We have had some big ruptures and each time my T has been wonderful. I think mostly because she is experienced and knew where it was coming from. Even when she did things that caused it - once I explained how she affected me - she always apologised and worked on how we both fix things for the future.

Sometimes my T has caused it - she lets me be angry and admits her fault and we fix.

My T always says that we are humans, both of us will make mistakes and that we need to talk it through. Each time it happens - she says - this will happen again and through this cycle of rupture and repair we will both grow and learn in our relationship.

I have also picked fights with her many times and not realised I am doing it - I have done this because of fear of the attachment and my particular style. My T and I laugh once we realise what is going on and say "oh, you are doing *that* behaviour again".

There is no doubt in my mind that a huge amount of repair of all types is done through the rupture/repair cycle. INtense emotions are brought to the surface. I have problem with anger - and i had to be angry at this person who was supposed to be helping me. I have had many incredibly difficult weeks sending myself crazy about ruptures. Each time it gets a little easier.
Somedays