Thanks TN, but I think it was much easier because I really have no emotional attachment to my T, since I just started seeing her a month or two ago and my transference is with my son's T. Even if something I said in my journal caused her to not want to help me or to send me somewhere else, I really wouldn't care that much. I am positive I would have a much, much harder time handing it over to my son's T.

I also really didn't get the sense that my T really understood how difficult it was for me, especially since I knew the time was coming when my son's T would be out of my life. I wasn't very good at communicating it verbally in my sessions (minimizing my emotions, maybe? ). So in order for us to really deal with it, I thought she should know what really goes through my mind.

We'll find out tomorrow if it's going to help, if she's going to tell me I'm completely nuts, or if she tells me I just need to get a grip.

quote:

Originally posted by puppy lover:
I still have that little voice in my head telling me now that I am crazy, ridiculous, oversensitive, and my feelings are not important.
PL

PL - I so hear you.

OW and PL,
You are not nuts, you are not losing your grip, you are not pathetic, you are not oversensitive, you are not ridiculous, and your feelings ARE important.

What you are experiencing is trying to meet a fundamental need, necessary to our survival, that never got met. Reaching out to an attachment figure with these feelings is actually a healthy sign. We are SUPPOSED to move towards connection to fulfill our needs and receive comfort. Unfortunately, many of us learned some extremely different on a very deep unconscious level. We had to teach ourselves not to need, not to seek out relationship, so when we do all this shame and fear kicks in, in an unconscious attempt to "protect" ourselves.

I know that these feelings are screaming at you and they're so intense it feels like it MUST be reality. But that's exactly what we didn't learn, to regulate our emotions and calm them so we could objectively access reality using our emotions as input not as stimulus to a knee jerk reaction.

Don't get me wrong, I'm really glad that you are expressing how you feel, and you should feel really safe doing that here, and there is no judgement on my part for you feeling that way, trust me I've done all that and more. But I want you to hear that its just not true.

AG

Thanks AG. Now could you please repeat that sentence to me every day, maybe every hour, until it sinks in.

OW,
It was my Ts willingness to say this to me over and over and over, in session and in phone calls, that taught me to believe it. He was totally committed to giving me as much reassurance as I needed no matter how much that was. Along with telling me that he understood why I needed it. So I totally understand needing to hear it 10 or 10,000 times.

AG