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7 replies

Help me understand something re: substance abuse

jen12jen12Member
I've mentioned earlier that my therapist does a lot of addiction counseling and recently relapsed. I don't see him for addiction work -- rather I see him for trauma work with no dual diagnosis. Not that I don't have addictive tendencies, but I've not had a substance abuse problem so far -- at least a long term one. (It could happen. I recognize that it's almost dumb luck that I'm not currently addicted.)

So the question ...

Many in the local addiction community (patients and counselors) are shocked, angry, and feel betrayed that this man who has been sober for nearly two decades and has helped so many -- that he has relapsed.

I'm not sure if I understand WHY they feel this way. Is there more to it than just being reminded of their own ability to relapse? That they are afraid that if he can relapse then anyone can? I understand that perspective. But I'm fairly sure I'm missing something important.

I am sad and a little hurt and a little angry -- but not because of the relapse itself -- more because I've list my therapist (for now anyway). That, and I am of course concerned for his mental and physical health while recognizing its not my job to take care if him.

But I keep thinking, " We'll, of course a relapse is always possible. It's not surprising that this could happen."

I don't mean that I can understand and accept it so why can't others? I realize that others' reactions are legitimate even though I don't share them all. I want to understand why they feel thus way though. Because I don't feel like I really "get it."

Do you guys have any insights?
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catalystcatalystMember
I think having your own perspective is okay, Jen. It makes sense for anyone to feel how they do, but that doesn't mean we can relate or even get it. I know many times I find myself just unable to understand some stuff because my brain is just.. not made the same as theirs.

I admit if my ED therapist relapsed on an ED it would be a little weird but... I mean all of us can give great advice and help that we don't give ourselves. Understanding so well is probably helpful in the therapy he does but he can still deal badly with stress as you're understanding. A lot of Ts, I've read, suffer from their own problems quite a bit. Many go in the healing field because they have been hurt too.

And... Sometimes anger is what we use to hide our other feelings. We may not have to face ourselves that way.

I'm not sure if I helped, but I am very sorry you've lost your T right now Frowner

jen12jen12Member
Thanks catalyst. That does help a bit. I can especially relate to the part about if your ED T relapsed -- I have an ED too -- I guess you could call that my addiction, although it is subsiding.

I'm okay with having different feelings than others. That doesn't concern me. I'm just trying to understand why others feel the way they do. I'm trying to get in their heads a bit. Because I accept how they feel and I agree that it's very valid, I just don't understand. I guess I'm trying to cultivate empathy for them rather than just sympathy. You know?
turtlesturtlesMember
My first thought was how do you know he relapsed? I mean to me a therapist's problems are usually not brought into the therapy sessions. Is it public knowledge that he did this? I only ask that because you say others are angry at him for relapsing... I may not understand how your relationship with him works. I don't know anything about my therapist except for what she tells me about herself.
jen12jen12Member
Jones -- I understand the selling snake oil. My experience with my first T was a bit like buying snake oil -- only he didn't realize it was snake oil he was selling. I don't feel that way about this T though. He has given me many, many reasons to trust him and have confidence in him. This is honestly the first time he has really "screwed up." And I know that he knows it. I think that's one reason why he is getting help right now.

turtles -- Both my interim therapist and my psychiatrist have inquired in their professional circles and have heard the same about a relapse. They each say that they heard it second or third hand -- they are careful to say they did NOT hear it from him directly. So it's possible that his departure has nothing to do with seeking treatment for a relapse. I guess I will find out eventually, and knowing him and his character he will want to talk to me about it directly. But for now he is completely out of contact and has left messages on his voicemail that he is out of the office until X date. (I think that date will change, but again, I don't know)
aboutaboutMember
Yes, I'd understand it the same way as Jones: I would feel betrayed, because he was supposed to help me fight the addiction, and, if even he can't do it, then how could I? I would feel that he had led me to believe it was possible, believing him, while in fact, he was just going to destroy this hope by relapsing.

Which does not prevent me from understanding how it is possible to trust him, it would just also make sense to be angry/feel betrayed.
jen12jen12Member
Thank you guys for your responses.

I called his answering service on the advice of a friend and the message now is that he won't be back at all. So glad I called to hear that message. [/sarcasm] So glad I had an inside tip that there might be new information to be had via a generic message.

This is T2. Did I mention that I was dumped by T1? (I probably did) And a lot of the attachment therapy I was working on with T2 was a result of the dumping by T1. At least with T1 I was face to face with him when I was dumped.

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