When I dropped 30% of my body weight it was awkward. I apologized to My Ts about feeling like a skeleton. It was crappy, but my body also needed nurturing and to be acknowledged so I could begin to acknowledge it. I am sure my Ts used it to see where I was at also. It helped me be aware more of the damage. It was bad at one point in January which I didn't tell a soul except my Ts I ended up in the hospital on oxygen and monitors because I just completely stopped even drinking (depressed mostly). Anyway... How does this relate? My Ts are now able to help me see things by reviewing my body and helping me with the fact I can look in the mirror or look at runway model pictures and find not a thing wrong - sometimes they don't look comparatively small to any other type of person. It's helped me be aware.., but also so much shame I don't think she will judge but she will certainly notice... You will notice and your body will notice too and it can help you integrate. I recently gained about 7% of me back and my Ts don't talk about my body necessarily but they can see my improvements and sort of note what triggers the more recovered time.

Body language and bodies say so much. You know how you can hug and feel if someone is separated or active? It's a good barometer sometimes.

When I think about it too much though I freak out. What I get in my heart from hugs is more Than my shame I guess.

So Cat do you seek out hugs and touch from others IRL? Is it just your T's that you allow that close? Trust me intimacy with DH has become very difficult this past year.

I miss my children being small. When they could crawl up into my lap and throw their little arms around my neck. Now they are all taller than me and are not so interested in hugs from mom.

I want to want touch. I think it could be healing for me. I just don't know how to get past the awful thoughts that populate my mind whenever I let someone get that close to me.

I am a snuggle-bug. If it's not my pets, I give wonderful hugs and people do hug me or use gentle incidental contact. I just vibe that way. Of course I do not like being touched by strangers, in particular men. There are men at work I touch or touch me... Hard to explain how... Like a little elbow shove lol or a back pat - I work with an extremely eccentric group of people.

So anyway, yea.,, touching is sorta my normal communication. I was even tweezong a sliver out of my coworkers hand last week.

It doesn't bug me for some reason??? It doesn't seem like a body thing it's more an emotional thing. I also let people know when I'm not in a touch place.

I'm so sorry it's tough and stuff w H is hard

Hi Jillann - Touch has been one of the top three issues in my life. We didn't touch in my FOO. As a freshman in college, I realized I was gay, and at the time, in my situation, that meant being in the closet. Ergo no public display of affection. So I've spent most of my life being used to not touching, but also craving it.

Massages do help. I strip down to nothing but my socks (cold feet ). It used to embarrass me - especially with my weight - but I decided that they see all kinds of body types and I'm just another client. If they want to think my body is gross - well, so be it. I pay them for their work. They provide a service. If they are good - both the touch and the atmosphere - I go back. If not, no. For me, it was deciding to make a decision about what I would do and screw my anxieties about it. I'm so glad I did that. The other thing I'm learning is being more assertive about saying where and how (pressure, etc) I need to be touched in the massage. No point in getting a massage that doesn't feel good. (Which I've had.)

When I got together with my partner (many years ago) and met her family - they were all touchers and huggers. I remember telling her that it freaked me out. But I've gotten used to it. Over time. Again, it was a decision. I decided to accept the hug and to hug back if approached with a hug. I'm glad of that, too.

So, for me I guess it was plowing through my anxieties and doing things that made me feel uncomfortable. There are still lots of things about touch that are difficult for me, but I think I've made some progress.

Remember: Touch is important. It is crucial, actually. Without it, infants die. Lack of touch affects adults too - and especially the elderly who are often rarely touched. Skin is our largest organ, and it needs care beyond a good scrubbing. The stimulation of our skin was our very first sense. In the womb, we were touched. It's necessary, primal.

Do figure out ways to include it in your life, Jillann. It can be so healing.

-RT

I don't like hugs from strangers or acquaintances. I don't like hand holding with anyone. I do get massages and acupuncture with not much difficulty.

Touch is my primary love language; I enjoy touching and being touched--massages, hand holding, hugs, all of it. But I was molested at a young age, which complicates the touch dynamic when I'm interacting with people other than my husband. I have a tendency to eroticize affection with close friends. It doesn't come up often (thank goodness), but it is stressful, confusing and problematic.

I'm faithful to my husband (married almost 7 years), but I privately identify as bi.

I'm not real comfortable touching and hugging friends at all. I do have a SO and he loves touch. I don't mind him touching me I guess but I don't reciprocate as much. I do have a longing though for my T to hug me. I don't think it as much about touch as it is a longing to be comforted in a maternal way. She has offered but I just won't allow myself that because then it won't be enough. I just know that about me.

I have mixed feelings about touch. With trusted people I like hugs but the number of people I trust to hug me is very, very small and really restricted to some close family. I don't mind being touched briefly, say in yoga or pilates class, that is mostly OK and I have enjoyed sports massages and trips to the osteopath to sort out my poorly back. But unsolicited affection sends me to quite a threatened place. I think it's partly due to attachment stuff. I don't trust people not to hurt me when I am vulnerable. It is also to do with my own ambivalent relationship with closeness and vulnerability. I hate feeling as I need closeness because of a rocky start in life and a dodgy connection with my parents. I tend to be really cautious as a result.

I also am troubled by a sense sometimes of being unacceptable to others too, which holds me back from initiating touch. Intellectually I get that they probably don't find me repulsive but part of me still kind of believes it deep down (hello insecure attachment)

A new coworker I'd never met before gave me a hug and kissed me on the cheek when we parted company on Friday. Admittedly we'd just spent a day in the trenches or so it felt, trying really hard to get a job done in difficult circumstances and we had hit it off from the beginning and worked together well so I get why she did it. It was OK but I still had that momentary OMG moment and had a split second to decide whether I was going to pull away or not. I didn't but it still troubled me that I have that all going on in the background. It is tiring!

I'm not comfortable with strangers touching me at all. It isn't real comforting when a friend even touches me, but it does happen and I try to be as accepting as I can. Also, I get really nervous and upset if anyone stands to close to me, and is in my personal space or personal comfort zone, because I think I'm afraid they might touch me. My T touches my shoulder when he walks me out after a session, and I didn't like it at first, but am more comfortable now. Recently during a session, I was sitting next to his desk and had my arm on it. He was making a point to me and unexpectedly touch my hand with one finger, and I automatically jerked my hand back. I was not sure if he purposely did this to see how I would react or not, but I was a little embarrassed by how I reacted, but hopefully with time, it will get better.