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4 replies

Gave her a hug and a gift- then promptly freaked the heck out.

navymenavymeMember
So this past week was the one year anniversary of when I started to see my T...

Realizing this caused some 'taking stock' of the experience to date etc.

I went to the session armed with a letter, a card and a gift....

I read the letter and then left it with her. It identified the things she had helped me realize, and involved a lot of humour, we laughed a lot together as I read it...

I had gotten her a book called "the book of awesome". It's a great book that contains 1000 examples of the simplest pleasures in life... Like the smell of crayons, stealing French fries off a plate, etc... I chose this book because it struck me as 'mindfulness for dummies' and told her that the next time she came across someone as stubborn as me who didn't get the mindfulness thing... She could use it as an example. She loved it.

At the end of our time that day, I leaned in for a hug, and she opened her arms and gave me a great hug....

All in all, it was a great session.

Then as I drove away, my mind started running...

First I had given her a gift without asking permission and checking if it was, in any way, acceptable behavior to do so... Ack!!

Second, I had, by action, forced a hug on her... Crap!!!

So, I sent a detailed apology when I got home that Outlined all of the things I had done wrong, why they were wrong and clearly stated that I was aware of consequences and understood entirely if I had caused irreparable damage...etc... Etc

She responded almost immediately, in an amazing and genuine way... Saying how everything I had done was perfect, that there were no issues, that she loved the book- that it meant more to her than my just paying for sessions... Etc

I feel like such an idiot. Why did I have to taint such a great experience with such crap? Frowner
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starfishstarfishMember
Navy Me,

I think your card, gift and reasons for giving then to her were just perfect.It's not as if you do that every week is it? She seemed to appreciate the significance of the anniversary and the importance of you being able to acknowledge what she has done for you, and I think that is wonderful.I loved the way she gave you a hug too, as a confirmation of all of the above Smiler

Oh yes, I can see why you might have gone home and freaked...therapy rules are sometimes difficult to fathom Wink but how awaesome that she sent back that affirming email.

She sounds a wonderful T, so worry about it no more.If I ever have to check something out with T and then feel silly afterwards for doing so, T always tells me that she's very glad that I did check out, just to be sure, because then I can know something for certain and stop any unecessary worrying.

Just hold on to all the many good things from that session Navy Me Hug two

starfishy
closeddoorscloseddoorsMember
Navy Me, i think you're entire story is beautiful! i know i'd be equally hard on myself for contacting her afterwards, but as an outsider looking in it was just an extension of the experience and was meant to be. i think you were both brave and honest to email(?) her afterwards. they were feelings you had and you got them out! awesome! you could have buried those feelings and maybe down the road that would have caused the irreparable damage. you needed affirmation and she promptly affirmed you! that's a pretty basic need and i think it's just beautiful what happened between you two and i'm happy for you. Cool
L lieseMember
NavyME

quote:
Why did I have to taint such a great experience with such crap?


Because it's scary, that's why. Because expressing positive attachment feelings aren't always appreciated and sometimes leave us vulnerable. Because we all know what the some of the literature says about gift-giving but we also know that not all T's think gifts are a negative thing and they appreciate the gesture. Yours did.
avoidantavoidantMember
Navy Me.

I can relate so well to what you have experienced.

Early on in my therapy I took hold of T's hand without asking first and kissed it as my way of saying thank you for the session. I beat myself into a frenzy over what I had done and e-mailed her the next day to apologise, and even to say I would understand if she did't wish to see me any longer. T replied at once to say "Don't worry, you haven't done anything wrong". She now accepts that this is just my way of saying goodbye to her at the end of a session.

Occasionally if I ask T if I can give her a hug as well, she is normally OK with that too, and it is more often than not reciprocated by her.

I also got T a card for her birthday and asked if a small gift would be accceptable to her as well, which she agreed it would be.

As Liese rightly says, expressing attachment feelings like this is a scary thing to do, as we are all aware of the 'guidelines' on gift giving etc, but I am so glad that your T accepted it in the spirit in which it was given, as does mine.

I would remember your anniversary session with great fondness Navy Me!!

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