I had such a bad day today, three experiences of terrible emotional pain that is deeper than any experienced before, all within 24 hours. i am definitely smaller than I have ever felt, feel about less than one year old, there are various physical movements that give away my age at the time as it sweeps through me. I had to ring a National phone line, and also my husband and eventually sweetP

Again he is so utterly reassuring, even though what is going on is really serious. He pointed out that even when I was truly in a dangerous place, I did actually ring the help line and so that means there is a part of me protecting me.

sweetP said " We can work through this, we can. It is something we can work with and come through. I truly believe that S. I do. You have been fighting to survive all your life and you are now reaching very core feelings. THere is a way through."

And I am hanging on to that hope - like a life line. I feel like I am hanging on to him like you hang on to the edge of a cliff. Just gripping really hard on that little glimmer of hope he has given me.

I had lost hope. I had begun to truly believe that there is no way to mend me.