I have a tendency to put everyone above me. There they sit up on my minds pedestal. All the better to impress, says she. Mind likes a challenge. And challenged she has been. Instead of seeing others as my equal, my need is to see them as far better than me in all respects. I need someone to look up to, to feel my need for approval will be fulfilled. I set myself up for disappointment, then comes emotion. I no longer have a challenge. I feel let down/rejected, and shiddy towards them and myself. Brain then has an out let for her anger. It’s a habit brain got into while living with my family. It was the only hope I had of ever feeling worthy of them and myself. I guess it was a survival technique. We all need something to look forward to.