I am feeling sad after my session today. I didn't know what to talk about. My T asked me what I have been doing about my recently injured knee. Last time we talked about it I felt like he was blaming me for the way my doctors have basically told me to lose weight to solve my joint problems and asthma which means basically there is nothing I can do because I can't lose weight. I feel guilty and ashamed that I can't control my eating. I know that losing weight would improve my health in many ways but it doesn't change what I do. Today my T told me he didn't blame for my weight and eating or for the way I blame myself and I believe him. However, I don't think it matters if he blames me or not. I blame myself. Talking to my T about it brings all my shame and disgust towards myself up so I can't ignore it. My T wants me to talk more about my feelings, how blaming myself affects my life, where and when does it hurt. He says that being heard when I talk about my pain will do something but I don't see how it can. I feel so disgusting when I just start to talk about how I feel it seems so some horrible torture to try and continue. I just want to stop feeling the way I do, I don't want to have to describe it to someone else.
Original Post
) is that these are parts of ourselves that we find so horrible, so shameful, that we cannot tolerate them. They come from a place of real pain.