this is what little cat had to do to survive.
the critical parent and the detatched protector - they're working together to protect you from the pain of your vulnerable little one. They say that pain is not bearable or survivable. I promise you those parts are LYING. They just want to keep you miserable and isolated. There is no hope in those parts. There is life in feeling your pain and grieving.

If you're shutdown maybe take some time just being in your body, following sensations or your breathing and seeing what comes up.

Hugs xxx

aw that was beautiful draggers

Cat... you most certainly have a heart. It is very evident in the caring responses you provide to others in need.

Why don't you just stop worrying about "wasting" the hour in therapy. No time in therapy is truly a waste. Just go and sit with T and "be". It's the anxiety that is keeping you from feeling the connection to her. It's the scared child part that is giving you so much anxiety and she is driving the bus right now. Why don't you ask her to take a break and let adult Cat who is so smart and capable to take a turn driving for awhile. Hopefully, you will get your feet back under you and then you can continue to work in therapy. Right now you just need to take one hour at a time and remember that you have a lot of people here who care about you and want you to be okay.

Hugs
TN

(((Cat))) I'm so sorry you're feeling that way. When I feel that way, especially about therapy, when I fight so hard to practice relating and being safe at the same time, I get really hopeless. I had some moments like that on Monday night. Something that really helps me when I talk to T about those things is him describing how he feels about the connection...that is, how he feels connected to me. It makes it feel safer somehow to allow the possibility of being connected, even if I'm not there at that particular moment.

And, you are connectable. Anyone who has been on the receiving end of your support here knows that, including me!

((((cat)))) you are most DEFINITELY connectible. you don't have to worry about that

GE, Draggers, TN, Noners, CD - thank you so much. Your words helped.

I don't know what to do right now. There is a plug where my heart should be. I feel I'm walking in a waking dream all day long. Thank you for all the reminders that I will get through this

T tried... so hard today. She asked me to look at her, she said it would be connecting. I didn't want her looking back at me... that she'd see I have nothing in there. But I did, and she was teary and so I didn't anymore. She held my hands, and sat with me. I left feeling safe, contained... connected in a way. Right now I feel lost again.

I tried to explain to my protector part to at least breathe in and accept the connection I so desperately needed and give it to whoever he's protecting it from whenever it's possible.