Hi Patrick, and welcome to the forums! I've never worked with a therapist who does somatic experiencing but I know that Shrinklady discusses the subject alot on the site. If you haven't read here other than the forum, I would highly recommend it, Shrinklady explains a lot of concepts in an extremely clear accessible manner.

Trouble with boundaries however I get! I've been working on them for over 20 years. Boundaries are one of those things we're supposed to learn when we're very young. So young that we learn them implicitly and aren't really conscious of how we know. Kind of like walking or picking up an object. At one time you didn't know how to do those things, but now you don't even have to think about it.

So when you have to learn boundaries later in life, you learn alot through experience. Working on staying present as much as you can, and paying attention to how you're feeling can teach you alot. We really only learn about ourselves in relationship and as you pay attention, you will learn where your boundaries are. But be patient with yourself, it can be a tough thing to learn and takes time.

There was a really good book I read when I was first learning about boundaries which really helped me, I've posted a link below. It is written from a spiritual perspective, the authors are Christian, but they offer sound reasoning for their principles as well as their foundational beliefs for them. I think you might find it useful.

Boundaries: When to Say Yes When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

AG

Hi Patrick!

I know nothing about somatic therapy but I just wanted to welcome you. Thanks for posting.

Hey, Patrick! Welcome!

What you're talking about sounds fascinating, and like something that I'd be really into trying but Know Nothing About. I know that's not helpful, but I enjoyed and learned even from the small bit you've written.

Thanks for posting - I don't have advice, but I'd love to learn.

Hi Patrick! I'm new too and I'm so glad to be here as well!

I don't have any knowledge of somatic experiencing either but now I have something else to google and learn about!

I understand your anxious feelings about meeting new people. I still have those feelings and haven't learned how to deal with them. I'm not sure I know how to act when I meet new people, and I've been told by that when people first met me they thought I was arrogant, when in fact it's the exact opposite for me. So it's something I struggle with too.

Can you tell us a little bit more about somatic experiencing?

Thank you all for your responses. I greatly appreciate your advice and welcomes!

Somatic experiencing is hard to describe but I'll try to explain.

It utilizes the felt sense of the body because the body never lies and the body is always in the present. The mind is not in the present (The nervous system doesn't know the difference between present thoughts and thoughts you make up... your imagination).

The reptilian brain is a major component of Somatic Experiencing. This part of our brain is the center of the fight or flight energies.
We also have a "freeze" response; so now we have three: fight, flight, freeze. Unresolved trauma and other events leave our bodies with frozen pockets of energy and the way we behave is based on this.

When we have an unbalanced nervous system, we can very easily become ungrounded and we start thinking too much rather than FEELING the BODY! We need to learn to FEEL sensations and just observe them objectively... don't attempt to try to attach events to them (very difficult ). Notice what you feel after the sensations and what thoughts pop up and notice objectively.

It's complicated and I know I didn't write in a very concise or perhaps cohesive manner but somatic experiencing is difficult to describe unless you experience it for yourself.

I wish it were easier to explain! But with one thing brought up comes another attached - meaning it gets deeper and deeper in it's definition and so that's part of the difficulty

I love it though. It has done wonders for me. I realize I have resources to ground myself and I know how to ground myself. I also know that the present moment is what matters and the future comes LATER.

I can spend too much time worrying - worrying is often so useless, it doesn't solve anything - it just makes you feel worse!

I was talking to my somatic practitioner again about boundaries and basically if I stay in the present I don't worry and also boundaries will come naturally as long as I remember the present moment.

This is so true!

Thanks again!

~Patrick

We just started university again also (after being home with kids for 14 years!) One thing that helps in feeling grounded is to take a break: go for a walk alone at lunch time, find a quiet coffee shop if it's too cold/wet to walk, taking time off of homework/schoolwork, being organized regarding assignments. Spending time in a hobby also helps balance things.

Antoni