Hi Kansas,
It has to be really confusing. The rule for most, if not all, professional organizations for therapists is that two years should lapse between the end of therapy and starting another relationship and during that two years there should be no contact. There is an inherent power imbalance in the therapeutic relationship that is very difficult to move beyond (shown by your T's wish to totally control a "friendship" which by the very definition means both people should have some measure of control.)

So I'm not sure what is going on with your T, but I would want you to carefully consider whether you wish to pursue the relationship. The worst thing is that if things go awry now, it could undo any good or healing that came out of the therapy.

But as for reading my T's mind, yes, there have been times when I would have killed. But then I realized that there is a level of ambivalence about it because I only want to know his thoughts if they're good ones about me.

AG

Hi AG & Echoes,

AG, I found the following interview interesting and this is what Howard Smith MD(author and psychotherapist) had to say. Duel relationships (which is what I'm seeking)are confusing, but the amount of information on the subject is mind-boggling.

This is part of the interview about Dual relationships:

Question: What do the professional boards and codes of ethics say about dual relationships? Aren’t they pretty much forbidden?
Reply: I thought that, too. Then I went on the Internet and looked up the codes of ethics for ten major professional organizations. It turns out that there is no blanket prohibition in any of them. Instead, the codes are cautionary. They often discourage, though mildly, but don’t actually prohibit. They caution that dual relationships can sometimes impair judgment and objectivity, interfere with therapeutic functioning, and harm or exploit clients. I think these are reasonable concerns, and a relationship that will have these effects should be avoided or terminated.

This is entire article Can Your Therapist Be Your Friend... This article is just an insight and I do not base how I will totally view my friendship with x-therapist.

Echo, no you did not hurt me (I'm a tough old bird ) and I cannot tell you how much I appreciate your input. I do want to have a relationship outside of therapy (I'm no longer in therapy), but I want to do it right. I'm getting a sense of what x-therapist wants and now I'm infusing that with what I want. As AG said she wants control, but we talked last night via email about her taking her therapist "hat" off and how control is no loner an option. Part of my therapy was learning to say what I wanted ... well she receive a dose of what I wanted last night and she wanted to work with me to have a friendship with friendship boundaries. In reality this will be more difficult for her, she knows all about me . I'm just looking for a friend to laugh with and tease(she knows I'm a tease), she is just now learning I'm a big tease! I look for more bumps in the road, but I think there are bumps in all good friendships.

Again +++

kansas