(((((CAT)))))

Thinking of you. Don't know what to say or what I can offer.



Liese

I am really bad at grief/loss and don't do it at all well. It was the reason I went to T in the first place 15 years ago and her and I had a session last week on exactly that SAME loss last week - I seem to hold onto grief for a long time. Sorry I can't offer any constructive advice.

I'm sorry for your grief and pain Cat.

Cat - this sounds really really hard.

Talking will help, to someone who is caring about you. And feeling supported helps. So choose who to share this with. You do deserve support and care. I don't know the details - but each person deserves kindness when grieving and supporting each other how we can, is what we are basically about as human beings.

I feel for you. I lost my dear friend I, last December, too soon, we thought she had longer than she had. It was heart breaking. My best friend not only refused to acknowledge the grief I was in, but yelled at me for it. A lot. And harshly. My T was super, he rang me very day between her death and me leading the funeral, it was heroic of him (and now when I get pissed off at him, I remember how kind and supportive he was then and I mellow)

Please be so utterly kind to yourself during this awful time.

I envelope you in the warmest of hugs. One heart to another. May you not be carrying such pain on your own.

Cat,

I don't have any great advice, but wanted to say that I read and I'm thinking of you. I hope that you can find a way to take in caring that may be available to you. I understand how difficult that can be.

I don't really know what to say but I do hope that you're able to talk about it more. You deserve that.

Sending hugs your way ((((Cat))))

Grief is so individual, yet, don't we all know what grief is? There are so many different kinds of losses, too. A support group is a good idea, if it 'fits.'

Talking and journaling....

Not sure what else, but make sure you do grieve a loss. When you don't, it can be emotionally damaging to you.

Geez....I am bad with grief also. I lost the only person who I ever mattered to almost a year ago - and I still can't deal with it. I feel for you ((((hugs))))

Thanks for the support, ideas, and hugs.



This week has been really hard so far I'm having a lot of ED problems dealing with this. Sorry I can't give details, it's just too hard right now.

See T1 tomorrow, I just want to color with her so we probably will. T2 on Thursday... and I don't even think I can face her because my grief feels so illegitimate. I don't know what else to do I always do loss alone.

I'm scared of the weekend just... blah. I think journaling will help if I don't spiral in to self-rage. Right now I've had a lot of distraction time due to work, studying...

Take care, all.

Hi Cat,

In my experience grief is the loneliest emotion there is. It's like the world is going on as usual for everyone else, but you've somehow lost an arm or a leg and will never feel the same again. And you are conscious of that loss from minute to minute. Even if other people close to you are grieving the same person, your loss is specific to you, because the relationship you had was your own and unique.

Maybe I simply had a lack of good support when I was grieving, but I never felt that talking to people helped me much, although I did it some. I mean, sure it's nice when people express condolences and all, but it can all feel like it's coming from such a distance. What did help me in grieving (and this might sound a bit dorky) was spending some time immersed in reading poetry about grief and loss. Seriously. Those Victorians can mourn like nobody's business (a lot of what I read was from the Victorian era). Finding poems that expressed in beautiful and poignant language what I was feeling helped me to feel understood and less alone. It also helped me to acknowledge and interact with my feelings in a way I may not have done otherwise. It's different from talking to someone in person, but really to read the thoughts of another who has gone through what you are going through is to experience a form of mental companionship that has an intimacy and immediacy all of it's own. "We read to know we're not alone."

Anyway. That's how grief was/is for me.

Hugs to you.

(((Cat)))

Hope your time with T1 today was helpful, whatever it is you ended up doing.

I don't know what it is, but the first thing that falls apart when I start to stress is eating. ED is such a pain in the @$$, and even though I know I need to be consistent, it's the easiest thing to let lapse when things start falling into chaos again. Grief is a funky thing - I'm in a bit of it myself, and it so does not feel right, either, considering it's not a long term loss. We just have to take it one day at a time... right?

No words of wisdom, just commiserating and lots of empathy ((Cat))

((HIC)) Thank you so much. It is very lonely. I'm sorry you have not had good support either. Victorians DO know their loss hehehe. I will take your recommendation and see what I can find. My situation isn't really something that's out there as poems and stuff but I can look for general loss stuff.

