Has anyone else read this book? I think it is really remarkable, with so many ideas and concepts that seem obvious in hindsight.

The book describes 5 (IIRC) survival styles but mainly focuses on the Connection survival style which is the most 'deep-seated' and primal, being established in response to developmental trauma experienced very early in life. The majority of it matches my experiences so well, which I've never found in my readings and exploration.

Hi all, thank you True North for bringing up this book. The title sounded really relevant to me so I bought and read the book. I found the book extremely helpful because it was self revealing - I could see myself written in the pages and came to understand a lot of things about me which are the result of developmental trauma - there were a lot more than I realised and impossible for me to see because I have lived with them all my life, and in a conscious sense was able to see that my struggles are real. As a part of this I was able to see how I have developed ways of coping  so that I seem normal - always I have been driven to seem OK. I really appreciated the talk of not feeling real - feeling fake, dishonest, etc are one of my crippling problems. I wouldn't say this is a self help book as there was not anything I thought I could do for myself. 

Another thing I found helpful about the book was that it talked about deregulation of the emotions and how you can't really make any impact on that while the body is deregulated. This made me realise how disconnected from my body I am - I don't have feelings I have just learnt when one feels certain things, unyet I can be an emotional mess at the slightest difficulty, which I thought meant that I had too many feelings! Hence this has told me that I have to start with getting in touch with my body first - which I think is what the NARM is about.

On a slight negative, the book sometimes took a while to get to the point which, because I was very absorbed in it, I found a little frustrating. Also, after describing the 5 survival styles the authors only talked about the one, and didn't explain why.

Sorry, I'm not very good at writing and other people's description of this book are clearer than mine, but again would like to thank the forum for bringing this book to my attention, and I found it helpful!

Wondering if anyone found any of this book triggering? I am struggling with it- it's upsetting me to read about myself so accurately I think. 

Yes Liffey,

I found it triggering, but also compelling as it did describe things about me, right down to not being able to make eye contact with people. I needed to see this as I don't believe myself about the developmental trauma most of the time. So yes it was triggering seeing myself in its pages but this was also the most useful thing in the book, too, if that makes sense.

I can definitely understand how it could be triggering. For me, it was actually relieving to read about the Connection survival style and recognize myself in it, because it gave me a sense of recognition, order, and understanding.