Moved post from book section:

More about the book I'm reading entitled
"Shouldn't I be Feeling Better by Now"?

I may be writing to myself here, but it helps, and there may be a possibility that it helps someone else, so, rather than delete, I'll just leave this up and then leave it alone.

Yes, T did say that continuing to work with him would reflect negatively on his career. To be fair, he also said that he didn't want to hurt me. I suppose it could be that he simply doesn't have the ability to work with a client like me- he is used to working with kids and the elderly, and I suspect that he has not come across too many clients that openly question him.

I have done nothing overtly wrong, although I'm not a saint and do not pretend to be. Not much texting, respectful of boundaries, no rage (but some anger) Yes, I have questioned him before, and I have repeatedly refused to take part in one of his "techniques" - which is very aggressive. Essentially, I am too "defiant" for him. He tells me that I have repressed anger, but when it comes up, either emotionally or even CONCEPTUALLY and indirectly, it is not welcome.

He tells me that he gets angry, but when I get angry about similar things..for example, direct: here-and-now conflicts between us... or indirect: examples of economic injustice in society as a whole) he simply says that I have "too many triggers". What? This would be ok if he did not make it clear that this is a "problem" that seems to be unique to me (um, anger at corporate greed is pathological and related to my father???) and even if it was about actual triggers, why does he not try to help me find out where it's all coming from, and why, rather than chastising me for having the trigger or setting up defenses around it? I thought he was supposed to help me THROUGH all of this. Now I most certainly feel like I have to suppress my anger, and of course, I'm more depressed, and he said he cannot work with me because he doesn't want to hurt me and it will negatively affect his career to continue to hurt a client.


I have a hard time with the double standard, that in and of itself makes me angry, as is being "forced" to accept someone on faith and being "punished" if I say no.

I just can't see that this indignity is necessary. His dignity is probably been damaged as well, but I guess he wins. Too bad we can't talk about how we interact, that could be valuable. But I guess he wants compliant, submissive clients.

That's the way it goes sometimes in therapy- the T can hide behind the concepts of tranference and projection the the extent where you leave in a state of not knowing what is real... doubting your own sense of reality.. etc. I learned a lot from this, to trust myself, try to figure out what is coming from the present and what is coming from the past. Sometimes one just has to say NO, and that IS the lesson.

I really got off track here but it may be one of my last posts here, sorry, I need to take a break from it all. The book is really helping me feel like I'm not crazy. Now I can go back and work on my own shit/defense mechanisms without having it become distorted by T's own countertransferences.

Hi no. 9,

pardon the editorializing-- but from everything you've written, your T seems like a total dick. "Too many triggers"? Would he like a client with fewer triggers? What's his trigger limit (ask for a number)?

Obviously that is complete bullshit. You have every right to be frustrated. But it does sound like you've come out of this ordeal with a greater sense of purpose and confidence, perhaps? Maybe one day you'll feel up to starting over with someone who's worth your time. If there's anything I've learned from this forum, it's that good ones ARE out there.

Good luck,
effed

effed:

Thanks!! good point. I welcome any input here, as I trust the participants in this forum, the maturity, insight, and respect that I see here on a consistent basis.

I also get the benefit of a different perspective, perhaps even a few that can have me laugh a bit at how absurd it has all become.

Having said that, I am oddly making some attempts to see things from his perspective and I get the sense that he may be doing that as well although he would never admit to it. I may never know, and can't force him to see things a certain way any more than he can try to force anything upon me.

Yeah, trying to take the high road, but I don't always feel it. Thanks for the support!!

((((NUMBER9))))))

I'm sorry things ended so badly. I have to agree with effed, he sounds like a total dick. I have pretty much always thought so. If you look at Shrinklady's website, too many T's are committed to their technique, to the clients detriment. Be grateful you got out of there.

HUGS<

Liese

P.S. I hope you know you can always come here for support.

Thanks Liese!

Yes, I'm a little cynical right now, but thanks so much for the support!