So sorry Forlorn that this awful thing happened to you. But I'm glad you posted about it.

I have had two similar things happen to me in my therapy. The first was about a year or so ago I was sort of finishing up with T after my son's session. My son left the room and he and I were talking about a few things related to my session earlier that week when all of a sudden a boy walks into the room and says Hi. I was so shocked thinking it was a client. My T looked at the boy and said, what are you doing in here now? And he said I came to take X (the dog) home. I then realized with a huge shock that this was my Ts SON! Let me tell you that coming face to face with his real life so unexpectedly and in the room where we have our sessions just about knocked me out of my seat. I didn't say anything just took my receipt and left but I was dissociating and full of anxiety until my next session where I tried to talk about it. It was very difficult and my T had NO idea why I would be upset over this!! I truly wanted to slug him.

The other thing happened in my next to last session with my T in August (you may not now he forceably terminated me in August). I had scheduled a late in the day appointment because I was having surgery the next day and the day before he emails me to change it to earlier. I was working and it was very hard for me to change it but I did change it and ended up having an argument with my boss. I was afraid if I didnt change it I would lose the chance to see him before my surgery the next day and so I got myself in trouble at work to do this, thinking he had some kind of family or personal emergency thing to take care of.

You can imagine my horror when towards the end of my appointment some crazy woman started banging on his door! I got hysterical and angry at him. OMG... he moved me and made me crazy so he could give MY time to a woman who was obviously NEW and didn't have enough brains to realize you don't bang on the therapists door while he is in session?!!!!

I never mentioned this to him and I never had the opportunity to bring this hurt into session because at the next session he told me to go find another T (no reason given really) and this led to a long sad story of termination.

So I know how this hurts and how violated you feel and also insignificant. I hope you take the opportunity to tell your T how this made you feel and talk it through with her.

I'm sorry you are feeling so sad and are having difficulties. Don't feel bad about not posting. We all need to take breaks from posting from time to time. The main thing is that you are here now and I hope you can find comfort in being back here. It was good to hear from you.

TN

Ye Gods,
I am stunned.
How awful for both of you.
Really really CRASS of those people.
Talk about BOUNDARY issues!!

I don't think i have ever had someone walk in on my session but maybe I just blocked it from my memory banks.

Hi Forlorn,

What a shock! The nerve of that guy!! Your T's phone ringing would've been bad enough. I hope the next time you see your T she apologizes profusely for both.

A few months ago I was about 20 minutes into my session and a lady knocked on my T's door. He answered it (because everyone is more important than me) and she wanted to use the phone! He told her she could go down the hall to the church office but that he was in session and wouldn't allow her to use his phone. Her interruption derailed everything.

Another thing that people do (probably once a month) ... I'm in session and they slide their check or a note under my T's door, and I automatically turn my head to see what it is, and then I can't stop looking at it even though my T is still talking to me. Most of the time he will get up and pick up the envelope but sometimes he just leaves it. It's totally unnecessary for anyone to slide stuff under his door; he has a secretary.

Sorry this happened to you, hopefully your T can talk about it with you and acknowledge your shock and confusion.

~D.

((((Forlorn))))

I'm sorry- that was such a painful way for the session to end...end of session is already painful enough each time, without adding to the mix. I wisj your T would have taken you a side and spoke to you a few moments about it, and made it ok...and I hope that if she doesn't bring it up in session next time, you will be able to, and say how this affected you. It seems like a really important thing to talk about.

BB

Forlorn,

I'm sorry to hear about the ending of your session. That would have really rattled me as well. I hope that your T does take time to address this with you next time. It seems like it might get in the way of your next session if you don't get it resolved.

forlorn, that is so weird!!! i can only imagine how t handled that one with the guy...yes, even a ringing phone (why can't they turn their ringer off when i get there, i turn mine off!) so i can only imagine how that rattled you.

let us know how this is handled at your next appt.

y'no? that would have SCARED me, i think, i can't imagine someone coming in, and not even seeming to regard the error!


weird deal, forlorn....jill

hi again,

I'm kinda swirly right now.

things are very stressful and I'm trying to sort things out without going too crazy

she did not address it at all and when I brought it up she just said "sorry"

Deepfried: It freaked me completely out. And now I don't even know if she handled it with him. she even seemed to have forgotten the whole thing.

therapists are so off-base. thanks for your sympathies.

