i love the title of this thread and it's implications. i am assuming you reference is to "the king and I"? if not and it's totally incoincidental ... either way i think it's wonderful!

my thoughts on the subject are that ultimately the lessons we need to learn in therapy are what we need to learn about ourselves and our relationshipes/boundaries/whatever with other people. although it may appear the easier way to go, we can't live an a vacuum if we are to live a full live. it's all about our relationships with others. (((cack))). obviously, i'm still working on it ....

Hi Cat,

I have an insatiable desire to know all about my T's life but I've actually found it causes more harm and hurt because it reinforces those left out feelings so many of us experience with our T's.

I know my T loves me in a way nobody ever has. He cares for me deeply, he knows my deepest hurts and fears and treats them with compassion and respect. He takes all my feelings and thoughts seriously and sees and appreciates my humor and intellect and capitalizes on those during the therapy process. I know I am enormously worthy and very safe emotionally with him. I know our connection never stops and that he often thinks about me.

Wow that was quite a prattle!

I went through something similar with regard to my own T. A few months in, I got caught up in a really powerful transference, which I found profoundly scary.

Without really thinking about what the consequences would be for me, I did some research on the internet. I stumbled across information about her family. Nothing very concrete or private but enough for me to really feel bad that I'd tried to look her up. Cue a lot of angsty introspection on my part!

I think like you Cat, I was more concerned about how she regarded me, which makes sense as I'd managed to pigeon-hole her into 'wished-for parental figure' in my head. I wanted from her what was often absent or ambiguous in the relationship with my mother. My research was a slightly misguided search for closeness.

quote:

I think it is probably because I have determinedly not heard her when she has tried to bring it up.

This has made me smile ruefully! It has taken me a long time to realise that experiential learning and healing happens on its own time scale. This is something I wrestle with constantly. I tell myself that because I 'get it', I need to be over it and moving on to the next issue.

Similarly, I want to bring these feelings more out into the open. I've gotten a lot better at referencing our relationship. Sometimes I can even acknowledge that what happens in the room can mirror what happens in my relationships. I'm still not completely there though. I'm not big on trust, which doesn't help with these things!