me first:

session begins almost always as follows: (a bit hesitant and cautious)

T: Please, come in
M: Thanks
(I take a seat, or lie down)
(some chit-chat and/or loaded silence)
T:.............(looks at me, tiny smile sometimes)
Me:....I dont have anything to say, i donno.. what do you wanna talk about?
T: hm, i am very interested in what`s on your mind today?
Me: nothing spescial
OR
T: how do you feel?
ME: i dont know-
(and the rest of the session goes on and i do tell how i feel and everything that has interested me and the hesitation goes away. 5 minuts before the end we`re usually very engaged into all the stuff i`ve hesitated to bring up)

Yeah Frog great thread! And right up my alley so to speak, seeing as how I had big ructions about the way new T started (or didn’t start, more to the point) our sessions.

When I get there he opens the door, says ‘hello’ and ‘come through’ (to another room inside). We both go in sit down and that’s it. BIG SILENCE. I HATE IT.

He sits there looking at me I sit there looking everywhere but at him and thinking fuck fuck fuck why can’t he do something as simple as ask me how I feel, or how I am, ANYTHING to just start the damn session, to make me feel welcome and less like I’m imposing and having to direct the therapy all by myself in some sort of vacuum.

Had big arguments with him about it, upshot being that nothing changes and it’s down to me to start the session in whatever way I want, feel like (or don’t, as the case may be). Lol even toyed with the idea of having a battle of wills by saying absolutely nothing and waiting for him to make some comment. But can’t do that as I would just get angrier and angrier at his silence and it would be so very obvious that I’m engaging in a control power struggle. So no win basically.

And because there’s so much pressure on me to say something - I end up blurting out any old thing which is often light years away from anything I really would like to talk about and we can often spend quite a lot of the session pursuing something that is totally irrelevant and meaningless to me. Lesson # 1 - I should start with saying how crap it makes me feel having to start the session lol. But usually there is loads of stuff I’d like to be able to talk about, just that none of it is directly on my mind in that moment...

BG it must be good to know what you want to talk about, that way as you say, you can just jump straight in. But even then a few words of greeting or a question can make it so much easier to do that.

Lol Frog your T sounds like he does something similar to mine - that loaded silence and the sometime tiny smile... but at least he answers your question of what do you want to talk about - if I said that to my T I’d sure as hell get some response that did NOT involve a question back. He seems hell bent on never asking me questions if he can help it. There I am expecting to be asked questions all the time and most of the time he just talks AT me, and I feel really stonewalled. I always thought Ts, at least psycho Ts, made a big thing of asking questions, such as, well what do YOU want to talk about? Or How are you feeling right now? Grrr. Hm you know what that’s just made me realize that I’m really angry at him right now, for the way he conducts sessions. Looks like I’m going to have to do a bit more confronting next session. Oh no.

Oops sorry for the rambly post.

LL

He opens the door to the waiting room and holds it open for me.

Me: Hi.
Him: Welcome!

I walk into the room and he follows me in and shuts the door. I sit down on the couch and he sits in the chair across from me.

I take out my ipod and start the recording. He sits across from me and waits. One time he started to say something before I had the recording going and I yelled at him, "STOP TALKING!!!" So now he sits there quietly.

I start talking about whatever. Most of the time I think of topics to start off with on the drive or in the waiting room. Sometimes I go over the week (on Wednesday I did this, then on Saturday this happened) or just talk about one specific thing that happened. That lasts for 5-10 minutes then it normally leads into whatever else.

quote:

Originally posted by Lamplighter:

He sits there looking at me I sit there looking everywhere but at him and thinking fuck fuck fuck why can’t he do something as simple as ask me how I feel, or how I am, ANYTHING to just start the damn session, to make me feel welcome and less like I’m imposing and having to direct the therapy all by myself in some sort of vacuum.

LL....literally laughing so hard right now, because I am wondering if you are that damn fly that's been on the wall in my T's office.... Couldn't have described the exact thing that happens and goes through my head each and every session....still smiling Hals...

Her building is secured so people are only allowed in once we ring the buzzer and she enters the code to release the door.

Then I try to slip quietly into the waiting room.

She opens the door, stands beside it, and greets me with a hello and I think usually a smile.

I plop on the end of the couch furthest from her.

She sits in her chair diagonal to the couch.

T: How are you? (or silence)

Me: I hug her toss pillow, chat a bit about traffic, or random things, then point to the empty other side of the couch.

T: Oh right (then she gets out of her chair and sits with me n the couch)

Me: If in good mood, I go right into it and pull out my phone which has notes from the weeks and say "I've been taking notes this week"

T: oh good

and so on...

quote:

Originally posted by Blanket Girl:
It's amazing how much longer the session is when you skip talking about the weather.

