This is going to be a pretty choppy post. Sorry about that.

I'm stressed.

For the past two weeks I have had a problem come up with the place I rent now and it is looking pretty certain that I need to move. And soon. I have spent a lot o time this past week apartment hunting and even meeting up with a handful of possible house sharing roommate type situations.

The apartment hunting and finding a place I ca afford on my own right now I really hard (hasn't worked out yet). It could, but this is the worst time o year to try to rent any kind of place where I live. I *might* beable to buy some time to find someplace (maybe another month to look and apply).

I have found two places that are very good possibilities (I just have to say yes, I want to move in) where I would have roommates. In both cases my roommates would be single guys in their lates 20s early 30s (about my age). They seem cool and it was cmfortable talking, especially at one house where one of te guys owns the house.

The house seems peaceful and they are into quiet.

But... roommates... it has been 5 years ( pretty much before being attacked and the worst of the ptsd stuff for me since I have had roommates. I have lived for a month twice with a family I know... in their finished basement... but that is a bit different... is it?

One of my traumas happened just before moving 4 years ago. So packed moving boces is actually a trigger in a of itself, on top of general stress of the actual act of moving. Looking for a place and looking through options is j naturally activating as is. I had to move three years ago, and it was very triggery just to go throughseeing all the packed boxes. I'm much better wit it now. Yet just looking for a new place and thinking of the act of moving has me very jumpy.

And now, roommates? Intellectually, part of me feels safer having roommates. I also miss having roommates in general.

Yet... I'm scared. I'm not so scared of the potential roommates, but of me and how they will respond to me.

What if they notice any of the ptsd suff? What if I'm just not normal enough? What if I can't hide it so well? Oh dear....

Living someplace w roomates is better than nothing (litteral nothing). Even if it just gives me time to find something better maybe? Oh dear I don't want to think of continuing to look now or in the near future.

I'm not sure I'm ready for roommates. I want to be. Badly. I miss having roommates very much. And I have to start somewhere sometime... I may never feel "ready"....

And when I came out of 3 weeks treatment intensive in residential treatment out of state... I came back and stayedwith a family bc it seemed better to transition back to my apartment and being alone so much in a little slower way. So maybe having roommates will be a good thing for me.

But right now, I'm just scared. The anniversary of the attack in my old old apartment is this week. Of all weeks. (Shitty timing). I have to make a decision about this place tonight...

I'm just scared. How does living with housemates while recovering from ptsd they don't know about work?

I am such a freak.

Any input, thoughts or feedback would be wonderful...