You can but try, especially if you replace the sessions with doing something for yourself, why not give it a try, I am sure you will be able to go back it if you really need it, hopefully you are as ready as you seem.

good luck

I agree with Scars here, it sounds like a good game plan to drop back to once a fortnight just to see how it makes you feel. If you're making 'I'm ready to scale back' noises in your head, then either you ARE ready to scale back. or you're doing the 'flight into health' - either way actually decreasing the frequency of your sessions will tell you exactly what's going on and enable you to make a considered and accurate decision.

On the other hand - lol - it sounds like you're ambivalent at best and so maybe this is something you could bring to therapy itself, it's as good a topic as any and if you ARE ready to scale back, would mark the beginning of the termination phase (which itself could go on for some time...) Nothing focuses the mind more than knowing you're going to have to bring a topic up in therapy

Good for you too for feeling better now and having gotten over the crises, that must be a nice feeling?

LL

Edited to add: I see you actually asked a question in your title and I completely ignored it, sorry. Having said that, I can't answer it anyway as I've never successfully completed a therapy and so have never been in a position to scale back. I've usually just terminated whatever therapy I've been doing because it hasn't helped

hic, i think you should give it a shot! what the heck?! if it doesn't work, you can always go back, right? take the training wheels off and give it a go on your own! sounds exciting and self-liberating to me!

whatever you decide, keep us posted! good luck!

Sounds like you have a great plan. I think give fortnightly a go and if you get wobbly, schedule a couple of weeklies in to stabilise and then go fortnightly again.

well done.

Thanks so much for the encouragement to try this, everyone. I think I may well give it a go. I already have a session scheduled for next week, but unless anything unexpected surfaces and makes me change my mind (which does happen ) I will suggest the idea to T of spacing things out more.

I had a lot of things on my mind that I wanted to discuss at my session tonight. Switching to fortnightly appointments was just one of them. When I arrived, after a few minutes of chatting we delved straight into the biggest subject on my list. It was an interesting session. Very engrossing. Different in that we talked a *lot* and it was all serious, no breaks for chatting or joking or general banter like we often have. It really felt like "work" and was, I hope, productive.

At the same time it was a less connecting session than usual, I suppose because we were busy detachedly dissecting and it was kind of intellectualized rather than feeling oriented. At least, I talked about feelings but I wasn't feeling most of them in the moment if that makes sense. Maybe this is why it felt easier to take the plunge into scheduling my next session two weeks out, which we did do.

I don't think I pulled it off as gracefully as I could have, though, and am regretting this a bit. I didn't actually remember to bring it up until the very end of the session when T was asking about scheduling again. When I remembered, I glanced at her and asked myself rapidly, "Can I deal with not seeing her for two weeks?"

And the answer came, "Yeah, I think I could manage that." This, btw, is something of a significant change.

So I said, "Oh, I was thinking, would it be all right it we switched to a two week schedule?"

She kind of raised her eyebrows, said "Of course," and seemed a little surprised.

I said, "I meant to bring it up earlier but I forgot."

T was silent.

Then I said, "I just think I've been more stable so wanted to see how I'd do spacing things out a bit."

"That's perfectly okay."

I don't know. I can understand the surprise, but she actually seemed disappointed as well. Now, as much as like to imagine my T cares for me, I seriously can't think she'd have disappointment due to seeing my every two weeks instead of every one. What possible difference could it make to her? She has a pretty full life from all I can tell and it's not like she's dependent on me (or if she feels that way she hides it pretty well, lol). So I'm thinking the disappointment (if I was perceiving correctly) may have had a financial component. After all, if I'm only coming in twice a month the amount she'll make from me in future is halved, which is actually part of the idea from my point of view. But. The thought that this might bother her concerns me a little for some odd reason, although I realize it shouldn't be a factor in decision making on this.

I suppose it's possible my T isn't disappointed at all, that I misread her and she spoke so briefly because the session was at an end, or possibly because she could truly care less and had nothing else to say on the topic. Or maybe she was distracted by her digital calendar which doesn't always seem to work so well.

Thanks for reading.

Held

P.S. If anyone has any thoughts on this interaction with T re the spaced out sessions I would welcome hearing them. I hope I didn't make a worse social gaffe than I realize. . . but if you think so, if you think there is anything I need to apologize for or maybe send her an explanatory email about please tell me. I'd rather know than not!

Am feeling a bit concerned about all this this morning.

Hi HIC,

Well I'll first tell you that I don't think any disappointment you sensed was for monetary reasons. Rather, it seems like you had just had a pretty good discussion with her, and she probably sensed it. So to have this productive session and then mention at the end that you'd like to scale back on sessions, she may have either been disappointed, puzzled, or even just deep in thought about what spurred your decision. It sounds like, for her, this decision probably also came out of the blue (in her view). Is that correct, do you think?

