In two days I'll see my T again. My last session I wrote him a letter and left it on my way out explaining my Attachment and Transference with him. I've had so much anxiety over it (We have NO contact between sessions). I've been researching and reading a lot here and on other sites about how and why Transference happens.

I know that he can't and won't return the feelings and mentally I know why. It would be damaging, unethical and so on... but that's not what I feel. I've turned to self-defeating talk.

This is going to sound stupid but I keep thinking things like 'he won't return feelings because I'm not attractive, I'm not ambitious enough. I'm just some crazy lady he sees he probably laughs at me when I'm not there.' It's things like that and it hurts me. Im starting to feel more ashamed of what I did and I'm struggling to convince myself to go back in a couple days. Why can't I think logically....

I can't shake it and it's becoming hard for me. Have any of you struggled with this? How did you overcome it? If we do talk about my letter, should I tell him I'm having these feelings?

Thanks ahead of time.