Hi All,

I had a session with new T yesterday (I should probably just call her T since it's been about a year that I've been seeing her).

Anyway, we talked about how my panic has lessened and my anxiety is still there, but not too bad right now. Well, I think she decided to challenge me a lot due to her feeling like I was doing ok. So, I'm thinking about it now and feeling frustrated and sad. T repeated about me being too much in my head and analyzing too much. She talked about being present. She also said something about at some point being able to "shoot from the hip". I seriously don't know if she understands me or knows who I am. I understand changing my behavior to a certain extent, but to change some things that are very core pieces of me seems to be foreign and scary.
Hmmm....I need to explore this, I guess.
I'm the type of person who does think a lot, analyze, reflect, and read. I would say that I'm more introverted. I tend to think before I speak. I have a tight filter on most of the time. Now, that doesn't mean I always do. I can tell people what I'm thinking or feeling. Sometimes it just takes me a while to process it, reflect, and let them know. "Shooting from the hip" seems so impulsive and not like me at all (unless it's some sort of rare sarcasm that comes flying out of my mouth due to anxiousness or anger). I've tried to cut down on that though.

What does "shooting from the hip" mean to you?
How about living in your head too much? What does that mean?
Is being present with people the same as living in the present moment?

I'm going to T school right now, so I would think that I would know some of this stuff, but right now with my negative mood, I'm not seeing things clearly or something.
That also brings me to one of my professors (my supervisor)....
sigh....she is brilliant in so many ways and she is irritating me! She does this thing where we talk about client issues and ask questions in class (clients have signed consent for this) and instead of answering us directly at times she shows us how to handle it with her behavior or she acts like the client and sees how we react. This is done under the radar so-to-speak (indirectly). I realize it a day later usually. It seems so manipulative and brilliant! Sometimes it makes me angry though. I wish she could just point it out directly. I guess, she does do that too at different times. I should be used to indirectness though as my family seems to work that way in communication. Last week I had a great connection with my prof. and felt really close to her. This week it was a bit different. Not bad....just not as connected. I had just finished my not so great therapy session before class, so I was not in the best of moods.

I'm going to stop my ramble and go to bed. Maybe some sleep will help bring a new perspective on things tomorrow morning.
Thanks for reading!!