I had written a really good post .. but the Cafe server timed out and lost it. $#^@&$ &&%#$*@^!
There, I feel better now. Lets see if I can do this again ...

Welcome to the forum Catherine

You started your topic just fine. You can talk about anything here, just tell us what's on your mind. (OMG, I sound like my shrink! ) Everyone here has a wealth of insight to share and tons of support to offer.

That said, I'm not one of those people I'm still developing my insight, and like to practice on poor unsuspecting individuals (such as yourself) in this forum. So consider me an insightful supportive person 'In Training' LOL

My Knee Jerk Reaction (KJR)to your post is to say: "Get the hell out of there girl! Run for the hills, find a nice lake somewhere, cast your line in and troll for a healthier looking fishy!"

My supportive reaction to your post is to say:

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling in your relationship. Some people don't experience this behavior until after they are married and stuck. So you have an opportunity here to look at what it is you are and aren't getting from your relationship before you are stuck (so to speak). My suggestion is to simply try talking to him and find out why he has lost the romance and how you can get it back. Let him know truthfully, that you are feeling sad about how things have progressed, and let him know what you want from your relationship. If he responds well, there's hope and you need to give him a chance. If he soesn't know why he's distancing himself, then maybe he'd be willing to try couples therapy. If he responds poorly to any attempt that you make to reach out .. you need to refer to my KJR as stated above.

My point is that no matter how old you are; you need to think about yourself, in your present and in your future. Think about whats important to you and make those things happen! Otherwise .. prepare to turn 40 and come to the realization that you have lived your life HOPING for the best, doing what everyone else expects of you and forgeting that you need to take care of the most important person in your life .. YOU! Okay .. that's my midlife realization and what I'm working through today. All I can really say honestly is ... Just do what makes YOU happy!

Anyway, I'm sure that some of the other members will have more practical insight, and offer some better support to you.

Good luck and all the best!

Holly

Hi Catherine! and Welcome!

I agree with everything Holly said, except where she said "soesn't", I'd have said "doesn't" (Just kiddin ya Holly). No, seriously, I was trying to figure out how to say the same thing in a kind and caring way, and I think she said it just right.

You only live once. If it doesn't feel right, get out before you get more entrenched. That comes from my voice of experience.

catgirl

btw, I also agree with Holly about talking with him and giving him a chance. Maybe there's something you're not seeing. But, don't wait too long to move on if it doesn't feel right.

thank you very much i will try today

CG, How are ya? I think that ShrinkLady better add a spell check to the reply box menu to prevent such silly errors as 'soesn't'.

That was a whole lot of agreeing with me! What the hell heck is wrong with you!!!??? Darn swine flu is getting to you isn't it!?

Good luck Catherine! I'm glad that you're going to talk to your b/f. I really hope that it goes well and that you will be able to look ahead to a future together. Do let us know how it works out for you.

Jolly Holly

i tried talking to him about everythin he is in complete denile doesn't see what he is doing so i guess it is time to let him go i am so hurt that he doesn't even want to try to save our relationship its like he just doesn't care won't eve try to work on whatever is going on thank you for listening to me
t

Sorry to hear that he is unable to see that what he is doing is hurting you and your relationship. From an outside perspective I have to say that you need to move on and find someone out there that compliments you. Be strong, and be patient, Mr. Notsoperfectbuthelovesmeandtreatsmeright is out there somewhere! Be true to yourself and find what will make you happy!

I was listening to the Psychiatry show on Satellite Dr. Radio last week and they were talking about dating (I don't know what dating has to do with mental health, but wahtever). The Dr. was saying that a woman should go on 12 first dates with 12 different suitors. After eash date make notes on the good and bad points of the person and the date. Don't take a second date with anyone until you have dated all 12. After the 12 dates, look at your notes and pick the one person who topped the rest and take your next date with him. Apparently that will make your chances of finding Mr. you know who a lot more likely. Though 12 seems to be alot of guys to date .. I might try 6!

That't my advice and I'm stickin to it!

Umm, any spelling errors there CG?? LMFAO

Be well! Holly

Catherine,
Again, I defer to Holly. If he's not getting it, then he's probably not the right one.

Good luck on this journey. Let us know how it goes.

catgirl

Holly ponders, why CatGirl is agreeing with her so much and what she is setting her up for ... Hmmmm

quote:

Originally posted by HollyBaby0:
Holly ponders, why CatGirl is agreeing with her so much and what she is setting her up for ... Hmmmm

I was just about to burn you (in a teasing way, of course), but I just couldn't bring myself to. I'm too nice.

I agree with you on this. I read the post, and I wanted to say the same thing that you did, but you said it so well that I couldn't have said it better, especially in the state I've been in.

Chance are, you and I speak from experience, so we have a similar outlook.

Good luck with that laundry!

catgirl

thank you for the help 12 different guys is alot i don't know if i could fine that many different guys to go out with but i might try going out with a few i will let you know how things are going but before i start dating again i have to heal from this one 1st

quote:

I was just about to burn you (in a teasing way, of course), but I just couldn't bring myself to. I'm too nice.

AWE COME ON!!!!! I know you aren't THAT nice!

Hi again Catherine. Yeh, 12 is a lot. I would think 3-6 would work out a bit easier. Mind you I would be pretty excited (if I were single of course) if I have the option of finding 2 people to date let alone 12!

So I assume you let your b/f go? You'll heal, but don't take forever doing it You don't want to keep Mr. Right waiting! LOL
If you want to chat about how your feeling, just post again and we'll be here for ya

Holly