puppet, I don't think T would have intentionally given you false hope in anticipation of you forgetting about her. I hope you are able to bring it up. The best sessions I have ever had were the result of complete honesty (especially about my fears of abandonment/rejection/loss of T). (((((((hugs))))))) and support from me to you!

Puppet,

I apologize if you have posted this elsewhere and I missed it, but why is it that you only 2 sessions left with T? Is it an insurance thing? Or a scheduling issue (that you need afternoon appointments only)?

Puppet,

I would hope that she isn't giving you false hope, but I can completely understand why that thought would cross your mind and why the hope being there makes this even harder. I hope that you are able to find a way at some point to work something out schedule wise and that you can continue to work with this T.

(((hugs)))

hey puppet, going through your last 2 sessions (for at least a while) sounds like a difficult time. I don't think your T would tell you about the possible sessions later this year if she didn't think you may find them valuable in the future. that is, I don't think she just expects you to forget her. I'd probably be confused if a T said that just because it makes it hard to say good bye if you aren't actually sure that it really is good bye. But it sounds like your T has an invested interest in you and in working with you. I think asking her about it sounds like a good idea. That way, you can communicate and clarify her intentions & what she meant, and you don't just have to wonder about it.

Puppet I am fairly sure that your T means what she says and that this is true. My question is though... does she expect you to stay out of therapy until later this year when that afternoon appointment opens up?

I hope you find some comfort in your last sessions and that you can reach some peaceful place with her. I would tell you to speak as openly as you can with her and to say anything you feel has a sense of urgency about it.

I know it will be hard leaving... even if only for a period of months. We are here for you to help you through this.

TN

thank you all for reading and your support!

yaku, yes, that makes sense... i'm still trying to get it through my thick skull! i spoke to her about it today and she said she did mean it, she thinks she will be able to change her schedule so there's an appointment for me later in the afternoon.
hugs to you too, i know you're going through a lot and i don't know how you have any energy left to be supportive to others too

LG - no apologies! you can probably count my posts on one hand, so no, you didn't miss much or anything... i knew from the beginning it was only going to be a temporary thing because when i started seeing her i knew she only did appointments during the day. although, a part of me was hoping that she would be able to be more flexible (and now I'm getting my wish and it freaks me out?!) at the time i was desperate and i found her because she works on a sliding scale and i did have a temporary job working 4 days so it worked well for a while. well, now that job is over and so is therapy!... until i find work again and see if it fits in with the appointment my T is offering (which is a fixed day and time), so hopefully the job isn't too far away or unflexible.

STRM, yes, it is strange that hope would make it harder rather then better... the uncertainty is the really hard thing, and i suppose, accepting something good from someone, i can't believe it doesnt come with other consequences. thanks for the hugs!

firefly, yes, it does sound like she's investing in working with me, doesn't it? doesn't it?? i just have to try to drill it into my brain. what i did today is asked a lot of questions, even though it was hard and i couldn't really answer her questions. i told her i need to ask these questions now and process it later. i'm still processing

TN, thank you, your words mean so much because i know you've been through this, but in the worst possible way! its so sweet for you to reach out and i hope it doesnt bring back bad memories
she seemed a bit more flexible about the appointment being available earlier than what she originally said, so i might not have to wait that long.

i will update when i've processed today's session but at the moment i'm still in a sort of lala land and i dont know what it all means...

hugs back,
puppet

quote:

TN, thank you, your words mean so much because i know you've been through this, but in the worst possible way! its so sweet for you to reach out and i hope it doesnt bring back bad memories
she seemed a bit more flexible about the appointment being available earlier than what she originally said, so i might not have to wait that long.

No worries, Puppet. I'm in a much more stable place these days with my new T who is amazing. So it's okay but I hate seeing anyone else suffer the separation from their T because I know how it hurts. I'm glad she is working to find room in her schedule so you can continue. And good luck finding some work that will be more permanent for you.

TN

thank you UV for your concern and for the info. i havent looked at something like that in my area, at the moment seeing some other random T doesn't appeal, but it might be something to consider later, depending how it all goes.
dont want you to be sad though, but thanks for your help.

puppet

TN, i'm glad your new T is amazing! your story has given me so much hope.
thanks!

puppet

UPDATE

i've had more time to process after my session and even though it does look like she means it, the hope is still just that - hope - nothing certain... so now, what do i do at my next session, do i treat it as a LAST session?! because i dont' know for sure if it is or it isnt...

i had this idea actually - a desperate attempt to stop time - to postpone my session till the following week, this way i dont have to face the 'last' session yet, i will have one more week. not sure if its really helpful though...

if it is the last session, i just feel like i havent had enough time to accept it, to say goodbye, grieve - to even know what I am grieving, because it feels like i am grieving a lot of losses at once, maybe every big loss of my life. i go from being in a helpless rage to feeling completely numb to sobbing inconsolably but briefly in the shower back to feeling numb again...

thanks for listening again

puppet

Can you tell her that last paragraph and see what she thinks about rescheduling? I know that would be very vulnerable, but I really have no idea what to do. I'm so sorry! Even if it were me, I don't know what I would do. ((((((((puppet)))))))) Thinking of you.

((yaku)) thank you and you have nothing to be sorry for, you're really sweet!
i hope this didnt trigger you, you are safe, you have a T who is there for you and you so deserve it!

yes, she will probably be ok with rescheduling, i'm just not sure yet if it is the best for me, or i'm just prolonging my agony...

look after yourself.
hugs,
puppet

First, hugs to you ((((puppet)))) pondering the break in therapy is something I don't even want to consider.

I do have a question, though... if it is possible to postpone until next week, would it be possible to keep this week AND add the session next week? Maybe give one more week until the afternoon appointment opens up?

My T had a similar situation - I was able to get to an earlier appointment for only one month, and she said she thought she might have an evening appointment opening up in a month or so. As it turns out, the appointment opened up the week after she told me about it. I tell you this in an effort to remind you to keep hoping, as things sometimes DO work out the way we hope, and even faster than we thought!

(((((puppet)))))

thank you for the hugs Room2Grow!

actually, i've come to a similar conclusion. i've had a really bad week already with other stuff that's happened and i have decided to still go to my session this week and to ask her for another session that we won't schedule yet, but keep it for when i really need it. that way i know for sure that its not my last session and i have another one i can schedule when i really need it. well, not ideal i guess, but the best my brain could come up in these circumstances.
the problem is i cant continue to see her regularly even if the evening app comes up sooner, as i'm out of work again and need to find a job first so i can afford it.

i really appreciate the hugs and trying to keep my hope and spirits up, thanks!

puppet

(((((Puppet))))))

Gosh it is a tough situation. I feel for you. Let us know how it's going...glad you will be able to have at least the session for when you need it, but it would be nice to have the time to process the goodbye/break, and know what you are really dealing with.

thinking of you..

BB

thank you BB!!

i'll update soon

puppet