((R2G)) thank you of rthe reminder about one day at a time and ED is a pain.. today I've done better. Even though I've yelled at everyone in my path

I'm losing my dog tomorrow. 8:30 in the morning.

He's not dying, but I can't keep him. He needs an expensive medical procedure I can't afford and special care I can no longer afford. It's not a matter of finding a couple extra $'s a month but it's a matter of I refuse to neglect him because it is financially impossible - I've kept him even though my life has change drastically as of 2 years ago (no house, no relationship, no stability, I was in in/out of the hospital) because he kept me safe - we resonate. I refuse to have his life shortened or him being put down because I can't afford to fix him and take care of what he needs. There are other issues that lead to this decision.

I've never given away a pet before. I've had pets given away because of me, hurt because of me and I promised myself my whole life... that if you take on something and you bring it in you take care of it until the end. I feel absolutely no self-compassion at all. I couldn't tell T2 because she recently lost a pet to death. I told her today but the self-hate it brought up ended up in me blowing up at her to get her the hell away from me. The only experience I have with this sort of loss is self-hate because it's been my fault and this is my fault.

I waited with this looming over me for weeks until I heard back from a rescue that could take him, and have a home for him with a yard, and other dogs of the same type. I can't explain the heart ache I feel and don't have enough words in english to describe how much I hate myself. I feel like I don't deserve compassion, I don't deserve anything and I don't know what to do. Until today only T1 knew and the person who is driving him to the vet in my physical life knew and two dear friends I know 'electronically'.

I think a lot of people give their pets up for reasons I can't even begin to accept (my kid did something bad, I don't like the animal, etc). But I understand in the end it is better for them.

I might not even get to go with him tomorrow because of work - I don't even think my boss will find this even a remotely good reason to call out sick. All she does is ride my ass... and all I can do is sit here, feeding him his last meal with me (because I can't tomorrow he has his surgery scheduled immediately) and cry. I yelled at her (my boss) earlier today because it's unending stress with her on some projects recently. I can't cope anymore.

Today has been one of the worst days of my life because it is met with tiny little anniversaries every second. Last breakfast, last afternoon potty walk, last time I walk in the door after being out and see him, last time I sleep with him at the foot of my bed, last time he chews a bone at my feet while i'm on my computer, last time i walk him at night and let him off leash in the green area to run in circles, last time he places his paw on me while I just sit beside him and cry because this is so. fucking. hard.

Anyway.. I just had to put this out somewhere. I'm crumbling apart.

Cat I am so terribly sorry. I love dogs. I had 2 of them during my life. Losing them was terrible. You know how much I was attached to and loved oldT's dog. He meant so much to me and I lost him and I grieved him very hard. I wanted that last meeting with oldT so I could say goodbye to Tdog. I still grieve his loss.

Cat you have been very good to your dog and please don't hate yourself. You are sacrificing your own feelings so that he can go somewhere to get the medical care he needs. You are doing a very loving thing for him. You are putting him first. That is what we do when we love something/someone... we put them first. You are doing the right and loving thing here. Please don't beat yourself up. I know how hard those "last" things are. You will grieve for awhile and you need to allow yourself to do that. I know you feel it's not something you should be doing and he's only a dog.... but he is your family and friend. Of course you will have grief. Anyone here who has ever lost or given up a beloved pet will understand your grief.

You are a good person Cat and I'm so sorry you had to make this decision to let your dog go away. I know there is not much I can say to ease your pain but please know I am thinkng of you both.

Hugs
TN

Awww Cat I am so sorry, I know how dreadful losing a dog feels, there is that unconditional love and loyalty from a dog that is so special. It sounds very much as if you ARE doing the right thing, but I know that won't make the hurting any better



starfishy

((TN)) Thank you... losing them is terrible. And I do remember you talking about Tdog. I get so close to animals, my dog when I'm home... he's not more than 3 ft away from me. I got up because I couldn't sleep and her got up too. It's just... so hard.

((fishy)) Thank you. The kind of love a dog lives is so very very special.

((((CAT))))

Such a hard place to be in. It had to be such a difficult decision to make. Thinking of you today.



