Skip to main content

The PsychCafe
Share, connect, and learn.
9 replies

Has your T changed how...

pathwewalkpathwewalkMember
... they approach your treatment?

I've been working with my T for 1 1/2 years now, and from the start, he's been empathic and supportive. I struggle to talk for 30 minutes, let alone 50, and there's frequently been lots of silence in our sessions. I am prone to ask a lot of questions--not personal ones, usually--and he has encouraged me repeatedly to just talk and not ask questions. When I'd get stuck and ask for a prompt, he'd tell me to just talk about whatever popped into my mind. Amazing how that phrase would make my brain go into total lockdown... is he kidding?! Nothing pops!

But he's recently shifted. I've noticed that he is not deflecting my questions, and he is actually asking me prompting questions rather than just interpreting what I've said. There's much more dialogue now, and he seems even more empathic and sensitive to me. I made a comment to this effect in our last session, and he confirmed that he has shifted his approach with me because it's what I need.

Part of me is deeply touched that he would do this, and then there is that pesky other part which seems to have the upper hand. That one is in a near panic and screams (internally) that I can't receive special treatment and I must be really pathetic because my T has had to change how he normally works just because of me, and that is SO not okay.

Ugh.

Can anyone relate?
Original Post

Replies sorted oldest to newest

H hopefulMember
Hi Outsider,
My T and I were talking about this yesterday. I told her she changed...any question like "what are your goals?" stuff like that felt like pressure to me so she changed the way she does things so it lessened my anxiety and made me able to open up more and take her in differently in a good way now. Sometimes I start to get a little wrapped up in it and why do I have to be the one to make her do differently...just for me...why do I again feel like people have to be different for me and I feel like pathetic too. I totally get how you feel but just like for me it seems to be working for you so it's progress it sounds like. I think it will make you stronger even though I know how it feels to you right now.

's
Hopeful
sdsdMember
YEP.... I can relate. While reading every word I was sitting and thinking, Yep - that happened to me and YEP - i feel exactly the same.

On one hand I feel great that T has changed for me but then on the other hand I feel damaged and useless for making her have to do that.

I have this dual war in my head a lot. It isn't until I read posts that I realise it.

SD
Attachment GirlAttachment GirlAdmin
Outsider,
I think of this as related to two things, neither of which are any reflection on you except in a good way. Our behavior when we meet someone is different from what it will be as we become more familiar with them and know them better. As your therapist has learned more about you, he has also learned more about what you need (part of what may be threatening about this is that we learned to be ashamed of our needs so someone perceiving our need, letting alone acting to meet it can feel scary).

The other part is that as we grow in therapy, what we need from our therapist changes. My therapist has definitely shifted over time as I have become more dependent and less dependent. Much the same way a parent would do things for a two year old that they wouldn't think to do for their 14 year old.

Each therapeutic dyad is unique and finds its own way. I am glad that you have a T that is paying attention to what YOU need rather than sticking rigidly to one way of working that might not work for you.

AG
E ericaMember
((Outsider)) I just wanted to add that changing, shifting, adapting to the needs of their clients is a therapist's job! I don't know any Ts that don't do this. We are taught to make adjustments based on where the client is. Being rigid and inflexible doesn't help anyone. Your T sounds like he is trying to meet you where you are and is trying to support you in the best way possible. I'm glad you're starting to feel there's more dialogue between you! That's really great! You are not pathetic!
L lieseMember
(((OUTSIDER))))

I'm so glad your T looked at himself to see how he could meet your needs better, help you feel comfortable. It sounds like the approach he used before wasn't working. That's HIS job. To help you. I would feel very uncomofortable too with what sounds like a lack of structure and/or a lack of interaction in the session. That would cause major anxiety for me.

quote:
that I can't receive special treatment and I must be really pathetic because my T has had to change how he normally works just because of me


Maybe his approach just wasn't a good one. He needs to be the one to adapt to you. You are paying him. You are FAR from pathetic.

My T once told me that it doesn't matter if his approach works with 95% (or whatever) of his clients. He has to do what works for me. I felt pathetic too. He revealed later on, though, that maybe the others just bought what he was selling and maybe he wasn't really helping them as much as he thought he was or even as much as they thought he was.

In any event, just because your T changed his approach doesn't mean his other approach was better. I think it's awesome that he was willing to try something different. Plus, don't you skype with him? That is an awkward type of situation to begin with.
peanutpeanutMember
Absolutely agree that it is fantastic that he is working to do what will help you the most. There is nothing pathetic about it - therapy is really personal and it needs to be customized for each patient. Maybe that's why the best therapists I've had have always told me that they use a combination of techniques - they may try something, it doesn't work, so they try another way.

And - why can't you receive special treatment? Would that be so terrible? Most of us have had someone go out of their way for us occasionally. It doesn't mean that other people are being mistreated.

Add Reply

Post

Membership Required

We're sorry. You must be signed in to continue. Sign In or Register
×
Are you sure you want to remove from your Block List?
×
Loading...
×
When you block a person, they can no longer invite you to a private message or post to your profile wall. Replies and comments they make will be collapsed/hidden by default. Finally, you'll never receive email notifications about content they create or likes they designate for your content.
Note: if you proceed, you will no longer be following .
×
Advanced Search
Advanced Search
Link copied to your clipboard.
×

Access to this requires a premium membership.

Be a Patron Member

Get psychotherapy help to make your therapy easier and better.



Yes, I've learned about all the benefits of being a Patron Member (Click here if you missed seeing them: Community Psychotherapy Help

Yes, I understand that...

1. I can do a 7 day free trial and my credit card will not be charged until that period is up.

2. I can cancel at any time before then and my card will not be charged.

3. That once my credit card is charged, there is no refund offered.

Have a special coupon?

4. If I'm using a coupon my receipt won't show the discounted amount (It'll show $7.95). However, I understand that it will go through as $2.95 when I am billed after the 7 day trial. (According to the current promotion, this discount applies to the first three months of my membership - and as long as I use the coupon in the checkout.)*

*Please note that after the 3 months, billing will revert to the regular monthly fee.
**The fee posted below is our standard billing fee (ie. using no coupon).

7-Day Free Trial, then $7.95 per Month (plus tax if applicable)
×