Hi Sharm,
Welcome to the forums, I'm glad you've decided to introduce yourself.

I can really relate to so much of what you're saying. I have been dealing with my childhood abuse and those walls we build around it can be very high and strong. They have to be, since knowing what we shut away would have destroyed us at the time. So those walls served an important purpose. But we don't need them anymore. Which doesn't mean pulling them down is easy. I first went to therapy to deal with things I remembered about my family, that my dad was a violent alchoholic, although I had no memories of actually being hit by him, just threatened. It wasn't until I had left and come back (working with my first therapist) that I uncovered memories of the sexual abuse (the occurrance of which has been confirmed, although not definitively through a couple of sources). In many ways, in the years since then I've used therapy to allow me to lead my life. Working with my present therapist (my first one retired) has allowed me to dig down very deep, pull down so many of those walls and allow me to live in a much healtnier way.

I am so glad you found the courage to talk to your P about the abuse. Finding the strength to speak of what happened in so much of the battle. And that fact that you've found a therapist you're comfortable with will really help you to heal. You should be proud of yourself that you have managed to stay the course through so many years and so much pain yet still strive towards life and healing.

I hope you find this a welcoming place to discuss what you've been through and what you're going through. I'm looking forward to getting to know you.

AG

PS As for babbling on, look for a few of my posts, you'll feel MUCH better about the length of yours.

Welcome, Sharm! Thank you for introducing yourself. You've had enormous challenges to deal with that just surviving them is amazing in and of itself. I hope the relationship with your new therapist brings you some peace and healing, and I hope that you find lots of comfort and support here.

SG

quote:

Originally posted by strummergirl:
Welcome, Sharm! Thank you for introducing yourself. You've had enormous challenges to deal with that just surviving them is amazing in and of itself. I hope the relationship with your new therapist brings you some peace and healing, and I hope that you find lots of comfort and support here.

SG

Hi Sharm and welcome.

I think SG put it really well so I have her quote above. Your stength and courage to get this far, to hang on at all is inspirational and helps me focus my mind a bit on things. I'm very sorry about your son and all of the heartbreak that you have endured. I wish you all the best and hope that you continue to make progress with your T.

Mrs. P

Hi AG,
TYVM for your kind response and welcome! I am sorry for the problems in the past that you had to deal with of your childhood abuse. It is never easy to cope with. I did recall the beatings, verbal abuse, but I put the sexual, incest, mental and emotional abuses behind my walls. They were secure there until our sons death , then it was like the walls crumbled on their own, just spilling out with everything else that was going on. The loss, pain & grief of his death soon amplified to anger and rage. All of the other symptoms of migraines, Depression, panic/anxiety, agoraphobia, claustrophobia, became even more pronounced. The anger and especially the rage terrified me as I was capable of hurting others. The slightest things would set it off. (Even road rage). So, I essentially locked myself away in our home so as to not set off the above mentioned symptoms. The only time I would go out then and even now is to go to Dr., Dentist or P or T. or to my Daughters home. After the walls burst open, I started having nightmares, flashbacks, and memories flooding into my conscience thoughts of all the other things from my childhood, pre-teens an teens .

As to you're post, I have always enjoyed reading them. I find them insightful, and informative and very helpful.

You are very gifted in writing with a great insight, understanding & a beautiful way of explaining on the issues dealing with therapy!

Hi HB,
TYVM for your kind thoughts about our son and your welcome here! I would not wish for any parent to go through the loss of a child. It is not supposed to be that way. We are supposed to go first, not them . Yes, the loss is unbearable! It still seems as if it was yesterday.

I was very fortunate to find my T, at the 1st meeting with her I felt ill at ease with her, due to her age. She is 30, I wasn't sure I would be able to connect with her. I had so many questions for her in regard to therapy, education & her preference to type of methods used. She uses Eclectic and Client-centered, so I decided to give her a chance. The next 2 visits I had more questions for her but she was totally open and responsive to all that I asked (staying within boundaries).
She is an amazing young woman. I felt that she and I was attuned and I felt closer and more comfortable (which is highly unusal for me) in her presence. She told me 1 day that I was the 1st client that had ever asked so many questions of her, and that it had really kept her on her toes . She stated that she didn't mind it at all but found it refreshing to discuss and answer anything I wished to know (within boundaries). It was after the first 3 sessions that I decided that I was going to stay with her for therapy.

Her main passion is working with children (couldn't help but notice all the toys in her office, so I asked) but she has many adult clients with abuse in their past as well. Normally I usually keep people at a distance and not allow myself to get to close or to trust. I found myself one day in session and while talking about a difficult issue I suddenly realized that I felt I could trust her and it felt ok to talk about anything with her . I still have more questions for her at each or every other session, but when I tell her that, she just smiles and says ok, I will do my best to answer them for you .

BTW, I have enjoyed reading you're comments and responses as well.

Both you and AG are gifted, knowlegable, as well as caring & kind!

Hi SG,
TY for welcoming me to the forums! These forums seem to have an amazing group of people that help and support each other! That is a rare & special occurence now days.

It is my greatest hope that she (T) will be able to help me find some peace & healing!

Hi Mrs. P,
TYVM for your welcome here and for your kind words! I sincerly believe that all who frequent these forums all have strength and courage & that everyone's stories are an inspiration to all concerned!

Ty so much for you're condolences!