OMGosh Yes! The past 2 sessions I dove right in (not heavy stuff of course) and looked at the clock just sure it was near the ending, but it was still well within the first half! It DOES feel like the session is longer. I think we're on to something here .

frog, very interesting and amusing topic. yes, the protocol of therapy is so weird. i've done the 'how are you' bit probably EVERY session. can't seem to quit it!!

i usually dive in, as, the chit chat gets too expensive!! and i generally have so much to say.

what i think is interesting, kind of the flip side of this, how does your t let you know it is 'time'.

i hate that part. t1 would just never reply again...the silence would signal me to pull out my credit card. and i hated that, felt like a prostitute. he would scurry around when he would let me in the door when i first came in, getting his legal pad (don't think he ever wrote much) and my 'file' of what, i have no idea...probably his doodling while i cry. anyway, his scurrying around, while i sat calmly-ish on the sofa seemed a bit 'too casual' to be genuine...like he didn't know i was coming??? whatever.

t3 would do the scurrying around in another room/kitchen yelling out asking if i would like a water, then come in, she would say, in this creepy way, now that i think about it...'how ARE you'...as if she flipping cared, i now see...and she would never end, i was there three hours one day. i think she had too few clients, so, i would have to end it often.

so, there is another 'scurrier'...seems they were as nervous as i was.

let's see, dbt gal, calm, opens the door and says my name, follows me in and sits in her chair. i always blatter first...nervous energy, and try so blasted hard to be likeable that again, i chant the ever ridiculous 'how are you'? and then go in to the next subject, which i generally am prepared for. or sometimes
tie it with something from last time.

yes, the first spoken word in the room, who goes first (i always do), i would love to, one day, just sit there and make them do all the hard work, except for it being a waste of $150 bucks!!

more than the start of the session, i hate the wind down and (get out of here, i feel) part of the session. they reply with shorter answers, and i can't ever see 'their' clock, which i always catch their eye looking at it rather inconspicuosly, they think.

i interpret that as they want me out of there, all except t3, who has all the time in the world most days, and just billed me up with crappy stories about her!! agh, she was really useless.

interesting!!

sorry to ramble! jill

...this is so interesting stuff. Great responses folks! LOVE reading the dialogs and your experiences!

the protocol varies a bit i see, Its so cool that even just the first word of welcome, reveals the therapy method. The more silence the closer to old-fashion psychotherapy it seems!

June: Yep. still do that. (lie on the divan) I agree with Teta! i HATED IT in the beginning but now i love it. Its very old tradition indeed, but i think it is a GOOD old tradition!

LOL- about the T`s and their questions and replies (or lack of them, as LL describes!)i just remembered while reading about this again, a dialog where i ask my T back the same "how are you" ptotocol stuff. that actually became a very productive session.
Here you go

(after the loaded silence)
T: ...How are you?
Me: ...good. How`re you? (offencive tone)
T:.... hm, i am good.
ME: YOU WOULD NEVER TOLD ME IF YOU... WAS NOT GOOD!?
T: ..hm no. (giggles a bit)
Me..you couldnt say anything about it..?
T: .say like...like "i have never felt worse!?"(t uses some humor, lol.)
ME: Haha, yeah- ok i get it. i would freak out if you said something like that..
(tiny smile and new silence.)
T: but.... are you worried about me?
Me: what? NO!
T:....
Me:.... no. ok. yes i am. I do think about how you are..


the rest of the session i think we explored my different worries. So I think that changing the protocal dialogs- (asking back)- can be very effective and lead into important stuff as well.! I think T`s handles this questions very differently though. (so it seems!)


ps: One time i almost ran into my T`s office, immidiatly sat down on his floor,(in protest) told him i hatet his clock and that i wanted to keep sitting on the floor from now on, rather in the "stupid chair!" HaHAHA- my T had to move his body in order to adjust to me and lean forwared to see me down there i sat. He said something very funny and sweet in response to this totally oppositional and childish entre,T; "How do you like the view from down there?" ME: "it looks different. Your office looks differen, its something wrong..something changed?" T: "do you find the wrongs?"
Thats my most drama-queen entrè!


...hey folks, adding one more question for fun: What is the weirdest arrive or session entre you got?

My P comes to the waiting area, opens the door without saying anything and I enter, usually saying hello. I do ask him how he is doing, and he replies with the socially acceptable "fine".
When we get to his office, I grab the blanket and sit on the couch, he sits in his chair. Sometimes he just looks at me, waiting for me to start. If I don't he asks me how I am or how things are going. He is not looking for the socially acceptable "fine" from me though. He REALLY wants to know how I am doing. I have asked him what he thinks we should talk about and he puts it back on me to come up with what we are going to start with. Frustrating sometimes. I want him to tell me what he thinks I need to work on.

quote:

He is not looking for the socially acceptable "fine" from me though.

hehee, no kidding? Just a simple "fine" answer must be every T`s que to start digging for the real feelings..

