Hello Forever Grateful
Wow thiat is quite an age gap and maybe that's what's got yout thinking. My T is younger than me but only by 7 years so I guess the gap is not so far removed. She did tell me that she was younger than me straightaway at our first meeting and asked if that was a problem which for me it wasn't. In so many ways though she is 'older' than me because of what she shared in how she became a pyschotherapist. Could you mention to t that you are finding it difficult to talk because of the difference ? If not perhaps it might just take some time untill you feel comfortable with t before you share more. T and I have been working on building our relationship first before anything else, so now I feel a bit more comfy with her and have started to share more of my early experiences even though she's younger (I totally forget that really now with her), give it some time
Take care in the meantime

My T is about 30 years older than I am (I'm in my 20s, she's in her 50s). I tend to think of her as a sort of wise and nurturing maternal figure, which I like being able to do even though I know it's just a fantasy. It's really hard to imagine relating in the same way to a therapist who was closer to my age or younger, but I suppose each therapeutic relationship is unique and has it's own pros and cons.

One big difference besides our ages, though, is the fact that we come from very different cultural and religious backgrounds. I can tell she's trying to make sense of my own upbringing and piece it together in her head-- sometimes the questions she asks make me smile, though, because they show just how foreign to her a lot of my experiences are.

I suppose this could be a problem, but it hasn't worked out that way because having to carefully work out and articulate answers to her questions makes me look at things in a new light, considering how it all might seem to her.

Anyway. I don't if this all makes any sense or is helpful. It's still kind of early and I just woke up. But anyway, good luck with your T and let us know how it all works out!

I have had recent experience of this. YoungT is in her 30's and I am about 12 years older than her. She is single, no kids and born in another country - I am married, kids. There were times when I didnt talk about things because i felt she didn't have the empathy to understand my situation so this did affect therapy. On the actual therapy side of things - she was awesome.

For those that don't know, she terminated me as we had a mutual friend and a conflict of interest. I moved to another T, one that I had seen 10 years previously. This T is my age, married the same amount of time, has kids similar ages - and gets the marriage bit, gets the kids bit and all the stresses that go with that. I feel a little bit more understanding and empathy from her.

I think i would find it hard if T had different religious affiliations or from a different culture.

I think the question is to ask whether despite all the differences - can you still talk to your T in a neutral therapeutic environment or do those differences cause you to hold back in therapy.

IF you like her and otherwise click, I would try not to worry about it unless her experience is lacking or it appears to become a problem. Having said that, I specifically sought ts who were older than I am (which at middle aged becomes more challenging with each passing year and new worries like they could die on you)

quote:

I think i would find it hard if T had different religious affiliations or from a different culture.

I've found it's been kind of helpful, to talk to someone who is not only outside of the context of my ordinary life, but very dissimilar to most of the people I've known well up till now.

However, I should clarify that I grew up in something of a cult, so that probably influences my desire for a T who is "different." She pointed out our differences and the potential for conflict at our first session, but I insisted I wanted her anyway. So far it's been a good fit.

Anyway, I didn't mean to derail this thread, just thought my statement from before needed a little explaining.