I've told my T about this place. She had no strong reaction to it one way or the other. Then again, she seldom has a strong reaction to anything else, either

Yes. I don't think I could have not told her, because my participation here played such a powerful part in my finding her. Also, the support here is so helpful that it really was almost part of my therapy, that I couldn't help talking about it...parts of what I would read here in between sessions would just naturally come up in the conversation with her. In good ways, I mean. I really loved that she was supportive of it without being either threatened by it OR overly interested in it. She saw that it was helping me so she was cool with it.

Good luck, Quell! I hope your T is cool with it too!
SG

I told my T about it and how supportive it is and how much I learn...she encouraged using it as well as other things to use as a resource. I think as long as you keep it in perspective "I forget to do that sometimes" so it can be triggering also. I/She feels/thinks it is good to relate to many people with the same feelings/experiences and for me that is priceless.

I have told my T that i am part of an online support group, but would never tell her which one... She absolutely supports it and see this group as a very crucial part of my support system. So many times issues have come up on the forum and I take that to my sessions and we work through stuff together. my T tells me to use the group and other supports as much as i need to

Seems I'm in the minority here. My T doesn't know. I haven't wanted her to know I'm so obsessed with her I joined a forum just so I could talk about attachment in therapy.

Hi Quell,
I talk about the forum all the time with my T (especially since I have become the moderator, he's been a big help with a couple of issues that have arisen). I haven't told him the name, but at this point, he's read my blog, so he could find the place pretty easily. I know him well enough to know he probably wouldn't read (not enough time and he'd rather hear what I bring into session) but I also don't worry too much about it because there's really not too much I've said here that he hasn't heard directly from me.

He has always been very supportive of my being here, seeing it both as a source of support and information. One of the things I love about my T is that he is open to knowledge wherever it comes from, so whatever I did to learn was seen as a good thing by him.

AG

I mentioned (accidentally and doubtfully caught by my T) the name of this forum. I seriously doubt she caught the name and if she did that she would read here. I don't care either way as most of what I say here is said to her anyway. She is aware that I post and that I have some people that I've become close to through the forum. One in particular that I refer to often. She thinks it's a good thing from what she's said.

I told my current T about this forum almost from the very beginning of knowing him. I told him I belonged to an online support group but not the name. He is very supportive of this and thinks it's a great resource to have. He says that we learn from each other what good therapy looks like and we can help keep each other safe. I have discussed some triggers that come up here and it has been helpful. He also thought it was a positive thing in my recovery that I could also help others who were maybe having the same experience that I did in getting terminated.

I really like the fact that he is SO not threatened by my participation here.

TN

Same here TN. I love it that my T openly encourages it and lists the forum as one of my support systems. Sometimes I get triggered or issues come up - and I take it to her to talk about. It opens up communication and helps my therapy. My T is open and flexible.

I told T about it a month or so after I started posting last year. A few weeks later, I told him I didn't mind if he knew where it was (as he said it sounded interesting and positive--it was really helping me work through the whole transference/attachment stuff), but also knew that he would never have time to look, which he admitted. That was kind of a relief, lol. I wasn't worried about him reading what I wrote, because I share pretty much everything with him either in person or through journal. It just felt kind of weird to think of him seeing others' replies for some reason.

He did later (post-diagnosis) express some concerns about my expecting things to be a certain way and invalidating myself if I don't match up to it, but that turns out to have been...pretty accurate about me. I can tend to use that sort of thing to avoid dealing with the reality of my own experiences, so I think that feedback made me more self-aware. Plus, it felt good that he knew me well enough to spot that and was open and honest (but gentle and kind) about it.

I've talked about the forum a lot with T. I don't tell which one it is but I've talked about how the forum helps with things and the supportive people on here.

Incidently I feel bad for coming on here only when I need. I'm very bad at keeping relationships constant. I'm quite a selfish communicator. I'm working on that one a lot lately. It's difficult when I go into other modes. I am and have been so grateful for all your support!

((((QUELL)))

I too told my T about this forum. He didn't react one way or another. At one point, I brought in something he really liked and he asked where I got it. I told him and even offered to disguise my name so he could check it out but he declined. He told me it was my space. I really liked that he said that and don't worry anymore about him reading here.

It would have been hard for me NOT to tell him as it's been a big support for me in the last 1 1/2 years.

Good luck and let us know if you decide to tell your T and what he says.

