I haven't ever lied to my T, but I'm sure that if I did and I came to her and told her what I had done that she would handle it like she does everything else. Calmly and with acceptance.

I guess it might also depend on what was lied about and what the motivation was for telling the lie in the first place.

I hope everything is okay.

T2 asked me something point blank today and I lied to her.

Then later I felt horrible for it and it ate away at me, so I emailed her and told her I lied and that I was sorry for lying. I haven't heard back.

Now I am regretting having told the truth. I feel like it is going to just plant a seed of distrust in her.

Lies of omission here too, but I'm kind to myself and call it "hiding." T never makes any commentary when I tell him I've been doing it. He pretty much just treats the information as if I had given it to him when he asked.

quote:

Originally posted by scaredtoriskmyself:
I haven't ever lied to my T, but I'm sure that if I did and I came to her and told her what I had done that she would handle it like she does everything else. Calmly and with acceptance.

I guess it might also depend on what was lied about and what the motivation was for telling the lie in the first place.

I hope everything is okay.

I'm not really sure why I lied. I think I was caught off guard by her question. I wasn't anticipating it and my knee-jerk reaction was to lie about it but later wished I'd just been honest from the get-go.

quote:

Originally posted by deepfried:
I lie by omission constantly.

oh, i do this as well but I don't feel guilty about that sort of "lie". I'm just feeling guilty because T asked me a direct question and I lied to her face (or rather to the carpet!). I suspect she already knows I was lying.

quote:

Originally posted by Blanket Girl:
Yup.

Early on in therapy, I lied about substance abuse fairly regularly.

As we've gone on in our work, I've found that there have been lies by omission, or simply truths I wasn't ready to face.

My T. has handled all of these admissions with so much grace and understanding, there has been no shame in any of it.

I feel good hearing that your T was accepting of you when you can clean with her about your lies. I'm really hoping that mine does the same.

quote:

Originally posted by yakusoku:
Lies of omission here too, but I'm kind to myself and call it "hiding." T never makes any commentary when I tell him I've been doing it. He pretty much just treats the information as if I had given it to him when he asked.

Girlfriend, I am totally with you...that's not lying. Its hiding. Or not finding it "relevant to bring up today" as I like to tell myself.

quote:

and when I told the truth, that I lied, I was accepted more than I thought I could be.

This part of what you wrote really jumped out at me. From what I am hearing so far, it seems that it is always better to come clean than to keep the lie a lie out of fear of how the other person will react. (at least in the case of Ts)

I'm totally freaking out that I haven't heard back from T2 yet about my email where I confessed. Trying hard to stay calm but I'm so activated right now. I'm certain she hates me, is going to terminate my therapy now, etc.

I can't call her; T2 doesn't do calls.

I'm really wishing I hadn't told her the truth. At least not today. Our session ended with me telling her how pissed I was at her last Friday. She had to drag it out of me and I ended up lashing out and called her fake. This was totally unrelated to my lie, but still...the two combined, I'm certain she's like, "Screw this chick. I'm done".

Ugh. I just want to curl up into a ball and disappear.

Honestly, LG, as a T...I'm sure she has had worse! Much, much worse! That's what I tell myself when I behave what I consider to be "ridiculously" to my T. In my T's case, he has run anger management and drug rehab programs in addition to specializing in male sexuality issues and lots of childhood trauma. So, I have to imagine dealing with angry drug and sex addicts has to be worse than some hiding, projecting, anger, etc. Right? I'm sure you are not your T's most challenging client ever and part of her job is to consider your welfare, so she wouldn't drop you just because you frustrated her, if she's any sort of T you want to be working with. She would have to think it was for your own good.

Thanks, Yaku. I hope you are right.

I guess my fear about her terminating with me is because she has said several times she would prefer for me to work with just one T and the fight we had today had to do with me working with two Ts and them communicating with one another, so it basically reinforced her concern about me working with two Ts.

Add to that my lying to her about something else...

I'm just worried I've pushed her over the edge.

It varies, but typically she replies quickly with a brief response.

LG... I just read this thread and hope you are doing okay while waiting to hear from T2. When is your next scheduled session with her?

I hate that fear of not knowing what they are thinking when you get no email response. My oldT was good at making me suffer for a response at times. There were times I thought I'd fall apart or freak out from the wait. It would turn out to be some stupid reason (like he forgot or didn't think I needed a response) for why I didn't hear back from him.

Hang in there and let us know what happens.

TN

JD,

Thank you again for replying. I appreciate it.

I haven't heard back from T2, but I did text T1 earlier and ask, "Hypothetical question: If u asked a direct question to a client and they gave u an answer that they later told you was a lie, would it make u distrustful of that client?"

She wrote back, "No neccessarily. It would depend on the circumstances. Why do you ask?"

So the fact that she didn't say no, she wouldn't be distrustful of the client in the future has me totally freaking out!!!

LG... please don't freak out at her answer. T's never give straight yes or no responses... especially in writing.

