Thanks DF -that is wise and insightful and you are right, the last male T was supposedly happily married, still is but abused me anyway. So that was no indicator.

So far my P has been safe. But I would hate to think of him feeling more uncomfortable if I am talking about my sexual relationship with my husband and he is alone, and single. It feels mean of me. I know I should not think like this as he is professional and should sort that sort of stuff out for himself, but still, it is weird.

For all I know, he may be in a relationship, that is why they had to separate, - maybe HE went off with someone else, oh dear, this is a can of worms, I wish I had never asked. I ranted about people not respecting their marriage vows last session, mainly about the abusive T who thought it was fine to follow his lust and abuse me whilst married. Urgh. I have got myself in a very tangle up place.

I so NEEDED him to be happily married. How on earth can he be safe single?????????

Ye gods, this therapy process is a killer.

(((Sadly))) Sending hugs. I have just recently started talking to my T about this sort of stuff, because my stuff with H is getting meshed with trauma stuff, related to his condition. I am fairly certain that T and his wife are happily married (except that he is only home three nights a week, due to his practice). I know he did have a rupture with his wife way in the past (because he told H) and the knowledge of that has made it a real problem to disclose around this topic. So, I can totally understand why it's so difficult that sweetP isn't in a steady relationship right now. I think exploring how that knowledge makes you feel before talking about these other things may be an important ingredient. For instance, I had to explore with T how "OK" he was with my sharing anything related to sex and trauma a few times before I could start to do so more openly. Also, even though his not being willing/able/ready to hold you is very painful, and I hesitate to remind you of it, it is a very clear indication that he does and will think through all his boundaries carefully concerning you and take his time making the RIGHT decision for your treatment. So, I think his past behavior is a good indication that, at least safety-wise, sweetP has your best concerns at heart and will take all the time necessary to determine what those are and communicate it with you gently. I think you are safe from him. On the concerns about how what you say will affect him, when he is NOT in a relationship, that is a bit harder. I cannot help thinking of such caretaking stuff with my T. For example, knowing that T doesn't get to spend most evenings with his wife, it is sometimes hard to discuss wanting time away from my H or my fears of how to handle my H being gone for long periods (like business trips). However, I try to remind myself that he is my T and if he needs support around his own pain (that my issues may trigger), he should know better than anyone to get his own therapy to work that through. Healthy doesn't always mean perfect, so even if sweetP's relationship stuff isn't perfect right now, I would hazard a guess that he is pretty healthy in how he deals with the disappointment or lack of perfection. I don't know if any of this is helping...just thoughts that sprung to my mind.

Thanks for my hugs Yaku. (((((Yaku))))) here are some back!
Your comment is brilliantly insightful and wise and I often think we are travelling very similar roads. I like your suggestions, and I really must have this talk with my P about talking about sex, as I am just NOT talking about sex. One of the things that is most bizarre is that since last August, when I started talking about the abuse I suffered when I was 8 - I have had a most intense sex drive and my dear H is having an interesting time with dealing with that. /Well, Of course I have been too shy to say ANYthing about that in therapy. Now knowing P is single - how can I possible bring up that my H and I might be making love three times in 24 hours, and how delightful that is for me.... I mean, that seems MEAN of me to be revealing.

Caretaking our P's is hard. God, I also remember all the times I go on about how lucky I am for having a loving husband and wonderful kids and home and family life.. That probably was hard for him to hear if he is going through a hard time.

I HAVE to find a way to deal with this.

DF - I am aware that I may be projecting my T's feelings based on his past (expressed) empathy with my own feelings. I know plenty of people who are happy single or having time away from their loved ones (actually, my H's last trip was kind of like that for about 1/2 of the time).

arg- had to delete, Sadly as I didn't feel ok about what I posted before for some reason. Just want to say I think it's ok to talk about whatever you need to with your T and sure it is safe to do so.

hugs,

BB