Liese

+1 with Heidi/held

And, not only have I not told her about this forum, I haven't really even broached the subject of how much I know about psychoanalysis/psychotherapy in general. Talking about it feels like a big taboo.

effed

Effed, why are you so wary of telling your T that you have a good understanding of psychotherapy? Has she indicated in some way that it’s not ok, or are you afraid she’ll think you’re telling her how to do her job? Just curious, as I’ve done so much reading around the subject that I can’t help myself drop jargon into my sessions all the time (which my T actually never uses lol, I’m the one sounding pretentious and know-it-all.)



I’ve told all the Ts I’ve had since joining this forum about it, simply because the forum has been so important to me and came up a lot in my sessions – but I’ve been careful not to give too many details of its name etc. While I seriously doubt any T would spend their own time trawling through internet sites looking for it or info about me, I’m paranoid enough to think that they just might . Besides, if I were a T I would certainly be interested in getting a glimpse of my clients in a different setting, though I’d hope I was ethical enough to ask for permission first.

Lol part of me would like T to read what I say and to see me 'in action' in the world outside of therapy, but another part knows that if he did that I'd end up censoring what I wrote, which rather defeats the purpose of being here.

Current T knows a lot more about this forum than any previous ones, but I’m confident that he wouldn’t search for it without letting me know. In a way I wish more Ts WOULD read forums like this one, it would certainly enhance their education immeasurably .

LL

Effed and others - same here. I've thought about mentioning it, but it just hasn't felt right yet, I guess. Part of me worries that he WOULD read (and guess my user-name), but I'm pretty sure he's too busy. Still, maybe curiosity would drive him to do it. I'd like to believe he'd even BE curious, you know? But like someone else said here, he doesn't ever show emotion or reveal much, and I have no idea what he really thinks 95% of the time.

quote:

part of me would like T to read what I say and to see me 'in action' in the world outside of therapy, but another part knows that if he did that I'd end up censoring what I wrote, which rather defeats the purpose of being here.

Exactly. Maybe I'd be hurt if he wouldn't care enough to check it out; maybe I'd be afraid he would show (or I would just perceive) disapproval.... I don't know.
It's something I've been wondering about you all, so I'm really grateful this was brought up.

Starry

No, haven't told my T about the forum and have no plans to. Just don't see the need.

Thanks for weighing in, everyone.

It sounds like for most of the people who have talked about the forum, Ts reactions have been generally positive. That’s good to know.

As a couple of you mentioned, I don’t think I would get much of a reaction from my T, either. The only reaction I seem good at picking up from him is his discomfort, anyway. I predict he would shift in his chair a bit, ask me a question or two, which I would answer, and then he’d just look at me.

Actually, I think that he might be uncomfortable with it. The only thing that makes me uncomfortable with it is that sometimes I want to compare my T with the other Ts I read about, and he often does not come out favorably. I try to keep my perspective on that. Other than that, the help this forum has given me has been tremendous! I really appreciate being able to read and learn and share here. I’ve never done anything like this in my life before.

I think T might be uncomfortable with it because he doesn’t have control over what information I am taking in about therapy and I might get the wrong ideas about diagnoses or about what’s supposed to happen in therapy. I'd hate to tell him about it and then one day after I bring something up hear him say Where'd you get that idea, online? On the other hand, one of the things that is supposed to happen in therapy is that I can tell the truth about everything, and talk about anything, so I can talk about this, too.

I think I will talk to him about it at some point, especially since most of your Ts have reacted well. Plus, like I said, I like to have everything out in the open whenever possible.

Quell

quote:

The only thing that makes me uncomfortable with it is that sometimes I want to compare my T with the other Ts I read about, and he often does not come out favorably.

Hello Quell - we haven't met so this is my welcome to the forum to you!!

My T knows I visit here but in truth I was more skeptical than her about posting on a forum!! However I've learned much and been able to articulate better from that learning - like you, it's not something I've ever done before either!

However, what you've written above is a very valid concern! All Ts are different as are all clients so a therapist or therapy can certainly look different especially when one T's approach might look like what we want and/or need, but good Ts tailor their approach to the client's need and the effectiveness or otherwise is borne out in our progress!!!

I do understand how Ts might be concerned about clients trying to match themselves up with a diagnosis and what therapy 'should' look like - have seen some become very concerned in that regard - but it sounds like you're aware of this.

