AG that is so sad and I'm really sorry that your mother is in such denial and is so avoidant about what happened and worse that she has seemingly cut you off. I can only say that it is her great loss. To deprive herself of a relationship with someone as wonderful, giving, forgiving, funny, talented, warm and intelligent as you are is a very sad thing for her. I can only pity her for what she has denied to herself. And not only you but your lovely family as well.

I know it does not ease the hurt and pain and I know there is huge grief over this but you need to know how valuable you are to me, to us here and to your friends and family. I hope this pain will ease for you. You deserve only love and understanding.

Lotsa hugs
TN

AG

I can truly understand how awful it is to watch people lock themselves up behind their own defences and end up miserable, angry and unhappy.

I'm so glad you have been able to find healing and I'm truly sorry this is something you can't share with your mother. I'm so sorry she's never been able to be there for you the way you needed her to. You deserved and deserve better.

Hugs to you xx

((((AG))))

I am so sorry that your relationship with your mother has evolved in this way. I mentioned to you before that I haven't spoken to my mother in almost a year and a half. The year we cut ties I sent her a final birthday present and she sent me nothing. My mother was the main perpetrator of abuse in our house, but I will tell you, it was still incredibly painful to be completely disowned by her, as if I never even existed. She never picked up the phone or sent an email or did anything, not even once, to reconcile with me.

Even with all the terror and pain and anguish she caused me, she was still my mother, the woman I was supposed to turn to for love and nurturing. The loss is indescribable. There are moments, even now, with all the work I have done in therapy to come to terms with the truth of my past, I still can't believe my mother refuses to acknowledge me as her daughter. Now I know, in my case, that is the way she always was. There are no words to describe the sadness and the loss.

Many hugs to you. You are so brave.
DBS

I'm so sorry you've had to go through this AG I so very much understand a lot of it and can only offer understanding and gentle rocking s

(((AG)))

AG:

I am so sorry for what you are going through with your Mom.

T.

(((AG)))

I know many of us here sadly understand the hurt you are experiencing. I don't wish that on anyone. But the boundaries you have set are healthy and appropriate and it shows you are caring for yourself by not allowing her toxicity to alter who you are which is a kind and forgiving person. It took me many years to set safe boundaries with my mother and while the hurt that comes from being estranged from the person who is supposed to protect and nurture you is painful, I think the hurt is greater having a relationship with a person who is not capable of providing that nurturing to you because you are constantly confronted with her failings as a mother and it is often, at least in my case, difficult to remember that her rejection and failure to live up to what you want and need in a mother is about her and not about you. Cutting off contact with my mother allowed me to grieve the fact that I will never have the kind of mother that I am to my own child and that I wanted for so long. When she was in my life, I was constantly holding out hope that one day she would start loving me in the way I wanted her to do. That is a fantasy that I was only able to give up once I had sufficient space from her. My point is that although it doesn't feel great, I hope this will give you some space to heal so that maybe someday, there will be a place for her in your life if she finally chooses. I am in contact now with my mother after several years but its on my terms and she doesn't upset me nearly as much as she used to because I have mourned the mother she never was and never will be. Sending positive thoughts your way.

AG, hugs to you. I don't have much to add, except that your mother is missing out. You are a wonderful person and I am so thankful for you on this forum (and your blog).

(((AG))) you've done what you can as far as reaching out, and perhaps even went over-and-above given the circumstances. i imagine none of it was easy, but you did it anyway. so kuddos to you! i am so sorry that she has been unresponsive. that must hurt alot (((AG))). she's your momma, and you're right ... you SHOULD be more more important to her than the way she's treating you. but as you know, that is her stuff. she's never dealt with it and so you suffer the brunt of it and it feels like it's all about you but it's not. i really am so sorry for the pain of it all.

AG, on a positive note, you're changing the pattern (the "script" as my T would say) of an unhealthy family system. you're getting the help you need so that you can be more present for both you and those under your care. that should be your focus, and from where i sit that is your focus.

keep the door open for your mom, cuz you just never know. good for you for doing that. hugs for you on this difficult day (((AG)))