TN

Hope you are hanging in there LG- I think it was really brave that you told her. You did the right thing, because the therapy is about learning to be honest and vulnerable, and that is exactly what you did. So good job, in my book.

I hope she will appreciate your honesty!

hugs- you did a good thing. a really really good thing. hope you hear back soon...

BB

quote:

Originally posted by True North:
LG... please don't freak out at her answer. T's never give straight yes or no responses... especially in writing.

TN

Good point, TN.

quote:

Originally posted by blackbird:
Hope you are hanging in there LG- I think it was really brave that you told her. You did the right thing, because the therapy is about learning to be honest and vulnerable, and that is exactly what you did. So good job, in my book.

I hope she will appreciate your (new) honesty!

hugs- you did a good thing. a really really good thing. hope you hear back soon...

BB

Thanks, BB. I hope she will appreciate my honesty, and I am hoping that her lack of a reply is simply that she was busy today after I sent that email.

Still no response from T2 about this. I sent her another email just now and wrote, "Please say something. I'm scared to come to therapy tomorrow".

I'm having a full-blown anxiety attack over this.

It doesn't help that once I emailed T1 back last night and told her that I had lied to T2, I also have not heard back from her either.

Feeling totally abandoned right now. Where are your Ts when you need them the most???????? Running towards the hills.

deep breathes, LG. it will be ok. she is most likely just busy and hasn't checked her phone or something....it could be anything.

hugs,

BB

Thanks BB.

SHe wrote back immediately this morning and said, "Please don't be scared to come tomorrow. I am processing what you told me. I thought from your facial expression there was more to the story. We can talk tomorrow about what you need".

I'm not sure what she means when she says, "What you need". What the hell does that mean? Need in a therapist? Need from her? Need to do?

in the case of my own T "what you need" seems to mean "what I need to talk about with him." I find it confusing too. What I *need* is for him to love me and be a part of my life, not just someone I pay an hour a week to listen to me just talk about what I need- and cannot have. However- when I talk openly and honestly about what I need (and cannot have, often) it does help me and I experience some freedom/motivation to live. That's probably what she means. She wants to help you address and confront and ask for your needs- not necesarily meet all of them. But help you be aware of your needs.

I'm glad that you heard back and she sounds very compassioante in the message.

LG ~ that sounds like a really good response! She understands you are scared, says to come (i.e. she is not ditching you). She said she thought there was more, she doesn't sound mad at all. If my T said what you "what you need" it would probably reffering to what I need about my fear or the stuff I told her. Like what support I need, what I need from her. Not sure what your T means, but it doesn't sound bad - it sounds good.

I hope you have a really good session with her today.

Thanks, JD, Thanks Beebs.

JD, my session with her isn't until tomorrow, but I will let you know how it goes.

We have exchanged a few more emails and she said that she isn't upset with me for not telling in my session, that telling her after via email is sufficient. She is more concerned with the content of what I told her than the fact that I initially lied.

I'm glad you heard back and clearly T2 cares about you and what is best for you. She seems to appreciate that you made the effort to get to the truth, even if it was delayed. She's there for you. She's not leaving! (((((LG))))) I hope you can have some peace before your session.

Met with T2 today.

She was not at all upset that I lied to her on Tuesday. In fact, she said she really didn't even consider it a lie and that she thinks that she caught me off guard with the question she asked. She could tell from my facial expression that I was not being completely open with her about the truth when she asked the question.

She said she doesn't care that I didn't tell her the truth, but that she is more concerned with why I feel like i can't tell her things about my life. She said she wonders what other things I might not be telling her about.

I told her that I just feel vulnerable telling people everything about my life, that I feel like I need to keep some things private. THen she said, "Well you have a Facebook page don't you?" and I was like, "Well yeah, but that's different. its not like I am updating my status with things like,*Potentially triggering* "Just binged and purged". The things I talk about (or don't talk about) in therapy are totally different than Facebook. and then she said something really interesting. "Well you have a lot of personal information about yourself on your facebook page". What?! She facebooked me?! Yikes!

Luckily, this forum has taken over my Facebook posting for the most part and my profile is pretty private to friends and friends of friends. However, I do get paranoid now that T knows I post on a forum (and that H thinks I do it too much) that he might go looking for it. However, I really think he is much too busy to take time on that...right? Dr_, are you out there? Spying isn't nice!

quote:

Originally posted by janedoe:
I'm so glad she wasn't upset about lying. Maybe this could lead to a good conversation about how to share more and what you need and what helps... ? I dunno...

She looked you up on facebook? huh. how do you feel about that? I think it is cool she told you that she did.

The facebook comment is interesting. I put stuff on facebook that a little personal, but NOTHING at all like what I write even here, let alone the even more personal stuff I say in therapy. Plus, there is totally different kind of "risk" in therapy.

I didn't react or say anything when she made the comment about Facebook. I wish I had said something about it though, but in the moment I remember thinking I wanted to appear unaffected by it.

She can't see my wall, so all she can see is my bio, etc. Not sure why she would have looked me up on Facebook. I don't really care that she did, I'm more just curious why???