One day you might feel comfortable to talk with him about the forum but unless it's a problem for you to hold back from him, I wouldn't concern myself too much!!

Take care

quote:

one of the things that is supposed to happen in therapy is that I can tell the truth about everything, and talk about anything, so I can talk about this, too.

Quell, this is exactly what I think sometimes, too, before I talk myself out of it!

I spent YEARS being deceitful; that's not me anymore, so sometimes I overcompensate by being more open and honest that any given situation calls for. So I think I should be open and tell T about the support and helpful information I find here, but then I also think it's not necessary, he'll probably give me "xyz" cautions, and so on.

But I value the truth sooo much now, I imagine that soon I will tell him just for the peace of mind that the openness will give me.

Starry

I understand that totally. I would never lie to my T, so I have told her about the forum and she knows I post here and really appreciates the fact that I have a place to come where people understand my difficulties. She has said she is really pleased that I have so much support here. BUT I haven't told her the name of the forum, she has never asked.

For me it is not about being deceitful, T as taught me that anything is ok to tell her and that nothing can't be said, but she has also told me that I do not have to tell her everything, that I have the choice to keep some things private if I want. I don't know if that helps you or not

starfishy

quote:

Effed, why are you so wary of telling your T that you have a good understanding of psychotherapy? Has she indicated in some way that it’s not ok, or are you afraid she’ll think you’re telling her how to do her job? Just curious, as I’ve done so much reading around the subject that I can’t help myself drop jargon into my sessions all the time (which my T actually never uses lol, I’m the one sounding pretentious and know-it-all.)

Hi ((LL))

maybe I'm wary because I'm not entirely sure how good my understanding ACTUALLY is Looking like I'm over-reaching, I have to admit, is a concern. I have a sense that she'd rather I sit back, relax, and try to reflect on my own experience rather than obsess about procedural issues-- which I do plenty of, incidentally. Related to what you're saying, I started a thread a little while back
http://psychcafe.ca/eve/forums...1636001#637001636001


At the end of the day, we have plenty to discuss without getting into the forums or psychological methodology so it hasn't been a huge issue, although it does sometimes feel like I'm playing dumb or hiding a part of myself or something. I don't actually think she'd "forbid" the forums or anything like that (how could she?) I also worry slightly about her tracking me down on here although then I stop and think-- what I am so embarrassed about, she's supposed to know everything anyway ?!?!?

quote:

The only thing that makes me uncomfortable with it is that sometimes I want to compare my T with the other Ts I read about, and he often does not come out favorably.

Ditto! Sometimes this comparison hits me quite hard. T insists that there is no 'right' way to do therapy so I imagine her response would be something along those lines.

Sorry for the threadjack Quell, I am very curious to hear what develops with this discussion so I hope you'll update!

Threadjack away, anyone! I think all of this is interesting.

Effed, I understand a bit about the hesitancy with the psych talk. Part of that for me, which relates to my original question, is that I want to bring up the stuff I've learned here, and it sometimes bugs me that he doesn't teach me about the terms and theories. So then I wonder why he doesn't, when other Ts seem to do so, and then I just wonder and evaluate and hesitate and project and get all tangled up.

quote:

I have a sense that she'd rather I sit back, relax, and try to reflect on my own experience rather than obsess about procedural issues

Reminds me how my T has told me to not worry so much about what we talk about in session.

Starry, I often feel compelled to be totally honest and sometimes it is not necessary. I understand. Peace of mind is nice, though, huh?

quote:

she has also told me that I do not have to tell her everything, that I have the choice to keep some things private if I want

Starfishy, it does help to be reminded of that, too. T says that I get to drive the bus (although I often don't want to drive the damn bus)and I'm sure that he would tell me the same as yours.

Quell

I've thought about it, I actually almost blurted it out once in session but caught myself before I did. I think I like this to be one area of my life that's private. I don't know if T would check out the forum if I told her about it, but I like being able to talk freely about her and not bother my friends or family with it all the time. Besides, my username and picture give me away so easily so its not like I would be ale to "hide" if she found the forum anyway ha!

i have not told my T, either. i may tell him sometime in the future just to see what his reaction is.

effed, i totally understand your hesitancy about revealing your knowledge of psychotherapy. i think i am hesitant because i'm afraid he'd think i'm being a bit obsesive, which i'm sure i am. he's actually told me to just enjoy the process! HA! enjoy getting all freaked out, wound up, anxious prior to every session?!?!??