I think it's really important that you have a conversation with her and discuss your thoughts behind scaling back your session frequency. She might not say much, since it's your decision, but she may have some insights. But, like the others said, it might be worth trying and just monitoring how you feel about the fewer sessions.

kashley,

Thank you so much for your thoughts on this. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but that actually hadn't occurred to me-- that T may have been puzzedly trying to connect this change to something that happened in our session just then. It seems so obvious now you point it out-- T can't have known this was on my mind for weeks if I didn't tell her so. Am having a bit of a "duh" moment right now.

Do you think I should send her an email about it or it's okay to wait till my next session in two weeks and talk more then?

Hello Held, glad Kashley's suggestion made sense to you, I'd been thinking something like that myself, that you dropped the two week session thing on her at the last minute with no preparation, she was probably trying to process that more than anything.

It's interesting that your mind went straight to the most negative thing you could come up with to explain her reaction - though understandable, isn't money, the fact that therapy is a business arrangement, a big negative in the therapy stakes?

I did want to ask, how do YOU feel about it, now that you've made it a firm decision and will be acting on it? Are you ok with only seeing her in two weeks time?

Lol lucky you can email her though isn't it, imagine if you'd had to wait two weeks to talk about your assumptions.

Glad you had a good session

LL

quote:

I did want to ask, how do YOU feel about it, now that you've made it a firm decision and will be acting on it? Are you ok with only seeing her in two weeks time?

Actually, I feel surprisingly okay with it and even relieved. My life has become busier and fuller over the last few months, and lately it seems that every time I'm turning around it's therapy again. That really is such a shift in perception for me, because for most of time I've been in therapy it seems the week has dragged on and on as I've waited, counting the days and sometimes even the hours until I can see T again.

But in addition to being busier, I feel like I've improved in the sense that I can tolerate more intense sessions without spiraling afterward. I'm sure that I still get activated much more easily than the average person, but just comparing myself to myself, I can tolerate more now. But the fact that I'm having deeper, more intense sessions lately makes me feel I really could use a little more space between each one for things to process and sink in. Intellectually as much as emotionally, therapy can be work. It challenges so much of the way I think about things and I think allowing a little more time to let new kinds of thoughts solidify before dipping into another intense session makes sense.

And now I'm realizing I really should have said some of this to my T last night instead of explaining it to you all now. Maybe I will send that email after all.

Thanks for your thoughts and for inquiring after how I'm handling the prospect of my two week break.

Hi Held,

Glad that could help. Your reasoning behind spacing your sessions out more sounds very sound to me! I'm sure your T will understand that. So will your next session be two weeks from now?

Have you sent an email?

Hey kashley,

I haven't emailed yet. I'm actually not entirely sure how to phrase things or if emailing is necessary since we can talk next time. I've been trying to reduce the frequency of my emails as well. If it's just a matter of explaining for therapy reasons I think it can wait, but if I was actually rude I want to email and apologize/explain. I'm just not sure if I was or not! Someone needs to write a Miss Manners book for therapy, lol.

Yep, we did go ahead and schedule the a session two weeks out.

After a little more deliberating, I have decided for erring on the side of politeness and writing to to T. Here is what I said:

quote:

Hi T,

I was talking with some friends on my therapy forum about how I've decided to try a once every two week schedule. They think I should have explained my reasons more to you and have brought it up before the end of the session. I agreed with them, and I would have except I became so preoccupied by our other topics that I forgot until the end! It is something I have been thinking about for awhile now. Here is how I described my reasons to someone who asked:


"My life has become busier and fuller over the last few months, and lately it seems that every time I'm turning around it's therapy again. That really is such a shift in perception for me, because for most of time I've been in therapy it seems the week has dragged on and on as I've waited, counting the days and sometimes even the hours until I can see my therapist again.

But in addition to being busier, I feel like I've improved in the sense that I can tolerate more intense sessions without spiraling afterward. I'm sure that I still get activated much more easily than the average person, but just comparing myself to myself, I can tolerate more now. But the fact that I'm having deeper, more intense sessions lately makes me feel I really could use a little more space between each one for things to process and sink in. Intellectually as much as emotionally, therapy can be work. It challenges so much of the way I think about things and I think allowing a little more time to let new kinds of thoughts solidify before dipping into another intense session makes sense."

Thanks for being so awesome and understanding during my session yesterday, btw. You have given me a lot of good things to think about. I also looked up that book you were telling me about on Amazon, and you're right, it does seem intriguing!

Sincerely,
heldincompassion

I feel better about things now. Let it never be said of HIC that she doesn't know how to treat her T right.

Yep, I agree with Draggers entirely.