BI... it's called "disorganized attachment" and yes many of us have felt the same way.

What makes you feel so darn uncomfortable is that this relationship with your T (who sounds very consistent and understanding so far) is that she is reacting very differently from what you are used to experiencing with other caregivers in your past. This is good and healing. Hang in there.

TN

BI - yes. I think many of us can relate. I spent several months in therapy alternating almost daily, sometimes hourly, between wanting to quit and desperately wanting to get closer to my T. Most weeks, when I talk to support people in my life, I end up saying, "So, can I quit yet?" It does get better over time, though it feels like very slow going in my case. I find sometimes talking about those wanting to quit feelings with T can be very helpful, but recently I have been prefacing those sort of things with, a sort of "Don't leave, because most of me doesn't want to lose you!" statement, LOL.

Hi BI
Yes absolutely felt like throwing in the towel, for me they have come about when difficult feelings have come up and I can't access them or process them in a neat and tidy way; even though I might have started the topic I have wanted out big time - going through a phase of it this week - but T is there still opening the door and still smiling at me even though I have wanted her to get mad at may say on the day I ran out on her.

T makes me so mad. I know the reason. It's because she can't give me the "attention" I need or want. It's because I can't control her. SO, I have been acting like "fine then! I don't need you!" I play it so cool, and think I am fooling everyone. BUT, then deep down inside I know I am not fooling myself. I am just playing "brave" or whatever you want to call it. I know I need her. I need her to be there for me, and be a stable person that I can rely on. I'm just not used to it.

Thanks everyone for the advice...and especially for listening.

Unbelievable, holy crap and any other exclamation I can make.

This is happening to me today. Well i didn't realise it until I read the posts. I need to read it all in detail, but it is happening to me right now.

I told her I think I was picking a fight with her so I could push her away (because that is what happens all the other times in my life). She is reacting to me in a way that I am so uncomfortable about - but it is because I am not used to it. Hell right I am not used to it - I feel like my skin is crawling - it feels so foreign. She isn't doing anything wrong, just different.

I want to run so far away - yet I need her more than ever.

BI,

I can relate,and I think our Ts are used to their clients throwing in the towel from time to time. Therapy is hard work. Hopefully you are able to bounce back to a place where therapy feels good again.