TN: whoa, seeing my T's kid would not have sat right with me. it's one thing for a wayward patient to wander in, but for a member of her family... double eeks! I wish I had confronted my T more about the situation. she gave a measly sorry and I didn't press it and she really didn't care one way or the other. It's good to be here and posting again.

Sheychen: thanks for your support. I really wish I could block this from my memory

Debbye: yeah no profuse apology, no acknowledgment of it really. I would have been so mad at your T for answering the door, but even more for the woman to knock. seriously where is the couth? And the check thing would suck. it's those little things that happen that really don't need to happen that make sessions so much more difficult for us.

BG: She didn't think it was a big deal or any kind of deal. of nothing is every really important about me or my feelings anyway. I'm glad your T sounds like he takes great care to let you know he understands you and that you can joke with him. I would've thought that about my T once, but not anymore.

BB: thank you. I wish she would have too, but that would have required her to at least give n outward appearance of caring which probably will not happen.

STRM: I think I am starting to get used to unresolved things in my life.

Jill: and she has been leaving the cell phone on lately and then it rings so I have to stop talking, lose my train of thought, she will then say something about having forgot to turn it off or needing to turn it off, but she never ever answers it. and then when she does "turn it off" it beeps every 5 minutes. so it's not really off, just on vibrate and warning her about a missed call....oh great

well so by now you all can tell I am bitter. I normally don't trash her this much for fear she may read it but I think I'm being tantrumy anyway so might as well.

I've been tormented by dreams of T lately, since the guy walked in.

One dream was that T's office had full-length glass windows and everyone on the street could see in even though we were on the 2nd floor.
Another patient (a guy) came to the door to slide a newspaper under for her and stood outside the windows watching us. I told T I was uncomfortable with that and she said he brings her papers all the time and that I shouldn't be afraid of him. That I should see how this other guys acts and how he gets all touchy feely with her. And the dream went on and on like that.

Another one was where I was waiting for my session and T came out and said she'd be late because the woman that was in there wouldn't stop crying and she couldn't end the session until that lady stopped crying. So the woman ended up crying through my entire time and T just said sorry. And of I thought of the times I've been crying and she still told me time's up. the dream ended with me being bitter and sad.

I don't know what it means and I have an appointment with T this morning. I'm hoping she will sit with me and be soothing but I doubt she will. And I am ashamed at myself for still wanting to repair this relationship.

Hi June,

I did tell her about the dreams and I hoped she would see the connection but I don't think she did. Did I also mention that the woman whose session is before mine always comes out crying and though I've never "seen" her, I've been in the bathroom when she's come in and she stays in the stall until I leave and I hear her crying. I brought it up to T once, that she's always crying on the way out and T said something like "how does that concern you?"

So the dream about the crying woman was about her and I fear that it somehow will affect my appt since it's after hers.

I am sorry your T forgot about you. I think they try to be as nonchalant about those things as they can, purposefully, because they think that it will subdue it for you as well. Like if my nephew falls and bumps himself and I rush right over, hugging him and checking, then he cries and cries and cries and is in so much pain. But if I just say, aw you're okay, it wasn't that bad, then he won't cry as much. I think it's like that. They're hoping we won't cry and cry over the fall so they pretend it wasn't such a bad fall.

I think that was in very poor performance by your T to not try to address and remedy the situation. Just because he made this deal to see you at another location doesn't make it ok to forget you. Sure the situation may be unusual for him but he did agree to it and should talk to you if there are problems or complications.

I'm sorry you have had such a startling wake up call. And that you might end up feeling resigned to accept being forgotten. I won't advise you to bring it up again as it is your therapy and your emotions (and I am so not a good advice-giver )But I do hope you don't feel unimportant or hold this situation in to the point that it hurts you by not talking about it.

Thank you for the warm support. I wish you the best.

Wow - June, I would DEFINATELY not pay for a full session if he missed part of it because of HIS schedule, make that CLEAR to him.There is no way he could argue with that.I am SHOCKED he did not suggest this himself.
We need to learn that we can be assertive and clear, and this situation really shocked me.
I hope I am allowed to say that.
I guess I am old enough now to know that T's are just people too, and sometimes they need to be told when they have made a mistake.