Oh... OW, I am so sorry you are suffering through this. You have every right to feel violated and very angry. Our relationships with our T's are very intimate and private and I would be extremely upset in your place. My dh does not even know I'm in therapy. I don't tell him because he would harrass me and drive me crazy wanting to know what we talk about in session and I know it would inhibit me. He would not ever accept me having this kind of intimate relationship with another man (I have a male T).

I don't have an answer for you as to what to do. You definitely need to talk about this with your T. I will share something that happened to me as a teen. I used to write stories. I loved to write... mostly teen angst romance stuff... very innocent. I used to hide the stories but one day my mom found them and got really angry with me and tore them up into little pieces. I was heartbroken and terribly violated. It scared me so badly that I didn't write again for many many years.... not until about 8 years ago. I have posted some of my fiction on writing boards and gotten very favorable reviews. Maybe one day I will get up the courage to try publishing something. But... you see... no one in my "real" life knows that I write. It took me many months just to tell my T about this. And it took me a long time to link it back to my mom tearing up my stories when I was 13. My T has been very very supportive about this and it has helped me to try to get over that old anger and hurt from years ago.

I'm sorry for what happened to you. Privacy should be respected. Talk to your T so you can process the anger. Your dh definitely owes you an apology and not accusations.

Hug
TN

OW,
I am SO sorry and TOTALLY appalled. I would be enraged if my husband read my journal. I write my journal for myself and myself alone. I once left it in my T's office and frantically banged on the door to recover it. I don't even want God reading my journal.

That was an incredible violation of your privacy and your trust and your anger is completely understandable. That journal contains information about you that is yours to decide when, how and if you share it and with whom. This is a gross violation of your boundaries and in some ways an emotional rape.

And I know the reason you were wondering about sexual feelings was from reading here on Myshrink and seeing how many people were struggling with erotic transference. Plus, the intensity of the feelings when this happens makes it feel like "falling in love." Questioning the sexual attraction is one of the ways we try to understand and define what's happening to us when the intensity hits.
Not to mention that even if it were present, that wouldn't make you gay. Heterosexual's experience erotic transference with same sex therapists because it's not really about the sex.

I wish so much that I could say something to make this better, like being able to turn the clock back and make your husband not have read the journal.

((((Open Windows))))

AG

PS And I don't care how much trouble your marriage was in, NOTHING justifies what your husband did. How could he possibly think that violating your privacy so egregiously would HELP the marriage?!!?? (Sorry, I'm sputtering I'm so angry for you!).

quote:

Originally posted by Summer:

I've wanted to keep a journal and have considered it since my P retired, but I don't, simply because I'm afraid it will be found. I do all of my writing about my P on my laptop. Everything is saved through emails to myself with nothing actually saved on my computer hard drive. I know that sounds paranoid.

Hi Summer, I am with you on this. I journal a lot, (actually, it is more like writing letters to my T that I don't send!) I either send emails to myself, or write journal entries to myself and put security passwords on it! I get feeling paranoid!

OW, I am so sorry about the terrible invasion of your privacy. I know how devastating that had to be. There is just absolutely no excuse for it.

WhereamI

quote:

Originally posted by Summer:
I've wanted to keep a journal and have considered it since my P retired, but I don't, simply because I'm afraid it will be found.

I use some journaling software that encrypts your writing and lets you put a password on it. It's call "The Journal" -- you can find out more here: http://www.davidrm.com/

I also like the way it works, as a piece of software. Just thought I'd throw that out here.

There's also online journaling services, although then you need to trust those service providers to keep your writing private. Still, it's another option.

OW,

I have nothing new to add that others here didn't say. I just want to tell you that that completely stinks. He had no right to do that. It's so not okay. That's a HUGE boundary crossing. I have a friend who told her spouse that if her journal was read without permission, it would be a marriage breaker. That's how big of a deal it is.

I'm sorry that you're going through this.

Cat

Thank you to everyone who responded. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to respond. I've been reading the replies over and over and it's been very helpful (as have been the chats with a few of you).

I'm still angry and not sure how to handle it. Things have been stressful around the house because I'm not really tolerating anything H says or does that I used to. He knows I'm really upset with him and he's responding by being mad at me.

TN - Your mom taking your writing and tearing it up is horrible! I wrote a lot as a teen, too, and would be devastated if that happened. I have recently rediscovered some of the stuff I wrote and am so glad to have it. My journal has been a great way to get me back to writing for myself instead of work, and it is extremely important to me. I'd love to read some of your writing.

AG - you're right, I did mention sexual feelings because of all the talk on the board. I have had erotic transference for a female before, but not with this T, so I'm pretty clear about my feelings here. Of course, I didn't tell my H that!

HB - I am furious with is a strange emotion to me. I'm not enjoying it at all. Sometimes when I think about what he did, I just start shaking I'm so upset. Usually, I keep my emotions bottled in much more.

Summer - I thought about doing my journal on my laptop, but I get too sidetracked by work (which is on my computer), and fun things like Facebook. When I write it out on paper, my thoughts have my full attention. It is a nightmare, though, knowing he read it and that it's possible he could find it again and read more. I'm trying to not let it effect what I write.

WAI - no excuse AT ALL. I am so good at giving him excuses, but I am sure I won't in this case.

Z - thanks for the info. I am considering switching to the laptop, but like I said above, I get too distracted.

catgirl - I'm pretty sure this would be a marriage breaker for me, if it weren't already broken. But it does sort of seal the deal.

Tthanks again everyone, your support has made a big difference.

OW

Hey OW. I haven't been on much in the last few days and am working on catching up. I just want to reiterate how WRONG I think what your H did was... I can only imagine how violating that was/is. Everyone's responses here have been thorough but I just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking about you. Keep us posted.

-CT