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So I took my daughter to see her therapist yesterday. My daughter is only 4 and has already had two different therapists in the last year. The first one we didnt really like and she made problems worse for us and our daughter. CPS helped us find a new one which we all love. MY daughter has been seeing her for 6 months and is just now starting to open up and really trust her. I have become attached to her also because lately our weekly appointments have been an hour and a half so that the therapist could spend 45 minutes with me and 45 minutes with my daughter. I had really started opening up this lady also.

She told us yesterday at our session that she is quitting her job. She is leaving to stay home with her son who is less than two years old. My daughter didnt seemed bothered by it at first when the therapist told her, she said she was okay with seeing the new lady. But after we got home you could tell she was having a hard time and acting different.

But it has been very hard for me. I am not even really sure why. I thought I would be bothered this much if my P stopped seeing me since I am dealing with transference towards him, but not if just any other therapist did this. I dont know if it triggered the fact that this could happen anytime with any therapist or P. Or if it was because it was something we werent expecting. I dont know but it has made me want to cut and I am going crazy with this. We only have three more sessions with her before she will be gone. This is really hard to deal with and I really want to talk to my P about this but dont even know how to explain how I am feeling or why.
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I had a psychiatrist that terrified me, and I still had a terrible time when he terminated with me. I think you are right, it can certainly trigger thoughts of loosing your primary T, I know it did with me.

The idea of saying goodbye, to a person, to a process, that can also be hard. Again, even if it's to something you don't like particularly, it can be hard. It sounds like you do like this therapist and the good things that come from her for you and your daughter.

Hang in there. Give the words time to surface.
Hi Pippi... I'm so sorry you are suffering with this. In my opinion you could be dealing with feelings of abandonment by this T and that could be triggering things from your past. Of course, I don't know anything about your past or why you are in therapy but it may be worth looking at with your P. And yes, you could also be feeling "OMG, what if my P does this too?" That is a perfectly normal reaction. All of this is very valid to either bring up with your P and/or this T. Another thought would be that you developed an unknowing attachment to your daughter's T and are now feeling scared at trying to deal with this without her being there for both of you. Losing an attachment figure is not easy to deal with. My young son was seeing a T that I started feeling very attached to and I ended up seeing him on my own for individual therapy and have a very strong attachment/transference for him.

You are evidently in considerable pain if you are thinking about cutting. Please don't... call your P or the T and talk to them and come here to vent as well. And know that you are strong enough to get through this.

TN

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