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3 replies

how do I not do this?

J janedoeMember
what helps resist the desire to use?

I took too much of something last night because I didn't want to feel pain (and didn't feel like I could handle it). Now, I feel like all I want to do is do that again. When I did it last night, I didn't feel the pain. (I don't want to die, I just can't seem to handle feeling the pain right now and this did work - sort of.) I have it availible to me to use again, but all the danger flags are coming up inside that I shouldn't go down this path that so many family members have gone down. All I seem to be thinking about though is taking it again. But I have to stop now... I don't know how... The pain is still there and it always will be as long as I try to escape it. I have to walk through it but I can't. I also can't let myself take this drug again.
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M mlcMember
(((Janedoe)))...I wish I knew the answer...I don't...trying to find it myself....sorry...sometimes mindfulness of the desire and/or the pain helps...kind of observing the sensations, feelings coming in waves ...subsiding..rising again...etc....w/out judging that you're having the desire...or judging the feelings....i've sort of discovered that the desires and the pain aren't always at a constant...they change..they move..they are strong, then really strong...then unbearable but then less strong....idk...not always able to do it though...i'm sorry...(((janedoe))) I admire your honesty too....mlc
J janedoeMember
thanks stoppers, BG, and mlc.

Stoppers - you have a good idea of calling someone to talk. after you posted, i did and it helped. and it still helping.

BG - I like the idea of tea or hot chocolate. Almost is like trying to replace it with something else that would be good for me and (feels ok too). I am desperate to escape. I used to be able to escape in other ways without this. damn this is nightmarishly hard.

mlc - that is so good to hear right now that this, the craving, the desire, the feelings... they come and go... that it isn't going to always be constant...

I've promised myself not to do it again for another 5 hours. (It seems like I can only think of the next 5 minutes) but I made it through 5 hours of intense cravings this morning. I hope I can make it again.

jd

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