Wynne,

If you're talking about hearing people criticizing other people (as opposed to you), it's not surprising to me that you're having a new response to that. At work, I hear it all the time, and I'm also guilty of it myself. I also work in higher ed.

For example, I have one co-worker (A) who, for some reason, detests another co-worker of mine (B), who happens to be a perfectly nice, kind, considerate and competent person. 'A' is, frankly, a complete a-hole to 'B', and it's hard to see. In fact, he's such a jerk that it's about to get him into some deep crap.

When I see this guy being a jerk, it makes me really angry and uncomfortable. At the same time, I know he has tremendous issues of anger and self-hatred, among other things. Anyone in therapy could see this from a mile away. So I also have some compassion for him. Still, seeing someone be a complete jerk to someone else is harder for me see than it ever was before.

Work is the perfect place to observe other peoples' neurosis, and in higher ed, there's no shortage of it.

Russ

I hate criticism!!! As a teacher, I have to give it all of the time but I try to always follow up with, "This is a criticism of your work, not YOU." My X all but needs a badge as a member of the fashion & customs police...it used to make ME feel ashamed every time he pointed out how poorly a person's figure fitted their clothing, or how "dorky" some poor soul looked when they walked quickly, arms swinging. Jeez, and when it is directed my way by anybody I spend the next 24-48 hours recovering my sense of self-worth. In therapy, I definitely aim to grow a thicker "emotional skin" because sometimes criticism is extremely useful. I need to learn how to sidestep my emotional reaction before I begin the process of determining whether or not the criticism is meant to build others up (thus the critic is trustworthy) or to build up the ego of the critic (thus the critic is an A-hole and must be avoided).