wow, provo, you are my HERO!! when t2/Dr. Sleepy fell asleep on me, i told him 'i feel like i am putting you to sleep'...my way of being responsible for being so fing boring, my fault, the whole 'me=bad' routine.

i LOVE your take, slap your hands together and demand no charge on the session and a rematch the next day!!

great going, and great advise for frog. and frog, i know exactly what you are saying about hiding, i stack pillows around me and turn off the lamp, as i want SO MUCH to be invisible!!! i recall an old p, who had such a dark office, i LOVED that. so much easier to 'be' when no one can see you!! totally relate, frog. but the napping???? not on my dime, i just didn't have the courage to speak it the way provo did. much prefer her way!!

sorry about the crappy session / good session swirl. sometimes i think when my expectations were highest, i was let down. i still have not found the right mix on 'therapist lead', versus 'me lead'
sessions, or, probably i have not found a really adept therapist yet. the first just listened, the second fell asleep, the third talked about herself too much...and i was always confused as to what the point of the story was, assuming it HAD a point for my therapy, which, now, i see, my perception was RIGHT, it HAD NO POINT other than for her to flap her jaw so i would think she was big stuff!! what a loser, anyway, don't get me going there, but, good luck to you on getting some handle on the 'no i am not tired' and the 'yes you are'...these guys don't know how perceptive WE are, and honesty is so much better than nullifying our ACCURATE perceptions!! goodness knows we ALL get tired every now and then.

i think my next therapist is going to have to not be arrogant. human. admit they are not God's gift to the therapy industry....then, i will know they are 'real'.

hmmmmmmmmmmmm....good luck to you frog!!! jill

Jill and "Provo"

thanks for your respond and understanding- You are right: Honestly is the one thing that therapy "rest" on..Its the ground and the goal..yes..

Provo: I must say, i almost JUMPED here as i read what you did- CLAPPED YOUR HANDS- HOW DARED YOU?? WOW. You seem to be a strong woman! I`ll neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeever gonna do something like that. No way. To scared, to f** humble with my T- AND mostly: I`m so deeply want him "off the hoock", its so painfull when he "goes there"- into that tired noddy place... I seriouly dont think i manage another: "but you look tired!" myT; "no.. i am not.." I WISH I JUST BELIVED HIM-

Question: Do you think He may have a point? That he doesnt acually IS tired (or bored of me)? What could the REASON be- for him to not agree- or ADMIT the (boredom) tiredness????

my worst fear is that this "little" twist one day is gonna make him explode and that me "picking on him" (and being intolerant and a demanding and hard patient) and He`s(human error) gonna lead to... etherapy-ending??
I love him, and I`ll NEVER quit therapy with him, EVEN if he sleeps the whole session.. thats just the (sad) truth.


No no.. this is so frustrating. All I want is just to make him understand how much it HURTs me, when he gets tired. (No one else in the whole world has that influence at me..) I make you my guiding star at this- next time (tomorrow I will see my T, and it will propably come up again!) and think of you as i try "to push him" a little harder.. "TELL ME THE TRUTH MAN!" (haha- so brave in fantasy, so scared in that room with my T! Lol)


Jill: I relate to you- I always find the darker room- the better. And LOL- I can imagine how (sweet) you look - tryin to go "invisible" there.. Do you need to hide, also when lying down on the couch? Or are you hiding from he`s "look on you?" - facing him?

My guess: It`s about shame. Cover our shame. Yeah..

How is your new T? (or are you not in therapy in this moment?)

again: Thanks for your responses.
All good to you
- Frog

Hello there Frog - I've not been posting much since you joined but have been reading your posts (I enjoy reading them they're great!)

Just wanted to drop by and say hi - and to wish you well with your session tomorrow - hope you manage to be brave enough to talk to him about his being tired and push him to explain why if he says he's not tired, why then does he LOOK tired/bored. It would be strange if he kept denying it - there must be something going on. Good luck with it

LL

quote:

Originally posted by Frog:
Do your T have this effect at you sometimes? Like the eyes are "to good" or to sharpe- so you wanna dig yourself down and hide? I wanna see him, ALL the time, but sometimes just cant stand that he SEES me..

Oh boy, I sure DO know this feeling. She looks at me sometimes and I would swear, absolutely swear that she's reading my mind. And my magical shield pillow (aka her toss pillow) is the only thing that repels her mind-reading power.

quote:

Do you have typical "same-old-discussions" with you T that NEVERS seems to be fixed? Like that typically dialog i have with m T: "You are tired" "no, i am not." "i am boring you" "no, you are not." WHY CANT HE JUST ADMIT IT? i dont understand..

Yup. I have a fear that T will be mad at me. I am thinking somehow my words have done something to make her upset. And when she's reading something I wrote, I hear her sigh occasionally. So I say "you're mad at something" and she says no every time. But what was the sighing for, I wonder?

I guess my perceptions are pretty sharp too. Almost to a fault I think sometimes. The sighing is incredibly noticeable in a quiet room. And also my lousy mom sighed ALL the Time at Everything I did as if I was a major PAIN in her side that EVERYTHING was just so inconveniencing for her to do. So is T sighing because she's exasperated that Forlorn is so inconveniencing? IDK, but it DOES feel that way.

So Frog I understand. I wish your T would say something more than "no, i am not." It would help you not feel insecure about the situation. He should see his tiredness (whether he believes he is or not) is affecting you.

Forlorn and "Provo"

Forlorn: pardon, but what is "sighing??" (again, my english vocabulary is still bad) is it a sound- like hmmm? I would like to know, it sound like you got the same issue there..


Provo, You are SO ON BASE her my dear. Thank you for hammering(?) in that this things ain`t my fault. I have to repeat that to myself over and over again.

But i have to confess: Todays session i forgot the whole thing. (my anger was blowed away) And my T was "back in buisiness" again, i came late so i know he was a bit tired (after a long day, blabla, he drank coffe as usual) but he was really tuned on me and PRECENT the whole session, (i didnt see him, as i was lying(?) on the sofa today, but I deeply felt he was connected, and i am an expert in catching the tone in his voice. I think. Gosh- i hope i'm right!) so no more harsh word on him today.. i just feel thankful right now. And also ready to CONFRONT him the next time i see him get the tired "face". (oh yeah- that session will come again.. maybe tomorrow?)Thank you for your girl-power- i`ll grasp that one

again: I feel so humble and thankful for your responses. I might tell my T- that i have some wise and unknown friends out there- He`will be shocked to learn that i`m painting a (noddy) picure of him at the www. lol.
Thanks.

quote:

Originally posted by Frog:
Forlorn: pardon, but what is "sighing??" (again, my english vocabulary is still bad) is it a sound- like hmmm? I would like to know, it sound like you got the same issue there..

It's a sound, like a deep breath out. Sort of like hmmm but with no vocal sounds only the breath. I take it to mean she's upset cause when I usually sigh, it is because I'm feeling sad or sorrow.

But I did talk to her about the sighing and she said it is because she thought something I said was very insightful.

I'm glad the last session was much better for you though!