Li'l one and I feel like we're at a crossroads and aren't sure which way to go.

Briefly, when I stopped drinking five years ago, I hibernated when I wasn't working. My sole goal was to get thru each day while learning how to do it sober. It took six months just to have enough energy left over at the end of the day to venture outside and go for a walk! As summer came, I slowly ventured further and started doing more things on my own, albeit awkwardly. But, after only six months of practicing that, my parents and I discovered my brother was terminally ill and he died shortly after. I was plunged back into total numbness...and hibernation. Out of desperation, I started volunteering for a local theatre company. They have become like my second family. They've been my shoulder(s) to cry on and cheer me on when I decided to play the accordion part in the orchestra for "Fiddler on the Roof" this past spring.

But something has changed recently and I'm not sure what it is. I don't find volunteering and working with them as fulfilling anymore. In fact, li'l one has been getting triggered every time I'm with them lately. I feel like I want to take a break but feel very guilty because they helped during some very difficult times. I wrote in another thread about feelings of "owing" someone and whether friends should make you feel like that. Right now, I do.

I guess what I'm asking is how do you know when you've outgrown something or that it's actually no longer helping as much as it used to? Or, is that even the right question I should be asking? Not sure if I'm explaining this properly and my thoughts feel muddled...par for the course.

The Kid