouraged that you did. Really. It takes guts and it opens up the door for help and healing - and it is a door you are in control of. If you don't want to talk about it, then it's ok. It's not like you gave up your right to not have to talk about it too. (Does this make sense?)

I'm not sure if any of this is helpful to say... If any of it misses the mark of where you are at, just please ignore. Be as kind to you as you can, you did a really good thing. I am sure of that. Not a mistake at all.

~jd

Thanks for being out there. I am still freaked but a little calmer. I hope I did the right thing. I do trust her but it is still scary. As for the chit chat, we normally do a little chit chat and then into t. It just makes things a little less like jumping into the stuff right away. That's mostly my doing. I don't like to talk about it at all. I'm off to bed now. Hopefully I'll be able to sleep and just let it be. It's too late now I already told her. Thank you all for being out there.

good for you for telling her Smiley- I think that you should be really proud of yourself. It must have been really hard to share that, and scary. It sounds like she handled it well so far.

hugs,

BB

Thanks you guys. I don't feel brave, I actually feel really scared and very frightened. I have been with this t for a very long time. We do have a close relationship and I know I can trust her. There's always this part of me that thinks, oh crap she's really going to think I am a nut case now! I know that's dumb but it is there.

Today is a rough one. I'm tired and really feeling pretty low. I've got a busy day ahead of me. Time to put on my pasted smile and just wind me up and go.

Thanks for listening to me.

Smiley

quote:

I don't feel brave, I actually feel really scared and very frightened.

I think that you are very brave precisely because you feel so scared and frightened, and you still keep fighting. I hear you saying "I was in a knife fight with the despair in a back alley, and I kept struggling, and trying to connect- but I was scared and frightened- so it didn't count." I hope that soon you will be able to at least experience how very brave you really are.

Thanks for talking to us..thanks for letting me know I'm not so alone, and that another person is surviving this pain. You are a sweetheart.

love,

Beebs

(((((Smiley)))))

Good work!

(((((((Smiley)))))))) Have been out all day. How are you doing?

Is anyone out here? I wrote on the sensative issues thread but no one responded. I am just a little desperate right now for contact with someone to keep me grounded....

HI Smiley, I'm here... I can't read your post on the sensative issues thread, but I can listen here.
Be kind to yourself yeah...

Thanks I'm glad someone is out there.

Just a really bad moment today. Feeling pretty low and alone and just wanting to talk to my T but don't want to call. don't want her to think I'm going crazy or anything. just emotionally realy screwed up.

I'm not sure how I can help you stay grounded, but maybe you can tell something good that happened today, something you saw, read, did, something that made you smile... etc. Only if it helps

Smiley, you are not alone. Call T if it helps. That's what she's there for.

No nothing. Just here.

Considering some things I told her when I spoke to her last, she make take this the wrong waqy. I don't want her to think I'm really in a major crisis. Just a mini major crisis.

Thanks. I am thinking ofleaving early. I was going to just go to her office and sit there for a while. She usually isn't in on Friday but I have a key. Maybe I can just hang for a while.

((((((Smiley)))))))

I'm sorry you're in a mini, major crisis. It's so hard to know what to do in that spot. Everything feels like either an overreaction or an underreaction. Thinking of you!

Smiley... I never got around to registering for the Sensitive issues forum... I probably should email Shrinklady for that.

I'm sorry you are having a crisis of any kind. I think it would be okay to call your T and let her know how you are feeling. I just beeped my T because of some bad stuff that went on yesterday with me and he was so warmly reassuring and this will help me get to next Monday when I see him. It only took a few minutes. He was fine with it.

I also think if you have a key that maybe sitting in her office would be okay (if you have permission which I assume you do) because you will be in a place that feels safe and grounding and feel closer to your T too.

We are here if we can do anything to help you with this.

TN

Hey, just wanted to say I was thinking of you. ~jd

Hi smiley

Hope you got to see your T when you went to her office and are getting through the weekend ok. Major or minor crisis, it matters not, it's still not nice (((smiley)))

starfish

(((Smiley)))

Thanks you guys! I didn't go to her office - I just went home. I fell asleep for about 2 hours and went to my second job. I feel alot like a zombie but so what. Made it through the weekend. I wanted to call her and see if she could fit me in this week but I chickened out. I know she is going to talk about what I told her and I'm afraid to. Yet I want to talk to her about it. I feel like I'm so on the edge. I don't know what to do. I just want to go home and sleep and just sleep.

I afraid she'll think I'm being a pain in the @#s .

So I called, actually e-mailed, and asked if we were meeting this week. She said no she had me scheduled for next week. So I write back and asked if she had space could she see me? I haven't heard back. I don't know I think I just need the connection. I just need to feel like I have to be somewhere or I'm not anywhere. I don't want to be left to my own stupid thoughts. Now I wish I hadn't aasked at all - feel like a needy child .

I know that feeling of being a needy child. It will be OK! Whether or not she has a slot available, it's OK and actually really good and healthy to ask. So glad you are asking for what you need. ((((((smiley)))))))

Yay, Smiley! Might not feel like it, but that is actually huge progress. Wow, look at you, all asking for sessions and everything! I really am very impressed, cause I know for myself how hard it is to do that. I know it is hard to feel like a needy child. (((((Smiley)))) big huge hugs,

BB

Smiley,

I think its terrific that you asked her for an appointment this week. Even if she is not able to fit you in, its a great thing to be asking for what you need and want. That's HUGE!!

No reply from my e-mail to T. I hate when they don't answer - or even acknowledge that they received it. Waiting....................

quote:

Originally posted by smiley:
No reply from my e-mail to T. I hate when they don't answer - or even acknowledge that they received it. Waiting....................

UGH. I hate that too. Sometimes you can send a request for a "read" receipt that tells if/when someone read the email. I think you have to send your email through Outlook in order to do that.

Smiley, I was just wondering if your T has a set policy on outside contact. Like... does she say that she will answer or not and how long it takes? My T told me that if I do not hear within 24 hours I need to re-email him as it was something that got lost in cyber space or he missed it in his inbox. He always answers me even if only to say "got it" or "thanks" so that I know he read it. We spent time talking about this because he knew how important it was to get it clear.

I do hope you hear soon. And BTW, it was really courageous for you to ask for what you need. You are making great progress. Hang in there. I know the waiting is so hard.

TN

Still no reply from T. Oh the hell with it. I am so tired of feeling that I have to have a connection with someone. I don't want to connect with anyone anymore. I just want to be alone. I let myself be needy and that was wrong. No more. done with it.

Smiley... I am so sorry you have not heard from your T. Is this typical of her? I just don't know enough about your T to figure out what's going on with her. Has this happened with you and her before?

Smiley there was nothing wrong in you reaching out to get your needs met. You have every right to do so and it was a very positive step. What is wrong is what your T has done in not responding in some way to your need for connection.

I think you have said you are with her for a long time? I don't want to add another burden for you but could it be helpful to you to see another T? Maybe someone with fresh eyes to your situation would be more responsive and more helpful in assisting you with your healing and progress. Sometimes a different approach is needed and not all Ts can be all things. I know in my own situation my oldT could never do what I needed him to do and my newT is simply amazing in being able to provide what I need and yearn for.

It's good that you come here to express your frustration with your T and what she is doing. I'm so glad you are keeping us updated. I do hope you hear something soon.

Best,
TN

TN - thanks for your response. Yes she always does this. She's very busy and then has her family time after nine. I think at least a response would be good but what do I know? Anyway, don't want to change T - just want to finish this.