Thank you.

After being in an abusive/controlling relationship/marriage for over 15 years to the only man I had ever "been with", I got a little carried away and had a couple of one night stands. After I told T about the 1st one she didn't show any reaction and just asked me a few questions. After the second story a few months later, T's nostrils flared, she took a deep breath, shifted her whole body to a different position and proceeded to tell me how dangerous my actions were and she questioned me harshly. I sensed anger, judgement and disappointment in her tone.

My therapist would be neutral and listen the whole way. She would not be judgemental.

Hmm, your therapist should not have done that..sorry if my opinion is too strong here but they should never be harsh. Well maybe I'm generalizing...anywho!x

I think your T was probably angry out of concern for you, rather than judgment. However, being a T and all, I feel she should have been able to get to and express the feelings behind the anger in a calm and nonjudgmental way, rather than being harsh with you as she appeared to be.

My T is not one that practices unvarying neutrality. I get mild exasperation from her occasionally. Like one time she asked me, "Hic, how many times are you going to keep banging your head against the same brick wall?"

So, if I did something she really thought was dangerous, I expect she would find a way to let me know, and I might feel a little scolded, even if she didn't mean it that way. I think this is okay, however I agree with Alpaca that it should come primarily as an expression of care and concern rather than anger and judgement. I'm sorry your T was harsh with you.

Athenacus,

My T will accept whatever I tell her, I know that now, she says she will never judge me and she never has. If I was doing something that she perceived as potentially dangerius or harmful to me I hope she would tell me as we have an agrement that she will always be honest with me. I am sure out of care to me she would voice her concerns in that situation, but still would not judge - and there is a difference.

Hugs to you,

starfishy

My T seems quite calm and laid back but he is straightforward so I think he would ask me a very direct question in a like manner because he doesn't suffer fools gladly. I know that so I would be careful if I was feeling very fragile.

I think T's can act in a parental manner at times and that may be perfectly correct in certain situations. I wonder if your T was doing that?

Happy Girl-Yes, my T can act very parental at times. I think she was doing that. My T's office just put up a new website with all the T's credentials, backgrounds and methodologies. I see T's background work is in sexual trauma, substance abuse families and she has a special interest in working with teens. The website says she forms a wonderful therapeutic relationship. A lot of the time she seems to be a Humanistic type of therapist. Not all the time though.

I do think she seemed angry because she cares and was concerned about me. The part that had me feeling even worse was when she me told me that she never did anything like that. Then she stated that she wasn't judging me. Her tone conveyed otherwise in my view at the time.

Thank you everyone for answering my question!