((R2G)) I'm so glad you reached out even though you are feeling so 'inside'. Did you have a pretty solid routine before this change back to school? For me when things change up I have a really hard time because I have to shift my energy. I work from home typically and when I go in to the office I leave... exhausted. Is there a way to bring a bit of the cuddly comfort of home with you to school? A picture of your doggie? A smell in the classroom that smells close to home (not exactly home though - that can mess with your brain then you'll get insomnia! Well, that's what would happen to me anyway).

For 2 years I cried almost every day on the way to work. Just out of the sheer unhappiness of going, even though I did/do like my job (most of the time). For me it was not having a CHOICE - any social thing I have to do where I feel it is obligatory it drains me instantly. This is lame but... if you want an idea what my T has me visualize is getting sort of energy from the 'universe' (God, love, whatever bigger thing is out there for you) I visualize that coming in through me and then out to them. This helps my body feel like I'm giving the situation/person energy but not giving them MY reserves. And/or I imagine a bubble around me (a boundary) and in that boundary my T has had me visualize relaxing, energizing, gentle things... that my space is MY space and it's okay to have it (working on the 'okay' there). I can visualize people/situations outside of my space so while I'm dealing with them my energy is less drained.

The more my energy is drained in a situation (and that doesn't mean anything BAD, it's how you feel) the less I can handle doing it. It might also be depression, or.. change in the seasons (if it's raining I don't want to do anything). Remembering to take deep breaths on purpose works too... sometimse when I'm doing something I dislike I breathe shallow and I have to remember to breathe on purpose.

Anyway... sorry if that's wayyy too much. I do very much sympathize with you... I have to drag myself out of the house on my T's advice sometimes because holing up I get really dysregulated (eventually suicidal feelings) so I have to get coffee or... be in the vicinity of humans.

Thanks ((Cat))
I will respond more later, as I'm currently stuck on the couch in my jammies with the pup, and supposed to be at work in 15 minutes. This bites @$$.

As a lifelong hater of mornings, I know this feeling!! One tiny thing that helps me get there is... tea. I keep a bunch of fancy flavours that I like in my desk, and I don't let myself have tea before I go. I gotta get there to get the caffeine and the deliciousness. FWIW.

I am also a lifelong hater of mornings and find it very difficult when I have a lot of things going on to make myself leave the comfort and security of my bed. Embarrassingly, it took me until midday today to get myself to the point of sitting down to do college work (I took the day off specially - argh!)

I read a very interesting article about the science behind early risers and night owls and it made me feel so much better about it all. There were lots of messages in my family about people who find it hard to get motivated, are late etc are lazy good-for-nothings. Bleh.

Room2Grow, is there any possibility you could be depressed? I know that my red flags tend to be motivational and not necessarily always mood-related. Ah, I see you already mentioned depression. Sorry I didn't catch that in my first read!

I often find change does a number on my head and I find it difficult to adjust and it affects a lot of things including motivation, self-confidence etc. I think Catalyst makes a good point about routine too - and reward.

How do you get to work? When I commuted to an office about 40 mins away, I would often listen to a section of audio book by plugging my ipod into the car stereo. I was quite disciplined and tried not to ever listen to that book except on the journey. So if I wanted to know what happened, I had to get my a** into the car! I tried to treat that time as special time for me.

Is there anything you could do for yourself, like packing nice food to have at lunch to look forward to?

I do empathise with the feeling, especially that 'trapped on the treadmill' feeling of having no choice.

Thanks ((Jones)) and ((Mallard))

It has been a really long and frustrating day, things at school are getting really complicated (politics and education are like oil and water) and I'm physically and emotionally depleted.

Saw T today and we talked about my physical health which is suffering, and my mental health, which is holding up surprisingly well considering my physical health. Realized that the morning challenge is likely very connected to the exhaustion (no amount of sleep is enough) for which I have bloodwork scheduled to see what is going on there. Depression. Yes. That is me. The thing that is concerning me is this not-wanting-to-leave behavior usually kicks in late fall/early winter when it's dark in the morning and the weather is changing to cold. It's never, every hit me this early in the school year. I mean, it's only the second week of school with kids?! Seriously?!

Cat - the idea of not having choices, and how much that drains you? So get that. I am the worst person when it comes to making plans - I commit to them, then am so anxious about them and have to drag myself to them, even though I'll likely enjoy myself once I'm there.

I do need to bring some of my dog to school with me - pictures on my desk or something. I have a DBT self-soothe travel kit that I made with some soft snuggly fabric and some yummy treats, as well as Ts picture, which is a help (and I actually used today) some times.

The biggest challenge is that at school, there is no "me" time or "me" space. I'm surrounded by kids all but 45-60 minutes a day, and that time is packed with meetings, grading papers, planning, copying, etc, which means I'm then surrounded with colleagues. Being a teacher gives you literally NO time by yourself for 8 hours straight.

I like the idea of having a treat waiting for me at school Jones, one that I don't have elsewhere. I'll have to think on that one, because most of the things I can eat are no longer allowed at school due to severe allergies.

Mallard, yes, I have been blessed with major depression (among other things) and I thought things were under control. Here's the funny thing - my daily commute is 5 miles round trip. It's not even about the dog anymore, I can handle leaving him.... I just can't handle being "in demand" all day long right now. At least not without a nap....

At least this weekend I don't have to be anywhere till 1:30 each day.....

Have you had your iron/ferritin levels checked lately? Recently I have struggled with very low blood iron and I have to say that what you describe here is some of what I went through.

Turtle you were so spot on! Labs came back and my ferritin and hemoglobin are really low causing me to be experiencing major anemia right now.

At least its my physical body this time, and not my mental state that is trying to keep me home bound and sleeping....

I think that's the worst thing about depression - not being able to distinguish it from the physical sometimes.

I had ME for ages before I figured it out. Thought I was either terminally lazy or depressed.

Can this be turned around? Do they just give you whacking great doses of iron? I do hope you can get some relief soon.

Hi R2G, Yeah as I read your post I was like "that so sounds like low iron" Did you get the burning tongue, constant sighing or yawning, falling asleep easily no matter what is going on? etc??

One thing you may want to check out is if your body is able to absorb iron taken orally. The best thing I ever did was get a series of iron infusions. I got five of them over five weeks and I am telling you I am a totally new person!! It helped me in ways I didn't even think it would. The list is long on how much it helped me. It even helped with insomnia. I could only sleep 4 hours at a time and now I sleep a full 8. I have restless leg syndrome and I was getting it constantly until the infusions and then I get them maybe once a day now. I feel like life is worth living again. Prior to the infusions life was horrible. I felt like I was 90 years old constantly. Just so warn out. People would criticize me for not doing more. I criticized myself as well. I thought I was lazy etc. That just wasn't the case. I am doing so much better now. I am hoping it keeps up. I am taking an iron supplement now and hoping it keeps the levels up.