Hi Raven... I understand how you are feeling. I have struggled to believe what was real and also that what I do know is real is really abuse or trauma. I always feel like I'm making a big deal out of nothing. I have told my T some of this and that some of the memories are fuzzy. He told me that the details are not important because he can see that I have the "fingerprints" of trauma and abuse. He said he would have known this even if I didn't tell him.

Just talk to your T and don't worry about getting everything perfectly right. It's not so much the details as the feelings and then the behavior that comes from that. Your T will understand.

TN

Raven,

I struggle with this on a daily basis - at least as far as accepting my trauma goes a lot of my memories are solid memories (stuff I know I've known) but I have had a couple things creep up that I'm not sure about and felt the same 'what if I'm having false memories or something' thoughts. My Ts are fabulous at helping me through this and that is just by listening and validating how I feel that it wasn't important to them what is definite/known and what can only be speculated. I would encourage you to bring these things you're experiencing up to your T AND bring up your thoughts on things being not true/confused. I'm hoping your T can explain to you some things about how memory works and how you guys can work with stuff that is in sort of a grey area for you right now. My Ts have both said things do not need to be literal - actually a lot of the work I do is symbolic (body work, or my own art or we only talk about feelings/sensations not necessarily details because they trigger me too much) and that has really helped me take the pressure of while I'm still going through a 'hmmm did that actually happen' sort of phase. Sometimes our body and memories will communicate with us in the only ways they know how and they aren't literal, sometimes they are what it the most important thing is getting the feelings tended to no matter what they are, I think.

Hi Raven,

I think Catalyst said this really well. I don't have much more to add, but did want to chime in and say that I was told something similar by my T when I expressed concern over the possibility that I might unknowingly manufacture a memory if I began exploring some fragments. She said she thought it was still a good idea to try and talk about it, because even if what I "remembered" was not exactly what happened, what was important was the effect it had on me and that was something we should explore.

(((hugs))) I hope you are able to reach some sort of peace with this soon. It's hard when you want so much to know the literal truth but your brain is speaking to you in a slightly different language.