did anyone else panic about getting married? and i dont think its because i'm not sure about my partner, he's stood by me for a long time already. i spent a few sessions talking about it with my T but it didn't seem enough, and i dont know if i can reach a place where i can feel at peace with this major decision - without any conflict between the different parts of me. maybe that's unrealistic anyway, and by the time i am at peace with myself i will be all old and wrinkly anyway.
its a lot to do with my past i think, because the small part of me is still scared about it, that he will become like my father / brother and that i will become this submissive stupid wife (like my mother was)... although my relationship with my partner is quite different. so rationally i know it, but emotionally i am still not quite there...
just wondering if anyone else had feelings like this? i havent been able to talk to any of my friends as i feel like they wont understand, and they'll just say its just last minute wedding jitters... but then again, i was chicken and i didnt even give them a chance.... i tend to just try to deal with everything myself... and then it feels like its all gonna blow up in my face.
its actually a very small simple 'wedding' (gosh, i even hate the words 'wedding', 'wife', 'married'...... is there somethign wrong with me?!)... so there hasnt even been that much to plan - but i have been beyond stresed and tired and missing my T too as she's on holiday now.
and i was hoping i would be able to enjoy it... at least a little... now it feels like if i dont run away or lock myself in the bathroom, it will be a success...
or should i give myself 'the option' of running away - or cancelling, and then maybe i will feel better about it?
any advice or similar experiences much appreciated. thanks for 'listening' to my stressed completely self-involved babbling!
puppet
Some parts of me love my life right now, some parts feel discontented and would prefer something very different. I think some of that is me needing better integration and self care, but some of it is just life. . . for me to feel no conflict at all about something as major and complex as marriage, I might need to be dead. 
In my family my nieces & nephews seem to think its ok to have children & live together w/o getting married. Growing up Catholic I'm sure it kills my parents to watch. So I'm so excited you promised each other to be there for each other. When you live together I think its a bit easier to walk away, but thats my opinion.