Liese

So sorry Cat It sounds like you made a really hard decision but the one you thought would be best for your dog. The grief is bad enough without hating yourself about it.

Cat,
You are doing the best thing you can for your pet...it is commendable. I know it is hard though. Wish I could offer you lots of comfort! So sorry for you.


Hopeful

((hugs above))

That was quite possibly the hardest thing I've ever done. The lady made it quick and was gentle with me.

((((Cat)))))

I'm sorry. I had to let a dog go (in the other way, granted) and be there with her when she went, because she was suffering badly and we couldn't help her (it was unhealable). It really WAS one of the most painful things I have ever done in my life. It is an amazing act of love that you just showed to your animal. I know it hurts. Lots of hugs and good energy heading your way.

Aw, Cat. How utterly heartwrenching in every way. I'm so, so sorry. Sending tender loving care to you, and my hope for peace in your heart to come to you. You've made the most loving decision you could have made- and a most dear and unselfish one, too.

(((Cat)))

I am SO sorry you had to go through this - I went through it myself several years ago with my two cats. Hardest. Thing. Ever.

Sending you lots of hugs and peace...

((yaku)) ((bb)) ((r2G))

thank you guys.

It's been a weird adjustment it was strange to get up this morning and have a different routine. i went on our normal walk just so it wouldn't feel so abnormal. I didn't get to pick up poop in a bag though for the first time in 2 years since we moved from having a backyard so... that was a bonus I guess i'm hoping he is adjusting well.

I am so sorry that you've had to make this sacrifice, Catkins. My heart goes out to you my dear.



SG

Thinking about you today Cat, and yes, it is excruciatingly painful.

((SG)) ((n9))

Thank you! Today has been my first day at work without him... so my routine has been stressed. Tomorrow will be my first day heading to the office then... coming home w/o him here. It's slowly getting better. Saw my T today and got to talk to her about it. I have a tendency to have a worse time with the ANTICIPATION of something and then moving through it and getting past it goes much easier. But T subtley tried to add a good word in for seeking support earlier by saying "Yes, it was hard at first because you weren't talked to anyone and it got so much better after you let more people know".

I picked my eyes up off the floor (since they literally rolled out of my head) but I said... I know hehehe. She makes a good point.. .

I've been so thankful for the support here and also from my friends.

(((Cat))))

and yes, doesn't anticipation suck?!

I’m very late to reply here, but I really wanted to say how sorry I am Cat that you had to give up your lovely dog. I agree with what some others have said, that was an amazingly caring thing to do to put him first like that, but SO hard for you .

There has to be a lot of comfort in the fact that he is in a new caring home and being well looked after. I wonder if you have the opportunity to see how he’s doing from time to time, or maybe that’s just too painful for both of you.

I’m pretty blown away by the card your T sent you, I think that was great and I’m really pleased it helped you in your grief, AND created a deeper connection between you and T.

Hope the loss is getting smaller each day, and that one day you’ll be able to think of him with joy rather than grief.

LL

((r2g)) ((LL))

Thanks ladies

LL - Yes, my T did something amazing and so sweet. It really did help. Especially because I was feeling so awful about myself with this whole situation. I'm not able to get updates on him, and it's for the best, it would have been far too painful.

It's been a week now and I didn't really realize just how much a part of my life he was... I find myself out thinking about him or worrying. Feeling a bit of anxiety when I know I've been out longer than I wanted and need to get home to him. It's still strange in the morning and when I do things he's usually there for... I finally cleaned up and moved some stuff that I needed to that I was kind of avoiding. A final purge of everything. It was hard.

(((((((( Cat ))))))))

LL

f

((((((((cat))))))))

I don't have any words, but I can relate deeply. I've been reading along and wanted to send you hugs and my prayers. It has to be so hard to let go.

Cat, hi.

I never posted here, because it was a bit triggering. But, it is good for me to face my feelings about my dogs. Just one more feeling thing I stuffed down I see. I re-homed my two dogs when I was depressed and just felt so overwhelmed with all I had to take care of. I think I understand some of what you are going through and wanted you to know I care. Many hugs!