Hi everyone,

I've been hanging out at this new site - LiveStrong.com - and came across this really good article and thought about those here who ask about attachment.

This is probably the best article i've came across that explains psychoanalytical concepts in detail without the jargon and labels.

It also might help give some an idea as to why psychoanalytical/dynamic therapy is so painful. In that type of intense relational psychotherapy, the therapist maintains psychological boundaries (neutrality/
'detachment') in the relationship to help develop or strengthen yours-which leads to the development of a healthy sense of self. This is one of the primary goals of analytic therapy.

Imo, much of the discomfort and intense affect happens when the therapist doesn't 'play into' the stuff described here (for lack of a better term). When the therapist is neutral/detached, the patient cannot relate to the other as she is accustomed to (much could be unconscious) and has to find a new sense of self. In doing so, you feel emotions you've never felt before, and have to learn how to manage them.

The patient's therapist must be her guide, but it comes down to what the patient decides to do. The therapist can't do it for the patient, but must offer empathetic support and have attunement to help the patient gain the insights needed to make the changes and progress.

The word 'detached' might throw you off, but imo, it means a healthy attachment that would result from a healthy sense of self.

What is detachment?
Detachment is the:
* Ability to allow people, places or things the freedom to be themselves.
* Holding back from the need to rescue, save or fix another person from being sick, dysfunctional or irrational.
* Giving another person "the space" to be herself.
* Disengaging from an over-enmeshed or dependent relationship with people.
* Willingness to accept that you cannot change or control a person, place or thing.
* Developing and maintaining of a safe, emotional distance from someone whom you have previously given a lot of power to affect your emotional outlook on life.
* Establishing of emotional boundaries between you and those people you have become overly enmeshed or dependent with in order that all of you might be able to develop your own sense of autonomy and independence.
* Process by which you are free to feel your own feelings when you see another person falter and fail and not be led by guilt to feel responsible for their failure or faltering.
* Ability to maintain an emotional bond of love, concern and caring without the negative results of rescuing, enabling, fixing or controlling.
* Placing of all things in life into a healthy, rational perspective and recognizing that there is a need to back away from the uncontrollable and unchangeable realities of life.
* Ability to exercise emotional self-protection and prevention so as not to experience greater emotional devastation from having hung on beyond a reasonable and rational point.
* Ability to let people you love and care for accept personal responsibility for their own actions and to practice tough love and not give in when they come to you to bail them out when their actions lead to failure or trouble for them.
* Ability to allow people to be who they "really are" rather than who you "want them to be."
* Ability to avoid being hurt, abused, taken advantage of by people who in the past have been overly dependent or enmeshed with you.


Read more:

Developing Detachment