That’s an interesting question too Frog - I haven’t had any weird session starts but a really crappy one once which still sticks in my mind.

I’d seen a new T for assesssment session who was going on hols, and our second appointment was about four weeks later. She lived a long way away so I hadn’t got the hang of how long it would take me to get to her place and for this second session I arrived about ten minutes early, thought oh well that will be ok she won’t mind it’s only our first proper session and it’s only a one off and she’ll realize I need to work out how long it will take me blah blah. So knocked on her door (she practised from home and they were glass doors so I could see her inside the ‘office’) she let me in totally unsmiling and I was desperate to go to loo (another reason I went in as soon as I got there) and asked to use loo thinking, hm she’s not very welcoming.

When I came out of loo and we both still standing (and bear in mind this was our first ‘proper’ session together) she said with a really mean look on her face and in a really hostile tone ‘don’t ever do that again! You have to come on time and I will not let you in if you come early again. And our session today will of course not finish at the usual time but earlier, to make up for your coming early’. Wow did I feel ‘told off’. And it really made me feel SO unwelcome and like I’d done something totally unacceptable and should have known, and also pissed me right off because she had no waiting room and the only place I could wait was in my car in her drive in full view of her glass doors. I really didn’t like that one little bit.

Anyway it really bothered me, that she’d assumed I was some badly behaved child who needed telling off and she didn’t appreciate that I hadn’t done it on purpose or anything… so half way through session I brought it up and she pounced on it going ‘oh yes I thought you might have been upset by the look on your face - maybe I could have said it in a better way...’ Yes T you could have. Though she didn’t apologize or even hear me when I tried to explain that I didn’t mean it at all and actually ended up coming early because I was so terrified of coming LATE and being ‘told off’ ... The upshot was that those hostile and judgemental and critical opening remarks from her totally turned me against her and driving home I decided to cancel with her.

The worst thing though was that that experience (which threw me more badly than I’d realized at the time) has affected me ever since, I am now so paranoid about getting to Ts early (most Ts around here practise from home and don’t have waiting rooms) that I end up turning up either EXACTLY on the minute, or even a bit late because I’m so scared of being ‘told off’ again. Huh. Maybe I ought to do it just to assert my own power. I get so so sick of being this timid grovelly scared please don’t be angry with me I’ll do everything you say just be nice to me piece of weakness. Grrr.

I hope others have more amusing weird starts to talk about than me

LL

Weirdest entrance...

I try to be so quiet opening her door to the waiting room (she hears me anyway).

One day I must've been extra clumsy as I tripped on the door and sent her mail slot rattling loudly, then tried to quiet it and ended up tripping on a chair too.

She opened the door and just smiled, while I mumbled something about being totally embarrassed and clumsier that day.

Fun thread, Frog.

It's funny that I don't pay much attention to it, because I'm typically concentrating on how to get through the awkwardness of the first few minutes.

But I think my T normally sticks to a couple routes. Either she'll ask me how I'm doing (typically if the last session was hard or if she knew I was having a busy/hard week), or she'll just sit there and kind of smile at me. That's the worst. A few times I'll just say, "I have no clue what to say right now..." It's awkward all the same.

Ha, but now that I think about it, I think she's taken to breaking the ice for me with some chit chat as we're walking to sit down...typically about the weather. And with this sudden warmth coming through here, I'll bet that's going to be on the agenda for the beginning of my session tomorrow.

Oh, and Forlorn...I laughed out loud at your story. I'm sure it wasn't funny at the time, but it makes for a pretty great story afterward. My T also hears me come into the waiting room..that's how she knows I'm there. One time I guess I was too quiet, and I waited for about 5 minutes past the hour before she came out and apologized because she hadn't heard me.

Great thread Froggy..

For ages we used to have long silences - aaaggh. Dreadful, I hated it, hated being there, either didn't know what to say or else trust my self to say if I did know!!

Now it's easy and T is good at putting me at ease. Makes me a cup of coffee (and a hot water bottle in the winter) and then we sit and have a bit of chit chat about anything for a few mins and I might bring up any important non-Therapy issues I might have. She then asks me something along the lines of 'How have things been since we last met?' and off we go......

starfish

Weirdest session start... Good question and I wish I had a good answer! Nothing out of the ordinary has happened in the waiting room or as I’m walking in. I do have a story about a horrible P that I saw before I started seeing my T.......