Quell, it bothers me, too, that my T doesn't ever teach me about terms and theories, the "process", if i'm doing this right, etc. and maybe that's why i research therapy ... just to get a better grip on what exactly it is, etc. i think it's my bad, though ... i should ask him about this stuff if i don't understand it or want to know more about it.

Before I told my T, I was struggling a lot with feeling I was dishonest. I continued to hide, for a while, my knowing much about psychology for similar reasons (I thought I would be "wrong" or that there was something that would be perceived as my challenging his authority). He is not like that at all and has told me several times that even without talking explicitly in psychological terms, he thought I had studied psychology before (even before I joined the forum) just from the way my journals were written. I had only studied basic attachment and development stuff in Early Childhood Education and it just so happens that's the way my brain seems to work.

Once I started telling him stuff I did know and getting his input and being slightly more OK with being wrong, that was kind of a relief. I did really feel as if I was hiding something from him. T has said I am compulsively honest, which makes my constant insistence that I am somehow unknowingly lying to him like for him. Now that trust is better than it was, I just want to tell him stuff. I don't feel like I "have to" and it doesn't feel quite as scary to tell him hard stuff either.

So, for me, sharing this sort of stuff with T ended up being really positive. I have found I don't get shamed or aggressively corrected, though he will give input, nor is he worried about outside information undermining his authority. His biggest concern is that information about my diagnosis, for example, seems to be fodder for self-invalidation that is disruptive and very painful. I think the support and information here has helped me in my (in session) communication with him so much that he's probably really grateful you all are here for me.

My T doesn't teach me too much in the way of terms and theories either, though they'll come up on occasion, usually just to help me understand and label the sort of dissociative experiences I'm having. I think I use more psych terms than he does, without even realizing it. A lot of these I've been using for years and I have no idea where the heck I picked them up.

Hi Everyone,

An update. I told my T about my experience on the forum, and about chatting with some forum users, too, and it ended up being a great conversation. It was actually a lot of fun to describe this to him and talk about some of the things I have learned here. He was interested and shared what he knows about the things I mentioned. I get the feeling that what I've come across here will be good material for future conversations, so thanks again to everyone for being here and sharing and supporting each other.

Probably my favorite part of the conversation was my response to his curiosity about the site. He was trying to ask what organization sponsors it or what kind of site it is or what's the name of it, and he was fumbling around a bit getting the question out, so I saw it coming. I was feeling pretty cheeky and in a good mood, so when he finished asking what the site is called I said it's called

Therapists, Don't Come Here, This Is Not For You!

And then went deadpan for about 3 seconds before I burst out laughing at him. He laughed, too, and said I knew you were going to think that I wanted to look it up, but I was just checking to see that it's not called I Hate My Therapist.com or something. That was fun. I explained that it's not like that at all.

By the way, I was just having fun with him. I mean no offense to any therapists who read or share here. I think it's cool if therapists come here, even mine. I told him that I had thought about whether I'm OK with the possibility that someday someone could see what I write and know it is me. I am OK with it, so that's not an issue with me, but I understand that one of the great things here is ideally that we can say whatever we want to safely and anonymously.

Also, I told him that when I first started reading here, my first thought was OMG, I'm not the only one...I'm not alone! Then a bit later I thought some of the things I read about were a little weird. I gave him some examples, and he said that he didn't think any of it was weird at all. Not in the least! That was good to hear, especially since I don't think it's weird anymore either. I have learned so much.

A lot of good came out of that conversation for me. One reason is that it was good timing for where he and I are at right now.

Quell

(((((QUELL))))))

What a great conversation. Thanks for sharing.

Liese

Quell, I use the stuff brought up on the forum mostly every week. It helps me talk about subjects that I would never dream about talking about or having the guts. Sometimes I will say - someone this week said xxxx - but I am not sure what I think about that - and T and I will discuss. Or something will be here that is exactly what I am going through and I didn't realise it!

I would never want my T here at all - as I have revealed a lot. I would be in mad delete mode if I knew that. She has never asked. Whenever I have shown her an article or copy and paste I have done - I always go to great lengths to remove anything identifying names or similar.

she encourages me all the time to keep reaching out to the group and using it to keep me safe between sessions.

SD