BW
Sounds like grieving to me, which is really hard work. So you are getting something done. If this weren't you but were a friend you were talking to, would you be judging her as harshly? I recently had the revelation that I should at least cut myself as much slack as I'm willing to cut other people. Its completely understandable you're having a tough time. This too shall pass (probably not quickly enough : ) but it WILL go by. Hang in there.