It was a very small waiting room with 2 old looking chairs. I saw a clipboard with papers and a sticky note with my name on it. The note said to fill out the paper work and then call her on the provided phone when I was done. I finished the paperwork right on time so I picked up the phone and looked for her number (I think there were maybe 5 or 6 other T/P’s on the list.) The phone started ringing but no one picked up… People kept walking in and out, and I kept standing there on the phone for another 10 minutes. Then FINALLY the P walked in, looked straight at me standing there holding the phone, then just kept walking. She picked up the phone when she got to her office- I don’t remember exactly what she said, something like “I’ll open the door”. She was a full 15 minutes late and I got no apology what so ever. The session was beyond horrible; she was so incredibly rude the whole time. Obviously I never went back.

I like what Jill brought up about the end of sessions. I never thought about it but I guess my session ends are really good compared to what they could be. The majority of the time my T seems sad that our sessions are over and says things like “I wish we had more time,” or “Time just flew by”. Then he compliments me and normally tells me that I worked very hard today or that he’s proud of me. We don’t have to schedule anymore so he says something like “next week?” or “see you next week” and then he opens the door for me and as I’m walking out he says something like “I hope you have a good week” and it always seems very sincere. I love my T!

T: so, how are things
C: ok
T: ok?
C: yeah

so we sit smiling at each other as I shrug my shoulders

T: Has anything happened since we last met that u want to talk about?

C: no not, really

and so we go on, until she pick sup on the fact that I just cant start a session with an open ended question!!!!

Gosh- what a nightmare of a therapy start, LL! I winced inside as I read..
Oh boy, i relate to the arriving on the MINUTE. I am both scared arriving too early (so embaressing, ugh) at the same time scared being tot late.. This totally fixation of being on time really frustraties me at times..i`ve actually TRIED to come a bit too late just to dont seem so stupidly correct all the time, but i CANT! I mean, physically my body seem to be controlled my a inner clock (read: fear of doing something wrong, be punished) i only "manage" arriving 1 minute over time, once i did 2 minuts over time, but i almost panicked as i did this.. lol, its really stupid. My T actually has no idea i have such hang-ups about being on time (i mean on MINUTE) june and mclove- i am glad you too found different T`s.
yep, me and the clock. Complicated relation.


Love your sharing your experinces folks- June and Mclove- i am glad you too found different T`s. Seems like there is plenty of bad experiences with T`s as well, and a bit funny or interesting at least, that the first session indicates so much about what kind of T it is...?
So much info in the first meeing that has huge effect on our decision to "go for it" or not.

Like; if the fist impression is good, you go for it. An equally if the first-impression lack any good (at least hopefull), feelins we leave them to keep searching for another T. Well, no- i stayed for months actually with a bad T, even though i do remember my gut-feeling was no good the very first session. I simply chose to defy it. bad choice, but it lead up to finding my current T. Whom i chose immidiatly the first session, to work with (i fell for the home- office as well as the mans smile btw.) which i am overjoyed for... og yeah McLove- i love my T as well. (and hate, but thats another bi-effect, of that love right?)

I guess Forlorns entre wins so far! You hereby won the prize for weirdest session start thanks for sharing that one-

Starfish- would you pass that hot water bottle over here please? Its sounded so nice being offored coffee and hot water bottle.. It is ridiculously cold here in winter and even my Ts blanket wount stop me from freezin`.. today i complained about the cold and my T had to turn on a (broken) oven to make up.

Sparkle- i loved your session start. So typically and sweet..just those few words..

kashley, hows the heat over there today?- i bet the warmth effected your therapy today, at least the akward start.. its good to have the weather as a "safety card" to talk about, when all there is are akward silence. And- when everything feels too hard to talk about. I once told my T (with intens voice) I DONT WANNA TALK ABOUT HARD STUFF ANYMORE! LETS TALK ABOUT SOMETHING..SAFE! THE WATHER!"

quote:

It's quite a visual picture when you consider me in a big cast, dragging my blanket around sitting in every chair...

quote:

LOL
hee hee- og yeah- thats very visual BG, you look very sweet when doing this on my inner screen (your T as well) Thanks for sharing that one here!

I have always wanted to try out all the chairs (3 of them) in my T`s office. Espescially he`s chair, i have big issues about asking for premission to try them out though..

Mine is almost identical to LL's. Walk in the room, shake hands, sit. T: So what's going on? And then me sitting in silence trying to figure out what to say without sounding boring or stupid. I feel pretty angry about it.

My T has been discussing a lot about connecting with him. I think we need to do something different at the beginning of the session because I don't feel anything except nervous for probably the first third of it. The last three sessions we've discussed this connecting thing a lot. But It felt nice (before this connection topic started) to have him to talk to about stuff, but it's frustrating making myself wait till he's connected with me in everything I say. (Just to be clear, it's not me who's worried about connecting.)

~D.