This might sound like a stock answer but I like to journal for that purpose.

I suppose first I should clarify what working through a feeling means for me. It's coming to have acceptance and peace about the feeling, so that I'm able to entertain it without fear of annihilation and with the ability to bring some different perspectives to it-- so my consciousness is not overwhelmed by the feeling itself to the exclusion of having *thoughts* about the feeling, and about other things.

I hope that makes some sense.

Anyway, when I do this kind of journaling, I just write and write and write about the feeling itself and anything else that comes up and seems related-- ideas I've heard that tie in, thoughts, connections I might be making. It's almost like free association but a bit more focused and structured. Sometimes after many pages of writing I will feel a bit lighter and like there has been a shift in my mood or perspective. It helps a lot.

I do a variety of journaling for those kinds of self help purposes. I started keeping a dream journal a few months ago. I write out my dreams there and try to work out interpretations. That can be a more indirect, but potentially effective way to work out feelings, I think. I've also been experimenting with art journaling lately-- where the words are also mixed with drawings, images, colors, etc. Making journaling a more tactile and sensory experience has been pretty amazing for me. I actually blogged about it just yesterday, if you are curious for more detail.

Lol, sometimes between my regular pen and paper journal, the art journal, my dream journal, and my blog it feels like I'm devoting many hours a week to this-- and actually, I am. It's how I spend much of my free time lately. I think it's part of why I've been able to reduce the frequency of my sessions (I recently switched to seeing T once every two weeks). I don't think this amount of intense journaling is going to be a very long term thing, but for now I feel like I'm in a kind of chrysalis stage and it's working for me.

Altho, lest I seem to be implying otherwise, I really *don't* think it's as simple as just picking up a pen and paper and getting it over with! I keep cycling back to the same material, and a lot of times I've needed to work on something with T quite a bit before I've been comfortable enough with it to bring it to my journal. Repressed feelings can be really scary when they first start to come out. I'm not great at handling them entirely on my own from the outset, at least not yet.

Phew, sorry so long! This is a topic that's been relevant to me and on my mind a lot these days, so I guess I had a lot to say.

I do hope things get easier for you soon. I know it can be so tough.

((((incognito))))

I find this to be such an interesting question. I guess there can be many aspects of working though feelings, like:

-learning to accept and tolerate them
-understanding their purpose or where they come from
-having a way to shift out of them to a different state

For me I think the most powerful way of working with feelings is to be able to be in them while also bringing up a thought, image, memory, or experience which has different feelings attached to it. For example, when you're feeling lonely, being able to remember a time when you felt connected and feel that connection in the moment, which lessens the feeling of loneliness. In my experience, the more I do that kind of "resourcing," the more easily I can regulate and move through different emotional states without getting overwhelmed or totally mired in them.

(((COGS)))

It sounds like you were turned down for treatment at the trauma center. Did they tell you why? From what I've heard about your mother's relationship with you, it was NOT healthy. Maybe you didn't have the type of Big T trauma they are looking to treat with the limited resources they have but you've had Big T trauma and relational trauma.

At the end of the day, though, all we are left with is ourselves and how we are now and what we feel, etc. It seems like the first step is to learn to tolerate the emotions. Mine are so powerful that at times it's been incredibly overwhelming. It's also taking a long time because they are so powerful and I can't handle too much at once. When I get overwhelmed, that's when I find it helpful to reach out to my T and he helps to regulate my emotions and to share the burden.

As you learn to tolerate them, hopefully the intensity will decrease and you will be able to mentally separate the feelings that were engrained in you in the past vs. the situations that come about in the present and make new choices about how to respond. In that way, new feelings and memories are created and then you will have two "templates" to work from so to speak. Hopefully, the new template will be positive and will grow bigger and stronger than the old template - that might cause you trouble occasionally when it gets triggered but not nearly as much as it does now.

COGS, it does seem to be a bit of a repeat process. Wash, rinse, dry, repeat.

But you ARE getting there. I know it can be so discouraging and you are in a lot of pain. I see a ton of progress though.

Incognito that's a great question and I was hoping to read some 'how to' answers myself .

I haven't got a lot of time at the moment so just wanted to post to let you know I'd read the thread and hopefully I'll be back later to reply more.

The whole issue of 'working through' feelings is a mystery to me too - I just get the circular repetitive thing too, nothing ever seems to get worked out, or finished. It's the same thoughts, same beliefs, same interpretations, same feelings over and over and over, throughout my life .

Which tells me that I'm NOT working through and so I'd really like to know in much greater detail what working through actually involves. If there's anyone who thinks they can add to this discussion, that would be great .

Hope you're doing ok ((((( Incognito )))))

Hic, Thank you for the response. Journaling like you describe isn't something I have tried. I blog and write in a journal but I blog mainly about overwhelming feelings and I don't try and explore them as much as rein them in. My journal tends to be a record of sessions and my reactions to them. When I have tried to write out my feelings I find I get caught up in my thoughts and stop writing.

BLT, I think I would like to have a way to shift out of them by thinking about other memories but I haven't been very succesful. Did you learn to do that on your own? with a T? or a book?

Liese, Actually the trauma asessment clinic hasn't refused to see me. They don't do ongoing treatment, instead they meet with you for several hours and use a variety of assessment methods, ask what you feel are your areas of strength? what you are struggling with currently? what your goals are for treatment? etc. Then they make a recommendation to your treatment team, doctor and/or therapist about what they think might assist whether that is medication or type of therapy etc. It was suggested to me by the consult T I saw and I've been on their waiting list for about 6 months. Mostly I'm afraid they won't think I've suffered enough trauma (my T doesn't agree) and it just kicked up a lot of pain in me again. I'll let you know how it goes in the new year.

LL, I know how you feel about the same thoughts and beliefs coming up over and over and over. I may be working through some of my feelings but it is taking suck a very long time and it is so painful. I am wondering if I doing it "right" or the best way. I'm more than a little obsessed with the idea that there is probably a better way (or a perfect one,LOL) and I don't know it.

Cogs, I think I learned that partly on my own, partly from T and partly from one of the CD's from Julie DiJoseph (I think I reviewed those at some point). I think the way to do it is to make a "resource list" in advance, when you are feeling OK. A suggestion from the CD was to list three categories, something like:

1. Positive memories
2. Things I like to do
3. Things I like about myself

Then think of a few items for each of those. I guess if you can't think of any for one of the categories, you could just skip that one.

Then you can practice thinking about those items on your list. So for example, if one of your items under "things I like to do" was "sitting by the pool relaxing" then you would practice imagining yourself at the pool, with as much detail as you can (sounds, smells, images) and feeling the good feelings that come up for you when you think about it. That way, the next time you were stressed out, you'd already have that image of yourself at the pool ready to draw on, with all the detail in it, to help you relax a little.

Did that make any sense?

Thanks for asking this Incognito. "Working through feelings" is a phrase that can be in some cases at least a psych cliche. I guess we keep working on these feelings but haven't gotten through them. I certainly have some emotions and memories that I have carried around with me for many years. I don't know if they will.ever stop.haunting me or transform into something constructive. On the other hand, I have had some success in processing difficult feelings with emdr. Intense emotions that had me shaking and unable to verbalize or even understand why I felt that way, were changed and released mysteriously with emdr. Other times I have temporarily gotten through feelings that I believed would be too much by experiencing them fully. That's not easy though and I am I think rightfully holding back. I would love love to get unstuck and get through with the feelings that keep me trapped and unable to be present and active in mylife. I know we're working - its exhausting.

BIG HUGS TO YOU INCOGNITO!