Hi,

I'm new to this site but I've really been interested and helped by some of the therapy discussions I've read here, particularly those relating to attachment and therapist/client relationship? I would like to ask for some input on my situation.

As background, I was diagnosed with depression and have been on Zoloft for a year when I started seeing a doctor for weight loss. I was sexually abused by 2 family members when I was between 4 and 8. I've always remembered it and thought I dealt with it well. I am morbidly obese and I started seeing a weightloss doctor who after many tests suggested I see a psychologist to discuss my eating patterns (I overeat at night after my kids go to sleep). I admitted to him (my t) freely my CSA and told him I had dealt with it. He challenged me on that and over the last 5 months got me to see how much pain I was in and how many ways it affected my life. The positive results I've received from therapy are that I've lost almost 50 pounds and my relationship with my husband has greatly improved in many areas including intimacy, trust, and our sexual relationship.

For the last month, our sessions have been a bit at a standstill. We've talked about my parents who were not my abusers but did nothing to help when I told them about the abuse when I was 14. My mother has always been more concerned with what she wants than others feelings. I feel quite anxious and fearful and am having trouble sleeping and I don't know if therapy is helping me or causing symptoms because I'm constantly talking and thinking about my feelings. At least a couple of times over the course of therapy, I've felt quite rejected by the therapist even though I know that he was not rejecting me.

During my therapy yesterday we had an intense discussion about my feelings with respect to my children. I fear I'm not a good parent because I don't have good parental models and my children are having a tough time with separation and anxiety issues. He suggested that my inability to accept my own feelings led me to try and fix my kids feelings and therefore caused them more anxiety not less. I really have a hard time understanding this and Emailed him this morning telling him I felt he was belittling my feelings and he responded quite quickly clarifying what he said and he had not meant to belittle my feelings. He invited me to write back and I did and then he didn't respond. I didn't specifically ask for a response but I feel awful that he didn't answer. Like I'm not worth his time if I'm going to disagree or challenge his position.

How can I tell if I am just overreacting to him? or if this is a sign that he is not the right therapist for me? Does anyone have any guidelines for knowing if your therapist is right for you?